Making It though Everything.

(A True life story about a teenager dealing with the fact, her mother has cancer)

What makes someone a hero? Is it the ability to jump from a burning building or how a mother will do anything to save her child? These are the types of things you hear on the news every day. But what about the real heros in life? Does anyone ever really stop to think about the people who go through the worst of things and never give up? How they find the strength within themselves to pull through. Here is a story about a true hero whom I have the honor of calling Mom.

Not so long ago, well actually about nine months ago we found out that my mother had breast cancer. Now what is worse than being a teenager? How about being a teenager helping a cancer patient. My mom is 39 years old and has survived the worst disease known to man. You have cancer. How those three little words can change you life. How it changed mine and my families forever.

But nothing in this world could prepare me for what was coming. And how knowing nothing about chemotherapy would be to my own disadvantage. But that was to be learned all too well. They say the cure is worse than the disease well in this case it is. Nothing is worse then seeing your mother bedridden because she doesn't have the energy to move. You really wanna know what it is like to see someone like this. Well I am about to tell you.

In March of 2004 my mother went in to see the doctors because they thought she had a heart attack. But lucky for us she didn't. She told the doctor that she found a lump in her breast and wasn't sure what it was. Well you know doctors they say it is nothing and then go back and say it is something. Well in this case it was a huge something. My father had gone to Georgia to be with my mother. She was there helping my sister sort through some problems when all of this happened. My brother and I were in our home in Guyana.

So the doctors did a biopsy, taken special needles to pull out some of the mass or tissue that was in her breast. I know at this point she was kinda worried but she held her clam face and went through it without any problems. They tested that tissue and that all of the tests they had done had come back negative and that it looked normal.

The doctors said everything was fine and that there was nothing to worry about. So my father came back to Guyana. He hadn't been here one day before departing to the states again. That Monday my mom went to get the stitches out or so she thought. All I remember was that night. I was watching Interview With the Vampire and doing my homework when Danny, my brother comes up to my room and tells me our father just got off the phone with our mom and needs to see us it is important. I turn the movie off and headed downstairs wondering what we did wrong. When my dad says sit down we need to talk.

Now when my dad says this it can only mean one or two things, one some one has passed away or is ill or you have gotten into huge trouble. At that point I knew we weren't in trouble from the look on my fathers face. And then those words came out. "You guys your mom has breast cancer." That is all I remember him saying. I didn't hear what came after that. I was in total shock. I didn't want to believe it, it wasn't right.

My mind said it was just some mean joke but I knew it wasn't. My mom had cancer. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't have done at that point to change that. And all I could do was cry. I didn't know what to think at that point in time. It was as if my mind went to a totally blank. That was the worst news I have ever gotten in my life. And I think somewhere inside of me there was a little sign of hope.

By the next day my father had returned to the states to be with my mother. And I went to school like I always did. But my mind couldn't think or even rest. So not paying attention in class I wrote. Poems mostly about how I felt. Just like how I am writing right now. This is my own way of letting the world know how I feel. We were told that my father worked with a man who's wife was a really good doctor in this field so we packed up and moved to Miami.

Now knowing that my mom's doctor is nice and a friend of hers it made me feel a little reassured that she was going to be ok. But we were going into this blindfolded, we didn't know what to expect and now I wish we had. But in this type of thing you learn as time goes by, which time wasn't something we had the luxury of having. They told my mom that her tumor was like fingers so that they could not just remove it, she would have to lose her whole breast.

And being a female that is something that makes you a female. I have no idea what she was thinking. But I know that she was scared. And if I was in her shoes I would be scared too. On our first arrival to Miami it was the first time I had seen my mom in four months. She seemed fine, you couldn't even tell that she was sick. We stayed in a hotel for about a week and then we were able to move into the house my mom and dad had rented. I don't think all of this sunk in until a few days before my mom's surgery.

You can tell that she was scared and I don't blame her, we were all scared. But after being in the house for about a week it was d-day. The day my mother went in for surgery. I was so scared. All I remember is praying for her to be ok. We got there and my father went with her before the surgery, we weren't allowed to go back. So I hugged and kissed my mom and told her everything would be ok even though I wasn't sure. I was trying to be strong for her.

Giving her my strength so that she could pull through. And it worked. We waited

from nine am to eight pm to hear any news. Those were the longest hours of my life. I brought a book to read but it was no help. I couldn't even think just worry and wonder. But when the doctor came out and said that she did very good and was resting. My dad went back to her and told us that we could go home. But we didn't want too. I wanted to stay with my mom but my father insisted that we leave. So we did. On the way home all I could think of was my mom. And that day was the beginning of our journey, one that none of us were prepared for.

It was the simple things in life that became not so simple. What people don't know about chemotherapy is that to drains everything you have and it drains the people around you. And some how you find a way to escape from it all. For my sister, she got into school training to be a surgical tech. And my brother got into art school. And then there was me. Nothing to do but be there for my mom as much as I could. Trust me I was there.

I found my own ways to escape too. I realized how the computer could be my best friend. I would get sucked into my own world that was broken when my mom called. I didn't mind, I would have done anything to makes sure she was ok. But this is not important to our story, after my moms surgery that's when the realness of this set in I think. She had drains coming out of her side and was in great pain. But I think the shock of losing a breast hurt more then the surgery itself. We tried everything to make her feel better but in the end it really didn't help.

There was nothing that could really help. She had to fight this alone. We were there but we didn't know how it felt to go though all of this. It wasn't our body we could only watch. The countless tears that were shed in that house reminds me of how bad things really got. How at some point in time giving up and let this disease get you seemed like the answer.

But my mother had more strength than any woman I know. Not once in all of this did she say she was giving up. She fought, a battle that could only been seen under a microscope, Do you know how hard it is to fight something you can't even see or touch? Well we do. It took her six weeks for her to heal from the surgery and then the worst part was coming. The chemotherapy, the chemicals they put into her body to kill any lingering cancer cells.

When the drains from her side were removed they waited to start the chemotherapy. Here is where the story gets hard to tell. In May she went for her first chemotherapy and she said it went fine. Upon returning home, she and my father went into the bathroom and shaved her head. She told us that she took her hair away and not her disease. Everyone was very emotional. Like I have said countless tears. My brother took the razor and shaved his head. He said that if our mom had to loose her hair that he would loose his too. And he did he stayed bald until my mom's started to come back.

My sister and myself were going to do the same thing but my mother told us she would not allow it. So my sister cut her hair extremely short. And for me, my mom said my hair was too pretty to cut and made me keep it the same length. I didn't want to but she told me too. I did what she asked. But the first day of her chemotherapy was fine. But the days after that and the weeks after that weren't so easy to deal with. The first time it took about three days for the side effects to catch up with her.

I woke up in the morning and my father told us that it has hit her hard. She was up all night vomiting. And she wasn't able to keep anything down. They gave her a shot to make her bones reproduce red blood cells. The goal was to keep her immune system as good as ever. For even a small thing like a cold could have put her into the hospital. So we tried to keep her as healthy as we could. We gave her engery drinks and lots of greens. Things that we knew were good for the body.

We weren't allowed to see my mom much on her first chemotherapy treatment. They told us that she would be given the strongest form of chemotherapy known to man for her cancer didn't respond to treatment very well. And it was very aggressive. My father kept us from seeing our mom because she needed to rest. I understand why he did. She slept mostly. But if she was sleeping she didn't know how much pain she was in and had some kind of peace.

The side effect from the chemotherapy lasted for about a week in a half. And that was the hardest week in a half I have ever been through. We got walky talkies so that she didn't have to yell for someone if she needed something. We even got into a system. No matter what time of the day someone was always awake. It was called the night shift. And I was on it most of the time. Being a nigh owl it really didn't bother me. I am always up until the wee hours of the morning. So that was my job.

If she needed a back rub or something to drink there was someone there to do it for her. She wasn't allowed to do anything but rest. And I think that was the best thing for her. But after the chemotherapy's side effects she got to feeling better. There would be some short term damage and then some that has not cleared. Her chemotherapy lasted from May to October. Every three weeks she went in for a treatment. And during that time we had a death in the family and survived four hurricanes.

Although the storms didn't hit us they were close. My sister said God kept us in the corner of his eyes, knowing that we had a lot to deal with and wasn't causing anymore stress on us as a family. And I think she was right. But the hard part was that my father wasn't always a round. He had to go back and forth to Guyana for work. After my mom's first chemotherapy my father had to go back to work so he left but was back in time for the next round. Each time my mom had chemotherapy it got worse. There were some days I would just lay in bed with her and sleep and keep her company.

My mom doesn't sleep well alone so when my father left I slept with her. I did this for two reasons. One if she needed some one in the middle of the night I would be right there and two I would sleep in there so that she could get at least some hours of sleep. And for a few months I wasn't in bed before seven am. She didn't sleep so I didn't sleep. We watched everything we could on tv. She loved to watch the cooking shows and CMT. So I would be up with her.

I was able to go with her one time when she had chemotherapy during the hurricane we were all at the hospital. They put ice on her fingers and toes. The nurse said that the chemotherapy will make your nails fall off so putting ice on them kind of helps for some reason it keeps the blood flow limited. I never went back. I watched them put the IV in her arm and then the chemotherapy drugs and she said I love you and went to sleep. I had only gotten about two hours of sleep the night before. I had the nickname "The Vampire".

It was too the point where I would sleep all day and be up all night. The sunlight hurt my eyes so I would stay in my room which was pitch black all hours of the day and night. And my mom got to be the same way. It was for her that I became that way. I would wake up at two pm and go to bed at seven am just in time for the sun to rise. If you have never tried to live like that it doesn't take long before it catches up with you. Remembering I said chemotherapy drains you well that is how.

There is always the need for someone to be up no matter the time and I was most of the time that some one. Anything she needed I would do, anything she wanted I would get, and that is how I lived for the past year almost. During my moms last few treatments my fathers brother became very ill and soon passed away in September. It was like the black cloud over our home just got blacker. And the idea of this being over was lost.

But that was quickly ended by the thought of my mother's last chemotherapy treatment. I've skipped ahead six months from her first treatment to her last. The rest in the middle is just hard to talk about. Cause all of the treatments came with the same side effects and some times some new ones. The sores in her mouth that made her not able to eat are almost healed now. The lining in her stomach is destroyed from the drugs they gave her. For a long time we called my mom a pharmacy.

And it was true she was. Her box of pills had about thirty pill bottle in it all doing different things. So if one of us got a cold she would send us to her pill box. Now she still has to take a lot but not as much as she used to. I think the chemotherapy treatments in the middle were the hardest. During that time what hair my mom had did fall out. I remember seeing my brother and sister taking tweezers to pull out the rest of the hair on her head off. That was a hard sight to see. We got her hats and scarfs but she didn't like them very much. But she did what she had to do just like us all.

The last day she had chemotherapy we had ice cream and an apple pie because that is what she wanted. We were happy that day but then the bad part of it was to come. And after six months we were pros on how to help her. The last chemotherapy really didn't go so bad it was the ones in the middle what were awful. The ones that were the hardest to do. When she finished chemotherapy she could rest for about three weeks. So she and my father went to Vegas. They were gone for a week but they had fun. I stayed home with my brother and sister and did what I did most. That was cleaning, that is all I did while I lived in Miami.

When returning to Miami my mom was due to start something called Radiation. And I don't know which one of them was worse the chemotherapy or the radiation. Every day for six and a half weeks my mom went to radiation. They marked her up like a map so they would know where to use the radiation at. That was awful, she looked like a road map but she got through that too. She got through everything. Her first week of radiation went ok but it wasn't until about three weeks in that the burns started to come up.

Radiation burns are just like fire burns but they hurt worse. Cause if you burned in fire you can heal but with radiation she couldn't miss an appointment. So they would radiate burned skin which was very painful for her. I can see the skin under her arm ripped open cause they have burned her and having open skin and letting the air get to is it like putting salt into an open wound. I know for a fact that she was in pain.

They gave her pain pills but it didn't really help. So they gave her Morphine. Which we knew it would help but it makes my mom stop breathing so when she took it we kept a close watch on her. But by six weeks into radiation her neck had busted open and now we had to deal with that. She was in great pain. But it was only another half a week. The last week the, had stronger radiation but they moved from her neck. It was about a week after they stopped radiation that the burns got to be at their worse.

It took about two or three weeks for the burns to heal. They are still not completely healed but they don't hurt. The after shock of this is that the chemotherapy has her stomach in disarray. And her hair gone but has come back a half an inch. Her pride damaged but her heart is as strong as ever. The courage she has showed over the past nine months makes her a true hero. A hero that over came the worst thing ever.

It goes to show you how one minute things can look like there is no hope and in the end you come out of it better. Not as complete as you were going into it but you are stronger. We made it through this and we did it by not knowing anything about it. The strength we gave our mom made her able to beat this disease and that is why she is my hero.

Overcoming all of the challenges that life threw at her, she didn't give up and fought. And now the rearward is just being alive. The joy of living everyday to the fullest is what we get out of it. A hero isn't someone one who jumps out of a burning building. It is someone like my mom who has taken cancer and kicked its ass. Someone one who went through hell just to see the better days of the future.

The End.