The Adventures of Evil Mr. Binder-Monster

Once upon a time, there was a floppy red binder. There are many floppy red binders in the world. But this floppy red binder was special. It was maltreated. A corner of the spine had a rip in it. And so Evil Mr. Binder-Monster was born.

Evil Mr. Binder-Monster was, as his name suggests, evil. So he decided to get Revenge on the Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders. Unfortunately, Evil Mr. Binder-Monster was Insane, in addition to being evil. And his accomplice, Inventive Mr. Ways-to-Die, was incredibly Stupid. So when they tried to plan, it did not go very well, to make an understatement.

"We must think of a Plan," said Evil Mr. Binder-Monster, cackling evilly.

"That's a good idea, boss, uh-huh," chimed in Inventive Mr. Ways-To-Die.

"Oh, shut up, shut up," ordered Evil Mr. Binder-Monster irritably. "I need to think of a plan. We need a plan."

"Uhhh…we could make a horse of wood and hide in it?" offered Inventive Mr. Ways-To-Die.

"No, that's already been done. We need a new one," mused Evil Mr. Binder-Monster. "Already been done, need a new one! Hey, that rhymes!"

And it went on like that. It took them several hours to come up with anything even resembling a plan.

"So, let us review the Plan again," said Evil Mr. Binder-Monster. "What happens first?"

"Uh, I dunno, what happens first, boss?" drawled Inventive Mr. Ways-To-Die.

"Were you not listening to my All-Important Self when I was telling your Extremely Insignificant Personage the Grand Plan to take OVER THE WORLD?" asked Evil Mr. Binder-Monster dangerously.

"Uh, yup, I did, but, uh, I kinda forgetted it," replied Inventive Mr. Ways-To-Die blithely.

Evil Mr. Binder-Monster began to become enraged, but calmed himself. "What we do first is we take over the world. But that should be easy for my all-powerful powers. So then after that we
make it so that the Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders cannot open any of his binders."

Don't ask me how they did it. I'm only the storyteller. But the thing that bore a slight resemblance to a plan actually worked. Not the taking over the world part. The part where the Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders wasn't supposed to be able to open any of his binders.

"Ahahahaha!" cackled Evil Mr. Binder-Monster evilly. "It is working! The Plan is working!"

"Uh, boss? The Pencil wants to see you," said Inventive Mr. Ways-To-Die.

Now, you must understand this. The Pencil is not only a normal pencil. The Pencil is the uber-brain of the School Community. If The Pencil has a suggestion, it is best to follow it, because The Pencil has a direct link to the Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders.

So, you can see why Evil Mr. Binder-Monster was slightly nervous as Inventive Mr. Ways-To-Die showed The Pencil into Evil Mr. Binder-Monster's corner.

"Yes, Mr. Pencil, sir, what may I do for you?" quivered Evil Mr. Binder-Monster nervously.

"Evil Mr. Binder-Monster," said The Pencil, "I am curious. What precisely do you intend to do with this plan of yours?"

"I'm getting revenge on the Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders, Mr. Pencil, sir," quavered Evil Mr. Binder-Monster uncertainly.

"And were you aware that the Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders never uses his binders?" asked The Pencil condescendingly. "Now, don't apologize, Binder-Monster," he said as Evil Mr. Binder-Monster began to stammer furiously. "I know what you should do. As you know, I have a direct link to the Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders."

"Yes, Mr. Pencil, sir, I know that," quaked Evil Mr. Binder-Monster.

"Yes. And so I can communicate to him a message of your desire," continued The Pencil.

Evil Mr. Binder-Monster gaped in astonishment. "You mean that you would help me with my Plan?"

The Pencil snorted. "It was not a plan. I have now made it a plan, and am giving you the chance to put it into action. So what is your message?"

Evil Mr. Binder-Monster thought a while. Eventually he said, "The message will be 'Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders, you must give in to the wishes of Evil Mr. Binder-Monster. These are: you shall never maltreat another binder again, and you shall bow to the supremacy of Evil Mr. Binder-Monster.'"

The Pencil said, "I will take this message, in accordance with your wish, to the Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders." With that he left.

The revised plan (which actually bore a larger resemblance to a plan) was put into play the next day. The Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders brought out The Pencil to use during a test. The Pencil waited for the opportune moment, then jerked himself out of the hand of the Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders. The Maltreater made no move to recover the Pencil for the simple reason that he was too astonished to do anything. The pencil found an empty corner of the paper and began to write his message.

Evil Mr. Binder-Monster was pleased with the reaction of the Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders. "It's working, it's working..." he whispered gleefully from where he watched underneath the Maltreater's desk. The Maltreater was growing more and more astonished with every passing second. He stared at the Pencil, at the scrap of paper, at the Pencil...and then he caught sight of Evil Mr. Binder Monster.

Evil Mr. Binder-Monster shrieked as he was lifted up by the Maltreater's hands. "Mr. Maltreator, sir, please don't harm me. What harm have I ever done you? Why -" The Maltreater's thumb covered the rip that served as Evil Mr. Binder-Monster's mouth.

The Malteater carried Evil Mr. Binder-Monster to a larger desk at the front of the classroom. Evil Mr. Binder-Monster shivered. The desk meant only one thing: the Teacher. Every binder is terrified of The Teacher. The Teacher makes them stay neat while the preferred state of any binder is messy. Now the Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders was taking Evil Mr. Binder-Monster to the Teacher!

The Maltreater said something to the Teacher in his human language, handing Evil Mr. Binder-Monster to the Teacher as he did so. Evil Mr. Binder-Monster whimpered slightly as the Teacher made an odd sound that sounded like an evil chuckle, took something out of the desk, and handed it and Evil Mr. Binder-Monster to the Maltreater.

The Malterater of Floppy Red Binders returned to his seat and set down Evil Mr. Binder-Monster and the thing the Teacher had given him. Evil Mr. Binder-Monster caught a glimpse of it. It was a roll of...duct tape? The Maltreater pulled something out of his pack and started picking at the end of the roll.

Inventive Mr. Ways-To-Die's voice came from the nether regions of the Maltreater's bag. "Uh, boss? How are things goin'?"

Evil Mr. Binder-Monster could not reply. The strip of duct tape that the Maltreater of Floppy Red Binders had placed over the rip in the cover (by way of being nice to the binder) had also covered Evil Mr. Binder-Monster's mouth, effectively silencing him forever.


(Or is it?)

Author's Note: This is the children's literature project that I did for was fun, and amusing. I like it.