14

When Harry next awoke, he was feeling extremely stoned. Is this the afterlife? I think I like it…But then he realized that he was lying in a bed in the hospital wing. Madame Pompom came rushing over to him as soon as she realized that he was awake.

"Here, drink this," She said, giving him a small goblet full of a dark brown liquid.

"What is it?" Harry asked, slurring his words slightly.

"It's a liquid used for hydration, but that's not important right now. Just drink it," Madame Pompom said, looking slightly ruffled. Harry took a swig of it and realized that it was only root beer. He drank up the rest happily and was just about to set the goblet down when there was a knock on the door. Madame Pompom jumped up to get it. It was Dubblebubble.

"Harry, you have a visitor," Madame Pompom left the room for Harry and Headmaster Dubblebubble to talk.

"Hello Harry," Dubblebubble said in a joyful voice.

"Headmaster, sir, are you mad at me?" Harry asked.

"No, no, no, Harry! I'm actually quite proud of you. Do you know what you did down there in the holding room of the Sorcerer's Stone?" Dubblebubble asked him. Harry shook his head.

"Well, you know what, you defeated Moldybutt!" Dubblebubble said happily.

"I… What?"

"You defeated Moldybutt!"

"But, no that can't be true! I just stood there while he zoomed around and then he zoomed into me," Harry said.

"But yes, when he zoomed into you, he couldn't take it! There was too much baking soda inside of you!"

"Baking soda?" Harry asked, looking perplexed.

"Yes, Harry, baking soda. Moldybutt has so much moldy hate inside of him that the baking soda inside of you destroyed him!"

"Sir… Why do I have baking soda inside of me?"

"You see, everyone has baking soda in them. Some have more then others. Your mom and dad had the most, I think, that I've ever seen! But now we have you, Harry, and you have more baking soda in you than Moldybutt could handle,"

"Sir, I still don't understand this whole baking soda thing," Harry said with a confused look on his face.

"But of course, you are only thirteen. You shall understand better when you grow older. But until then, I think it is time for a celebration!" Dubblebubble stood up and threw off his cloak to reveal that he was only in his boxers.

"NAKEY TIME!" He shouted. Harry closed his eyes and scrambled for cover underneath his blankets.

"Out! GET OUT! YOU'LL SCARE THE POOR BOY TO DEATH, ALBUM!" Harry opened his eyes to see Madame Pompom shoving Dubblebubble out the door and throwing his cloak after him. "AND DON'T COME NEAR MY PATIENTS!" She slammed the door shut and walked slowly back to Harry's bed.

"Sorry, dear about that old coot. He's quite strange isn't he?" Madame Pompom said, shaking her head in disbelief. "You will be allowed to go to the end of the year feast, which is tonight. Gather up your things, and I will allow you to go to your dorm—"

"What things?" Harry asked.

"The things from your friends that have been sitting on this bedside table for three days," Madame Pompom said, looking annoyed.

"THREE DAYS?" Harry shouted.

"Yes, three days, now please, gather your things," Madame Pompom helped him get out of the bed and gave him his robes to put on, which he did. As Harry staggered out of the door with his arms full of candies, get well cards, and flowers, he could only help but wondering how Heroin and Rot were. He walked slowly up to the Gryffincloset dormitory.

"Epilepsy," He said to the door. It unlocked and Harry dragged himself into the common room.

"HARRY!" Rot and Heroin shouted. The jumped to their feet and ran to greet him.

"Hi guys! How are you doing?" Harry asked.

"Great!" Rot said joyously.

"Marvelous!" Heroin said.

"Spiffy!" Harry said. They went to sit down at a table in the corner.

"So? What happened after I left you?" Heroin asked excitedly. Harry told them the entire story of what happened with Moldybutt.

"Professor Squirrel's tail was just a disguise then?" Rot asked.

"Yeah… Say, how is Professor Squirrel?" Heroin and Rot exchanged sad looks.

"Well, Harry, he's dead. They held a memorial service for him two days ago."

"Yeah! And you should've seen Dubblebubble! He was hilarious!"

"Rot, it wasn't funny…" Heroin said somewhat angrily.

"Why, what happened?" Harry asked.

"Well, he ran around in his boxers with hearts on them screaming, 'He's dead! He's dead! He's finally dead!'" Harry and Rot began laughing.

"It really wasn't funny!" Heroin said. "It was a disgrace to our school! It's all over the wizard newspapers and—"

"Oh, lighten up, Heroin. It was all in good, stoned, fun!" Rot said, still laughing.

"Well, we'd better go. It's almost time for the end of the year feast, isn't it?" Harry said. Heroin nodded, looking at the watch that was tattooed on her wrist. The three of them walked down to the feast together. Harry waved and smiled at all the people who were whispering and pointing at him as they walked past. Once they were down in the dining hall, and had sat down at the Gryffincloset table, Harry said,

"Wow, Dubblebubble really looks happy tonight!"

"Yeah, no kidding. I wonder who will win the house cup!" Rot said.

"Ummm, Rot? It's Slippery. The decorations are green and silver… In case you haven't noticed," Heroin said, pointing to the banners.

"Shh! Look you guys!" Harry said, pointing to Dubblebubble, who had stood up at the staff table and was now motioning for everyone to be quiet.

"Students and staff. In case you haven't noticed, this years house cup winner is Slippery!" There was a burst of cheers and boos from the students. "BUT! There were some last minute points that have not been taken into account," Dubblebubble said once it had again gone quiet. The Slippery table looked crestfallen.

"First! We must award seventy points to Rot Weasel, for the best played game of Snakes and Ladders that Hogfarts has ever seen." The noise in the dining hall had never been so loud. Gryffinclosets were cheering up and down the table. "Next, to Miss Heroin Manger for the use of logic even though she and her classmate were in peril and both were utterly stoned, I award Gryffincloset, another, seventy points." The dining hall was now deafeningly loud. "And finally, to Harry Pothead," Dubblebubble said. The entire dining hall had instantly gone quiet. "For the most courage and bravery in face of the Dark Lord, I award Gryffincloset, one hundred points!" Harry looked over at the Slippery table and could see that Drake Foil had probably never been so mad in his life.

"I suppose we need some change of decoration, then," Dubblebubble clapped his hands and the green and silver hangings turned into scarlet and gold. The giant Slippery serpent was replace with a giant Gryffincloset lion.

"WE WON, WE WON, WE WON!" People up and down the Gryffincloset table were chanting. And then the food appeared on the table, and there was no more talk.