Doubt plagues my heart

And I cannot call for God

For I know not his presence

Or his existence

I cannot shout to the sky

And speak with my soul

In its most desperate state

"Why have I been forsaken?"

Inside I feel as if I am dying

As my soul has been wounded

Stone gray, melancholy, bleeding

It hardly carries me on

I envy the faithful

For they know in their soul

That they are loved

By the almighty

I envy those who feel nothing

For they have learned

To accept pain

And keep a stone face to the world

As my old wounds had closed

This dagger of betrayal

Has reopened the scars of my past

And now I feel every ounce of it

Now after trying to find forgiveness

Enough to pardon your sins

I cannot, for should you have any pity

I could claim that you were still human

Now I want you to suffer

As I have suffered

For you have awoken

The daemon imbedded in my soul

I wish pain upon your soul

That I once loved

And now I loathe

In all consuming hatred

In my fantasy I dream

That you will seek me out

With tears welling

And you pleading for penance

That you shall know the pain

That I have felt by your hand

Shall be the sweetest retribution

In this life or the next

When I think this I feel

That the girl I once loved

Is now dead and that you

Have murdered her

And that you have let me live

To see her die and to live

Without her presence

Only a shell of apathy in her place

"Don't you see what you have done?"

I would shout with the shards of my soul

"If only you could see my soul dying

And the remains of what we once shared."

And as you plead I look at myself

At my hands and my soul

And I say with the whisper of the wind

But the force of all creation

"Do you not see what I have become?

Do you not see the devil I have become?

That you now see what power you had,

And now I wish the same suffering on you!"

As the goodness of my soul slips

Into the hands of darkness

I have forgotten love and now know

The monster I have become.

If I am not cured of this malady

I may be lost to this devil

If there is a God I now plead

"Save my soul, let me know love again."