Hiya Mandy,

Thanx 4 writin' 2 know u can luv a back-slidden than being back-slidden tho I'm doin good. Spend most of my time at Brian's (u know, the one u told grandma he seems like a punk,lol).I pretty much live with grandma if I can move out and she told me no,she needs the was really nice to know that she loves me just soooo much(can u detect the underlying sarcasm?)Don't matter (Brian's mom) says that if grandma wants to keep the money and I just go live there anyways that it will be hard but we'll find a way.I go home like once or twice a week in order to go to school and attempt to help mom, but other than that, my existence there is slowly fading...Well you may be hearing a lot more about me soon enuff so b I know most of what I'm saying is going to be repeated right back to Pastor so tell him this...

I still luv ya'll and appreciate wut ya'll have dun 4 me.I think about ya'll alot these days,especially Chuck and Jennifer.I think about my calling and I sometimes cry, but I havn't cried in a long time now.I've just accepted all that's happened.I still love God and I still witness to others( I have a lot of people to witness to now) and I know that even my broken testimony can not mar His greatness.I talk to God often, and I thank Him for still allowing me to come to Him because it's what keeps me sane now I think.I'm just waiting for the day He no longer allows me into His throne-room...I'm not bitter about it tho because I've always known that God is Just.I don't pray for myself...but I pray for my family,that they find God,for my future children(who I plan to raise Christian and teach the Word to)I pray for Brian and His family,that by His grace and mercy they'll escape hell,and I beg God that He finds a replacement for me since I have forsaken my 's a whole nation that,unless God sends someone, will live lost and die tormented.I pray for the church and all of you stilll...Brian and I are planning to move in with his aunt in a few months and find a church the whole family could go 't get me wrong ,Im not a hypocrite and I have no hope of making it to heaven but I still love God and still have the desire to go and worship Him.I still read my Word(not as often as I should but I do) and I still get it. I admit I don't sleep well at night but thats life...

So Mandy,tell them that,and some of that is for you too.I don't know whether u'll call grandma or mom to discuss all this and I dont really care. But i thought that despite all the horrible things u've done,u've also done many good things,for me at least and u deserve to know whats up.I already told mom that I'm going to do everything I can to move out of the house(things are getting crazier and easier to relate to hell) and she already said if it was up to her i duznt care about anything but the money and Kim said she can have it. Brian's turning 18 in 2 months ( a day after I turn 17) and is getting his G.E.D. planning on getting a job. I can almost graduate, i just have like 30-40 credits needed and I'm knockin em out fast.

I guess the only thing I havnt mentioned to you or anybody is that Brian and I want to have a baby and are planning on getting married.I know that's gonna cause hell among everybody in the family...but..o well..if u all disown me I have a replacement family,people who'll do their best to help me. Brian and I have already discussed it with his family and everybody's just fine in fact happy about ...love u...let u go now so u can run ur mouth...I'm kinda excited to find out who I'll get calling and berating me, yelling at me.U can reply with ur opinion, but try to b nice about it and remember this...I completely agree with Aristotle when he said it is the mark of an educated man(person) to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it as truth. So im glad to hear ur opinions( i can already guess them) but if I don't act upon them,I don' 's that and you'll know why.

Much Love

We are the graffiti on the wall of the world that says "Jesus was here"
- Beth Moore