"Did you hear?"
"About what?"
"No, what?"
"Something happen?"
"New gossip! Yay yay yay!"
"Shut up, May!"
"Geez, chill."
"Jenna Carol killed herself."
"What!?"
"Suicide?"
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I just heard it first-hand."
"Then it must be true."
"But, why?"
"Wait, who was she?"
"I don't know. She's in our grade, though."
"Red hair, tall, hangs out with that Sally girl?"
"Yeah, that's her."
"Geez."
"Wha'd she do that for?"
"Instant trip to Hell."
"She should have known better!"
"Doesn't anyone read the Bible anymore?"
"Y' know, I heard she was fucking that Sally girl."
"A lesbian!?"
"No way!"
"You're making that up!"
"It's true!"
"Geez, the world's goin' t' hell."
"I bet they brought their dildos to school and everything!"
"That's gross!"
"Hahaha, yeah, masturbating in class!"
"Hahaha!"
"Hahaha!"
"Hahaha!"
Samantha stared over at the girls making the most racket in the classroom. So Jenna had killed herself…
Class hadn't started yet, so the room was filled with the roaring din of conversations, mostly regarding things Catholic school girls were not supposed to talk about or be knowledgeable regarding.
"You got laid!?"
"So after school, lets-"
"Hahaha!"
Samantha's desk squeaked as she rearranged herself a bit. No one was talking to her, everyone was already preoccupied in their own separate conversations. She glanced around quickly to make sure no one was looking at her, then peeked into the private notebook that she held in her hands. She looked at the photograph wedged inside the pages: the girl with bright blond hair, blue eyes, small body, and could give hugs and kisses that melted away the memories of the day; the back of the photograph, without looking, read: "Sam, I will love you always. Elle"
The school bell rang in that cacophonous manner that startled anyone not expecting it. Mrs. Trevino entered the room, accompanied by the scraping of desks along the floor and some final laughs before everyone arranged themselves in the school manner that was expected of them. Samantha closed her notebook quickly and placed it under her school books.
Mrs. Trevino stood in front of the lines of desks and said, "Okay, everyone, turn in your papers."
The typical groans followed. Samantha opened her folder and pulled out her paper from between a few other assignments due today. She glanced again at the title of the paper, guessing that everyone else had one similar: "The Sins of Homosexuality."
At the end of class, during the fifteen minute break, Samantha went to the restroom. A few older girls were already in there, sneaking a cigarette between classes and talking in excited voices back and forth. She wondered why the teachers never noticed the smoke smell lingering on their Catholic girl uniforms.
Samantha locked herself in the stall farthest from the girls, pulled down her skirt and panties, and sat on the toilet. Her eyes drifted to the various carvings in the green plastic stall walls:
"All the boys love my pussy"
"For a good time, call 555-CUNT"
"Iheart pot"
"Manson rules!"
"You're sitting in my cunt juice"
Samantha stopped looking and rested her face in her hands. The conversation of the smoking girls traveled to her ears.
"How big was it?"
"Ten inches!"
"Liar!"
"Whatever, whore."
"No, really! It was fuckin' huge!"
"I bet you didn't feel a thing, saggy pussy!"
"Fuck off, bitch!"
"Hahaha!"
"Donna likes the pussy!"
"You like your mom!"
"Real mature, bitch."
"Hahaha!"
"So what's it taste like?"
"Prudy Stacy's still a virgin!"
"No guys want her little cherry nubs!"
"Shut up!"
Just be quiet, just be quiet, just be quiet.
The smoking girls left and two other girls came in, entering the two stalls to Samantha's left.
"I didn't see Sally today."
"No, I heard she's at home. Crying her eyes out."
"Christ."
"Well, you know how it was with those two."
"Yeah… Damn it, why'd she have to go kill herself? What's the fucking point?"
"Tell that to the hypocrites in the hallway."
"That's-yeah-I mean, still, two more years and they'd be out."
"Like it's any better on the outside."
"You know what I mean."
"Yeah."
Samantha flushed the toilet, fixed her clothing, and left the restroom, the stall door slamming shut behind her. The endless procession of Catholic girls traveled through the hallway like cattle. Samantha started walking to her next class.
"It's her own fault for going gay."
"No kidding."
"Fuckin' lez bitch. Good thing she offered herself so she won't pervert the rest of us."
"Yeah."
"She was goin' t' Hell anyway, so killin' 'erself doesn't change a thing, 'cept now she went there with muff on 'er face."
Samantha felt herself stop walking. She turned back around towards the two girls talking together and stared at the girl who said the most hateful comments. She walked back towards her, made a small dash that made a squeal with her shoes, and flung out her fist. A small crack was audible from her elbow. A louder crack was audible from the contact between Samantha's fist and the girl's face.
Samantha walked away cradling her hand. The knuckles were covered in a sheet of blood, and she may have fractured something. The girl she had punched was clutching her face and screaming obscenities. "You fucking bitch! What the fuck! I'll kill you, you fucking dyke bitch whore!"
The Secret Lives of Catholic Girls by Zilindico

