A simple room. All the walls are white.

But why? Why white? White is so boring. Why not pink?

Sigh… So now all the walls are pink. Yes, a bright, but simple room.

The walls are pink. Ooooh, how fun!

A light pink, because if it were a bright pink, it would hurt your eyes. Except you can't see it with your eyes. So why not bright pink? Yes, lets make it bright pink. And maybe…yes, a couple splashes of blue. A bright blue smiley face on the left wall, and a bright blue frowning face on the right wall.

Why a face? On the wall?

Oh, for heaven's sake! So many questions! Fine, we'll make a whole landscape on the wall in front of us.

Hmm…A landscape…which landscape?

An ocean landscape? A forest landscape?

Oh, how boring. A new landscape, I think.

No! That's stupid!

Well, fine, do you want to do it?

No, nevermind. You do it, master. I'm sure you'll do a great job.

Thank you. So, a new landscape. Maybe a tree on the left side, but not just any tree. One with no leaves, but instead, on its branches, a bunch of multi-colored string. Yes. Yarn. Hmm…

And the ground is made of…A gelatinous material.

Colored pink.

You seem to like pink, don't you?

Yes, duh. Pink is the new red.



We're wasting time…

Right. So, landscape.

The pink jello ground.

And the sky is…green. Yeah, that'll give the shrinks something to think about. He he he heeee…

Oh, be quiet. We have to finish, or we won't get to Lisa's tonight.

Fine, but she's so boring. She doesn't even visit the doctor for a check-up, let alone visit a shrink willingly.

Why do you want to make trouble constantly?

Cause it's fun. Now, back to work, remember?

Oh, get over yourself.

Anywho, the sky's green.

And there are rolling hills covered with bugs on them in the background. Cue icky feeling…Ok, we walk toward the picture on the wall, touch the picture, icky feeling keeps coming, a centipede climbs up our buddy's leg, icky feeling, scream, and there you have it.

Wow, you're so good at this, it's just weird.

Um, yeah, I'm the smart one here. Now, let's get to Lisa.

Oh, fine.

All right, now we have a blank slate. Algernon, go through the files. See if we have a real job tonight.

Don't tell me what to do!

Fine, please, go through the files. When we're finished with this one, it's the last one for tonight. Just get it over with. Calvin… Please.

Thank you. SingsPoliteness is oozing…It's as ugly as a bruising…Complete with the Palooooooooozing!


Fine. Here, I got today's update. Ok. So she wakes up, thinks about coffee, what clothes to wear, blah blah blah…Oh, here's something to play off of. She's worried about her student's hamster.


It's got a tumor. Oooooh, that would be sooooo much fun. Let's do that one Calvin! Let's do that one!

Ok, you weirdo.

Uh huh, that's right, I'm the bomb!

Right. That dance is overly attractive.

Thank you. I made it up myself.

WAY overly attractive.


Only in your head would you make up that dance.

Yes, my head. My demented and hilarious head. My head with HAIR.

Hey, that was uncalled for.

Baldy butt, baldy butt!

Shut up, stupid!

Who's gonna make me? You and your BALD head?

I feel the undeniable need to interrupt this nonsense. If you don't understand what is going on this ridiculously weird book, get over it. I can't help you.