6Title: Please Remember Me
Author: DisasterousLetdown
Genre: Drama
Rated: PG-13
Summary: (Standalone) What would you do when you realized that practically everything you did caused the one you love pain, but still they loved you with all their heart and didn't want to break up? Could you change your ways?
Please Remember Me
I sit here on the couch watching some weird show on TV, hell I don't even really know what it is about! I let out an annoyed sigh as I turn off the TV and throw the remote onto the coffee table. I can smell the sweet aroma of food coming from the kitchen. Josh is making dinner and I hope it will be done soon cause I am starving! I lay my body out on the couch and make myself more comfortable.
"Josh when will dinner be done?"
"In a minute."
"Well hurry the fuck up!" I yell back.
"I'm doing the best I can, it'll be done when it's done."
I groan in anger and turn onto my side. He annoys the hell out of me sometimes. I don't know why I stay with him! Moments later he walks into the living room holding a steaming bowl of... something. He hands it to me and I look at him in disgust.
"What the hell is it?" I ask.
"Chilli, you love chilli."
"Not when you make it!" I say angrily as I stand up and walk toward the door with my car keys in hand.
"Where are you going?"
"To McDonalds to get some real food."
"I just can't do anything right anymore can I?" He asks staring at me with tears in his eyes.
"Please don't say you're gonna cry now!"
"Please stop!"
"Whatever I'm leaving I'll be back later."
"Please don't leave Rob." He cries.
"Well I'm not gonna stay here!" I yell.
"Fine! I won't be here when you get home... I'm gonna go see Ryan, I'll be back later!" He yells pushing past me and getting into his car.
I watch as his car disappears into the night and slam the door angrily. Who the hell does he think he is? Fucking asshole! Guy has no respect does he? Fine I'll show him when he gets home, he doesn't yell at me like that! Doesn't he expect me to be angry? Maybe it is best if he just stays away for a while, give me time to calm down cause at this point I don't know what I would do to him.
I decide to just order a pizza so I walk over to the phone and call Dominos. I order a medium pepperoni pizza and then sit down on the couch to wait for the delivery guy to arrive. I am so pissed off right now I can't even think straight. There are a million thoughts going through my head all at once and I can't focus on even one of them. I lay down on the couch and turn on the TV. I flip through the channels until I find Malcolm In The Middle and decide to watch it.
About thirty minutes later the door bell rings and I drag my body off the couch to answer the door. I hand the pizza delivery boy the money and take the pizza from him. I shut the door and walk back into the living room. I sit the pizza down on the coffee table and take out a slice. I sit there and eat while I watch another episode of Malcolm In the Middle. I am not even sure how much time passes by when I hear the front door open and Josh slowly walks into the living room with a pitiful look on his face. My anger begins to build when I see him, it is like just his presence can set me off.
"Are you still angry at me?" He asks softly, looking at me with pleading eyes.
"You're damn right I am still angry!" I yell as I stand up and walk toward him. "Who do you think you are yelling at me and storming out of here like you did?"
"Come on Rob I don't want to fight, can't we just say we were both wrong and forget about this?" He asks letting out a sigh.
"No we can't just forget this! I was not wrong!"
"Fine be stubborn, I'm tired so I am going to go to bed!" He yells as he turns and walks out of the room.
"Don't you fuckin' walk away from me!" I scream as I follow him into our bedroom.
"Damn it Rob I don't want to fight, I'm tired of all the fighting." He says looking at me with a glare on his face, but I can tell he is defeated.
"What the fuck is your problem? We fight because of you, you always manage to piss me off and that is no big surprise since you are such a fuckin' jerk!"
"Stop it Rob!" He yells. "I am not the one with a problem here! It is your fuckin' attitude, everything I do sets you off. Hell I could be sitting on the couch and you'd find a reason to yell at me!"
At that I punch him in the jaw and he stares at me with wide eyes. I push him back and he falls to the floor where I kick him in the stomach. He is coughing, trying to get some air into his body. Once he can speak he pleads with me to stop and there are tears streaming down his face. A glare is set on my face as I kick him one last time and tell him to get out of the bedroom. He turns his morose gaze on me and continues to plead.
"Get the fuck out! You're sleeping on the couch tonight!" I scream, trembling in anger.
He drags his hurt body off of the floor and makes his way out into the hall. He turns to look at me with his sad eyes as he silently pleads with me not to do this. I slam the door in his face and lock the door. Slowly I walk over to our bed and lay down on my side of it. My anger is slowly starting to fade and I am left staring out the open window. I don't know why I get so mad, maybe I have anger management problems. I love Josh I truly do, but I always seem to be angry with him. I want to go out there and tell him to come sleep in here with me, but I am afraid I will get angry again once I see him so I don't move from my spot on the bed. Anyways I am still slightly angry with him... I can't help, but not be. What he said to me really bothered me and I am still quite pissed about it. I feel bad about making him cry, but I am too angry to force myself to apologize and that is what I would be doing... forcing myself to.
What is really bothering me though is that I pretty much beat him up. I am not a violent person so what possessed me to lay a finger on him? My anger was to the extreme, but that is no reason to beat him. Maybe I should get help for my anger... no! My anger isn't that bad, I can handle it on my own.
The Next Day
I walk into the living room to see Josh sitting on the couch watching Will and Grace. I sit down next to him and he looks at me hesitantly. I roll my eyes and stand back up.
"So what you don't want me sitting next to you anymore?" I ask with a glare on my face.
Hmm... that is all I have on my face anymore, what happened to my smile?
"No that's not it... I just wasn't sure if you were angry with me still." He explains quickly.
"Well I am now!" I yell.
I watch him let out a sigh as he closes his eyes. "Please Rob don't start."
"Don't start? I'm not starting anything!" I say through gritted teeth.
"Yes you are!" He yells as he stands up from the couch.
"Looks to me like you're the one who is starting something." I say with a smirk.
I watch as he tightens his fists at his sides and for a minute I wonder if he is going to punch me, but then he lets out a scream as he pushes past me. I follow him into the hall and watch as he puts on his coat then grabs his keys. I roll my eyes at his actions, he can be such a drama queen!
"Where are you going?" I ask.
"Away from you!" He says in anger. "I'll be back later."
"Whatever." I say shrugging my shoulders.
He looks at me with hurt eyes before shaking his head and walking out of the house. I shut the door behind him and walk into the kitchen. I grab out a coke and take it into the living room with me. Josh hates when I drink from the bottle, I think that is why I do it. I am evil I know, but does it look like I care? No!
I open my eyes sometime later and look at the clock. Damn I didn't even know I fell asleep, but I was out for hours. I look around in confusion wondering what woke me up when I hear a knock on the front door. With a groan I drag my uncooperative body off of the couch and make my way to the door. I see Billy when I open it and let him into the house. He follows me into the living room and I sit back down on the couch.
"Where's Josh?" Billy asks me.
"Don't know don't care." I mumble.
"You guys like still having problems?" He asks me sympathetically.
"When are we not having problems?" I ask with a sigh. "Now he's got it into his head that it's all my fault."
"Aww I'm sure he didn't mean it."
"He meant it, believe me he meant it."
"Well I'm sure it's not all your fault."
"It isn't all my fault, he's just being an asshole."
"Yeah..." He says obviously not knowing what else to say.
"Do you want a drink?" I ask.
"Yeah please."
"Alright, what ya want?" I ask as I stand up.
"Anything's good with me."
I nod my head as I walk into the kitchen. I take a can of Mountain Dew out of the fridge then turn around only to bump into Billy. He laughs softly as he backs up a little and apologizes. I stare at him and he looks at me with a questioning look on his face. I pull him to me and press my lips against his in a hungry kiss. His surprised form is stiff in my arms, but I tilt my head to deepen the kiss. He gently pushes me away though and I can't help, but groan in frustration.
"What about Josh?" He pants out.
"I don't care and you shouldn't either." I say before planting my lips on his once again.
He doesn't do anything for a moment, but then slowly begins to respond. I fist my hands into his shirt and pull him as close as possible. I hear a small moan escape him and that just makes me want him even more. I pull away from the kiss and he tries to bring my lips back to his, but I stay firm. He opens his eyes and looks at me pleadingly. I can't help, but smile at the look on his face. Guess he wants this as much as I do.
"Let's take this upstairs." I say softly.
His eyes light up and he nods his head vigorously. I grin at that and take him by the hand. I lead him up to my room and shut the door behind us. I push him up against the wall and connect our lips in another hungry kiss. He pulls my body closer to his this time and grabs the hem of my shirt before pulling it over my head. He plants his lips on my chest before my shirt even hits the ground and I have to grip onto the door frame for balance. I pull him away from my chest and take him over to the bed where I push him down. There is excitement in his eyes as he stares up at me. I grin as I pull his shirt off and throw it onto the floor. Next I take off his pants and he quickly sits up to take off mine.
Once we are both in our boxers I lay down on top of him and capture his lips with mine. I grind my erection into his and the friction causes us both extreme pleasure. I moan loudly and continue my grinding. We are both moaning continuously and I can't take this teasing anymore. I grab his boxers and am about to pull them off when I hear someone gasp. I look toward the door to see Josh standing there with his mouth agape and tears are streaming down his face. I scramble off of Billy and stand there awkwardly.
"How could you?" Josh whispers.
"I... Well... Look Josh..."
"Um... I think I should like... leave." Billy says collecting his clothing.
"No Billy you can stay I'll leave." Josh says with a broken voice as he runs from the room.
"Josh damn it wait a second!" I yell as I run after him.
"How could you do this to me Rob?" Josh asks me with the tears never ceasing to fall from his eyes.
"Oh come on Josh you didn't see this coming?" I ask as Billy rushes past us and out the front door. "Nothing happens between us anymore so I had to find it somewhere."
He stares at me with hurt eyes. "Goodbye Rob." He whispers as he walks out the door.
I walk outside and watch as his car disappears into the night. This is an all too familiar scene, but this time I am not angry... I am sad. I didn't mean to say that Josh, it just sort of came out...
Midnight That Night
I sit on the couch and drink away my sorrow. It feels weird not having Josh here, usually he is always by my side and now he is not. I regret what I did with Billy, It was extremely stupid. Josh will probably never come back now and I have no one to blame, but myself.
All of a sudden there is a knock on the door and I look toward it in confusion. Who on earth would be here at this hour? Slowly I walk over to the door and open it. I am surprised when I see Josh standing there. I open the door a little a wider and he walks inside. For the longest time we just stand there staring at each other and not saying a word.
"What are you doing here Josh?" I ask softly.
"I... I just couldn't... I..." He says letting out a sigh, he can't seem to get out what he wants to say. "Here just read this, it will explain everything."
I take the folded up piece of paper and open it to see a poem. I look at him in confusion, but he tells me to read it. I stare at him for a second longer before turning my attention to the paper and reading the poem...
Nothing feels right
This all just seems wrong
I'm trying to hold on
But I'm afraid I'm just not that strong
Why do you say you love me
And then just turn away
Please listen to me
I have so much to say
Are we falling apart
Are we just not meant to be
Why do you keep turning away
Why don't you talk to me
Would you please just let me in
Your feelings I want you to share
You mean everything to me
But do you even care
You've hurt me so deeply
My heart may never mend
Your so called love cut me like a razor
But still I don't want this to end
I look up at Josh with tears in my eyes once I am done reading his poem and open my mouth to say something, but close it when no words come out. I pull him into my arms and am glad when he doesn't pull away. He embraces me as I embrace him and we both cry. That poem really put things into perspective for me, how could I have been so cold to the one I love.
"I am so sorry Josh, I can't say it enough. I don't deserve you, I am so sorry for hurting you." I say as I continue to cry.
"I forgive you Rob, I love you too much not to forgive you. I wanted to hate you and leave you behind, but I couldn't stay away. I can't imagine my life without you." He says sincerely.
I stare at him more in love with him than ever and press my lips to his. He kisses me back and this kiss means so much to the both of us... but for different reasons.
"You want to go to bed and when we wake up we can start anew?" He asks me once we pull apart.
"Yeah that sounds good to me." I say with tears still on my face.
He smiles at me happily and takes my hand as we walk up to our room. Once there we lay down in our bed and Josh cuddles up into my arms. I smile as I wrap my arms around him protectively and place a kiss on his forehead. He smiles once again and lets out a sigh as sleep starts to take him away. I just lay there staring at him while he sleeps, embedding his features into my memory. I can't believe I hurt him so much, but yet he is still here willing to give me another chance. He is too forgiving for his own good.
Slowly I move out of our embrace, careful not to wake him up and then get out of bed. All these problems we have been having are because of me, how could I have so blind not to notice it? I have a problem and I don't know if I will ever be able to fix it. I love Josh so much and I can't stand to see him in so much pain because of me. I don't want to hurt him anymore and there is only one way I can think of to stop... I have to leave. I hope one day he finds it in his heart to forgive me for leaving him like this.
Silently I take a duffel bag out of the closet and pack most of my stuff. I take my favorite picture of me and Josh, I can't leave it behind. Once everything is packed I sit down at the desk and write Josh a letter.
Josh,
I am sorry for not treating you the way that I should have. I am not good for you, to have in your life and I know one day you will realize this. I'm sorry for not leaving like a man, but we both know that you would have tried to stop me. I am so sorry for hurting you, more than you will ever know. I hope you get everything you deserve in life, you will find someone better than me who will love you in the way that I could not. Please don't hate me for this, though I can't blame you if you do. Just keep in mind that I do love you with all my heart and there won't be a day that goes by when I won't be thinking about you. You will always have a special place in my heart and I hope the same goes for me in yours. Please remember me and all the special times we had together before I started hurting you, but please move on. Don't try to find me Josh, please put me in your past and keep me there. I love you so much that is why I had to do this, my heart forever lies with you. Live your life happily and live it to the fullest. Until our next life time (And I know we will meet again) this is goodbye.
Love Always,
Rob
I fold the letter and place it gently down on my pillow next to Josh's sleeping head. He stirs slightly, but thankfully doesn't wake up. I smile sadly as I look upon him for the last time and lean down to place one last kiss on his lips. After that the tears fill my eyes and I know it is time for me to go. I grab my duffel bag and exit the bedroom. I make my way downstairs and take one last look at the only place I can call home before walking out into the cold. I place my things in the trunk of my car and get in the driver's seat. I start up the engine hoping it doesn't wake Josh and pull out of the driveway. As I drive away I don't look back, but if I would have I would have seen Josh standing on the porch watching me drive away with tears streaming down his face and my letter clutched in his hand.
All our tears have reached the sea
Part of you will live in me
Way down deep inside my heart
The days keep coming without fail
New wind is gonna find your sail
That's where your journey starts
You'll find better love
Strong as it ever was
Deep as the river runs
Warm as the morning sun
Please remember me
Just like the waves down by the shore
Gonna keep on coming back for more
Cause we don't ever want to stop
Out in this brave new world of sea
Over the valleys and the peaks
And I can see you on the top
You'll find better love
Strong as it ever was
Deep as the river runs
Warm as the morning sun
Please remember me
Remember me when you're out walking
When snow falls high outside your door
Late at night when you're not sleeping
And moonlight falls across your floor
When I can't hurt you anymore
You'll find better love
Strong as it ever was
Deep as the river runs
Warm as the morning sun
Please remember me
Please remember me
The End
The song is...
Please Remember Me by Tim McGraw
And I wrote the poem!
A/N: So what did you think? I'm very proud of this, I have been working on this for a long time and had gotten writer's block which I am sure you can tell in parts of this. I just started writing on this tonight though and couldn't stop until I was finished. I hope you like this, please leave me a review and tell me what you thought :o)