Goth Boy Goes to Hell
Act I, Movement A: Intro
"Well, you see, Billy, in the beginning there was nothing; The Bastard God of Creationism just randomly formed by sheer chance, and started to create the universe. As you should very well know, there was no light at the time of the beginning; so The Bastard God of Creationism created Zippo lighters, these Zippo lighters provided a flame for which The Bastard God of Creationism could use to see with. And, well, after that he… he created various other things, in this exact order; the atomic bomb, cows, the Spanish inquisition, Douglas Adams, rubber, ducks, Animal Farm, by George Orwell, the terrible secret of space, opium, Tina Fey…" the man in the video brightly projected just as the film ripped, it was about John John John Joe Johnson the Third and the correct version of the creation theory. It was a bright, sunny day in Fictional City; and Steve, the whiny, depressive Goth kid would have you informed that it was the worst day of his life. He would have also told you that any day of the week. Steve was a student in Fictional City High-school; it was a well-known fact that everything in the city that was nameable was usually named "Fictional City Something or Other", Steve; the depressed Goth student was overly stereotypical when it came to his Gothyness. That being said he extemporized overly horrible poetry, wore nothing but black and cut himself a lot. He had gained friends through pity, they didn't really worry for him, mind you; they just randomly pity people for no reason whatsoever. It was fifth period and Steve was bored, this being so; he turned to one of his friends who shared the class with him.
"What does any of this have to with math," asked the friend,
"Shut-up, you're interrupting the time with which I could whine in," retorted Steve,
"Well fuck Australia (a dispositional, cheery nick-name), you've been silent for the last half hour!" Steve's friend muttered just loud enough for him to hear,
"You're insane," commented Steve,
"I'm not insane, I'm just crazy," His friend defended,
"But that's the same thing, Jane," Steve vexed confusedly,
"I like bananas!" Jane piped merrily, Jane was either a very content young person who heavily took to non-conformist ideas, or a mad eccentric who was, well, rather mad. During this time the vice principal and the very first zombie, Ted Oakley, had stepped into the room.
"Aaahrgh, ugh, ngh!" Ted Oakley, the zombie vice principal stated in a very tact manner. Mr. Hal, the stereotypical math teacher noticed this, replying with,
"TED, HOW ARE YOU DOING," the math teachers' voice had shattered the classrooms window, all present students had cowered under their tables, hands over heads as glass spattered amongst the entirety of the room.
"Ugh!" Ted clearly stated,
"Well, you heard him, you insolent little shits! Off to your fucking science class!" Bleated Mr. Hal. The students groaned, wearily leaving their dull, un-explanatory teacher and his poor excuse of a math class… only to wind up in Mr. Jacob's science and/or physical education class. Mr. Jacob wasn't the most… sane of teachers, in fact he was a mad scientist who invented many an oddity, most of which exploded upon first usage. Today there was something horribly, horribly large and the teacher was wearing some sort of sterilized protective suit. As the class settled in, one of the students inquired,
"Mr. Jacob, Mr. Jacob; what's that?" To which Mr. Jacob replied,
"Well, this device will either create ham sandwiches, or it will mar the very fabrics of time and space; I haven't looked into the possible consequences of using this machine… but it's purpose shall be demonstrated first thing in today's lesson." Some other friends had joined Steve and Jane, she then spoke.
"Hey Zack, how goes the conspiracy theories?"
"Rather inactive…" Zack petered out,
"Pete, how goes the asshole thing," Jane tried again,
"I fucking hate you," barked Pete, never quite a conversationalist,
"Hey, Rosie," Rosie was staring off into space, "Rosie? Oh, fuck conversations not involving incessant whining-Steve?" she desperately attempted, "Talk to me,"
"Well, I…" before Steve could finish his sentence, Mr. Jacob interrupted by starting that Mondays class cheerily with,
"Good morning, you little ass monkeys! Today we shall fuck around with physics, resulting in either tasty, delightful sandwiches… or your untimely demises. Also, we are playing dictionary dodge ball today, so don't anybody break a bone-I'll fucking kill you!"
"Mr. Jacob, what about…" The same curious student half inquired,
"Oh, don't worry, kids; as you can see, I'll be perfectly fine, thanks to this extra-special suit that protects me from such phenomena!" Chided he, "I'm perfectly fucking safe, as for you… well if something goes wrong, you're pretty much fucked." The students were paralyzed in fear; Mr. Jacob rolled a book cart loaded with dictionaries into the front of the class, saying,
"Have fun, kiddies!" About three out of twenty-eight people were completely unfazed by this, and began hurling all sorts of inadequate dictionaries and thesauruses around the room as the rest sit silently, sweating bullets. Mr. Jacob attempts to activate the device, manipulating various mechanical switches, levers, knobs and rather bright, red, blinking lights. It started with a menacing hum, multi-colored lights and a cymbal crash, steam hissed from it's under side. As the steam billowed throughout the room and books crashed into students, a single, weighty dictionary had made headway towards the machine. It's collision wrought on a now infamous event that would ultimately change Steve's life for the better.
Act One, Movement B: I'll Beat The Emo Out of You
The dictionary had struck its mark with nice, boisterous thud. The menacing whirr of the machine had almost immediately transformed into a monstrous, howling cacophony of pounding, irritable pulses that shook the room to its utter core. The machine fluxed in a maddening tempo, the walls cracked, the desks shook, the students whimpered and Steve… was missing out on all of it, he'd been zoning out for the past hour, the only thing he was even vaguely aware of was the letter Q. The room was now consumed in a vortex filled with random crap such as penguins, cows, and automobiles- all that good stuff; the walls exploded as if they were in an action movie were everything was made out of about forty pounds of plastic explosives. The room seemed to be melting into space, the air was hot, time stretched and all went black. For a brief time there was nothing, then there was everything, the rather unfortunate students had either gone mad or were awed by the happenings taking place that had been taking place. At this point in time the vortex had became a vacuum, nothing was safe from its mighty pull, Steve, especially.
The vacuum led to a dark, seemingly endless tunnel. Steve had finished zoning out and noticed that he was moving at a pace that defied physics, he also noticed his classmates, some of which were screaming, their desks, several dictionaries, a couple backpacks and assorted school clutter had formed a rather dense cloud of matter, he also noticed that everything was most definitely floating. At this moment, Steve started to cry for mommy, following the example of the majority of the other students who had decided to panic versus those who would just wish them to please, shut the fuck up, we've been in this fucking tunnel for a half hour and I don't need your bloody screams keeping me up while I'm trying to take a nap. After about three hours of this nonsense, every body seemed to notice an annoying light at the end of the tunnel as this horribly bright light drew closer, one could start to make out the image of clouds against a light-blue background. As they drew even closer, they realized that it was, indeed, a bunch of clouds in the sky and then they thought,
"Well fuck, this is going to a most un-pleasurable experience, I suppose I shall curl up into the fetal position and cry myself to sleep… yes, that should work,"
As they were flung from the depths of the tunnel and into the air, it became clear that only five feet separated everything and body from the ground, as a short arc of flight elapsed most thought,
"Well, that's rather anti-climactic,"
Whilst the others (our dictionary flinging friends) had decided to stick to the original plan of kicking and screaming 'til the cows come home. The entirety of the impact met with quite a large thud. A patter of distant hooves could be heard, Steve got off of his ass and looked around. He was standing in a rural pasture with a grand Romanesque city on one side, a deep and vast forest on the other, he also notice a group of ravenous, seemingly barbaric warriors emerging from the forest, their swords, axes, spears and other such weapons drawn in a very hostile manner. So he sat down and stared at the castle complacently. Jane and another student then walked up to Steve.
"Hey, jackass," greeted Jane,
"Hey," Steve moped,
"There seem to be a bunch of… uh…" she squinted at the still distant figures,
"Vikings," Steve interrupted,
"What," she queried vaguely,
"I think those guys are Vikings," He stated in loud, clear voice,
"I really don't think so, Steve," she replied callously, "and the large Romanesque citadel behind me doesn't help much, either…"
"Well, I have absolutely no idea who those guys could be, then," Steven shrugged it off. After a long, uncomfortable pause, Jane chimed in with,
"Well, there's a blood-thirsty hoard of barbarians approaching, we should probably get a move on while we still have a chance, don't you think?" Steve seemed to abandon all forms of thought as he shrugged off his fate a second time. All of the other students smiled upon this thought as sage advice, and ran for their lives crying for mommy all the way. Steve just sat there in a Zen pose whilst Jane doggedly attempted to cart his ass off to safety and sanctum, the hoard drew near and time was running short. Jane had given up and lay on the ground, making a farce of her death, whilst Steve had simply gotten his head lopped off by an axe-wielding horseman. His body still retained its posture, where his head once was there was now but a bloody stump that had contained many a vein, resulting in a stream of blood pouring from the new-found Steve fountain. Steve then had the audacity to reappear after flickering for a while as he stood on the corpse of his previous body. This process decided to be a jackass, and repeated itself for quite the long while, until the invaders just gave up on killing this odd, would be daemon; they opted to stop wasting their energy, attacking the massive citadel of a city instead. They eviscerated the portcullis with an iron will and each fought as a man possessed, there was much screaming, bloodshed, iconoclastic smashing and city burning following this. The student party had noticed this, though Steve took their greater attention, one fellow decided to test a theory. It was Pete, and he had killed Steve with a large, now blood smeared rock. Steve re-appeared and was quickly killed again; he would have died a third time by Pete's hand, had he not said,
"God damnit Pete! Stop killing me; I believe you've made enough of a spectacle of my miraculous, new ability!" And stop he did. Actually, he was readying another strike when a bizarre eddy in the fabrics of time and space had engulfed them, a walrus, an ostrich and a bowl of pecans. Only a random number between one and facetious could tell what was to happen next.