A Prolonged Return

My name is Erendur Amandil; my writing style is rather dark,

And I have chosen to rekindle the things that I have left undone,

Those of you who have read my work, eyed my detail like a shark,

Everything I have done up to now shows that I have much to succumb,

Nothing I have done in the past truly shows you who or what I have become,

I did not ask, nor chose for the life style I have; nor can I be less stark.

Lately, I am in constant struggles as I fight to organize my thoughts,

Desperation slowly engulfs me while I plan ahead to my future,

Though I have gradually gotten a grip and acquire that which I have sought,

Slowly I am trying to make myself gain a mental state of rapture,

In order to become things that I am not can be such torture,

And by force I teach myself things that I was never taught.

With path is blurred yet laid at my feet as I work to make my attempt,

Words of wisdom, though few; can make many things soothing,

Past memories which I try to remember, but my mind is so unkempt,

Taking things slowly and a bit at a time show that I am mousing,

To take control, yet be my own cause and reason for tousling,

Feelings and thoughts jumbled and causing me constant contempt.

This is my attempt at a true poetry format; I know it's not that good;

but I am trying to better myself.

Tracer Stevens 6.6.05