Everyone is a little sexist…
Many may deny it… but they just don't know… I bet that as you read this you are thinking, "how the hell could you know that I am sexist?"
Did you know that sexism has more than one meaning?
A guy must always be a guy... what is wrong with a boy who wants a Barbie?...
What the fuck is the point of this…? Why the hell am I writing in this?…
No, not today… maybe later… I'll explain…
ENTRY 1...

I was the odd one everywhere I went… rarely noticed.

I have three brothers and one sister. I wasn't the oldest not the youngest, I wasn't even the middle child. I was always forgotten.

Kevin was the middle child… he was such a spoiled brat, more so than Randy, the youngest. Randy had the sweetest attitude amongst us all… it sickened me. Samantha, at nineteen, was the oldest. She was a party girl… nothing more, merely that. I swear that God had abridged her train of thinking because He knew those extra brain cells would have just completely gone to waste. Dane was the second to the oldest, he was just depressing… I loved him the most… He, unlike the rest of my family, had a reason to be depressed… he always did.

My parents are both fucked up, ignorant fools. My mother, who owns a company who makes shoes, always tries to make it look like that my dad made the majority of the money brought home… She plays the house wife and always put on the disgusting show of her being inferior to my father without actually being inferior.

But what was even more sickening than her diminishing her pride was my father's ignorance. I was so surprised as to how stupid he could be sometimes. He actually falls for my mother's tricks. He was always the one home or out looking for a new job. He calls us the all typical American family… and that was the only thing he ever got right…

We were the typical American family… we were completely, totally, most assuredly… fucked up. We always have been.
I am the second to the youngest child. I am fifteen years old. I have nothing in this family, nothing. Samantha is the beautiful, glamorous daughter at home while she plays the hung over slut everywhere else. Dane was the depressed, kept to himself all the time kid who has been to therapy so many times, I have lost count. Kevin was the spoiled, fat, brat and Randy was the perfect child.

My parents had always called Randy "their little genius" because he always brought home A's and he skipped two grades… a ten year old in seventh grade. He was a skinny twirp with no life. He worked too hard to have all the attention in my family. They all thought that he was the smartest amongst us all but I knew… he wasn't, Dane was… always has been, always will be.

I had nothing… I was just the extra. I was just "Adrian, could you be a good girl and watch Randy tonight while we take Dane to his appointment" or I was "Adrian, be the woman of the house and cook your brothers and Samantha dinner." Those and others like them were all they ever said to me. Other than that, I was kept in the shadows.

No one ever actually talked to me in this family… or anywhere… but Dane. Dane only spoke to me… unless he was directly asked to speak. We had joint bed rooms. One bathroom was shared between us, we lived in the basement. It was allot like our hideout… no one was ever allowed in but us.

Dane and I talked often but it was mostly in the middle of the night and we would call each other through the walls.

"Adrian? You awake?"

I look up at my ceiling. "Yeah, I'm awake," I called to him.

"You won't believe the stupid questions Dr. Worbock asked me today," he whispered.

I rubbed the sleep in my eyes. "Yeah? What were they?"

I could almost feel his warm breath as he chuckled. "He asked what my sex life was like."

I had to grin at that. "Yeah? What did you do?"

"I winked at him then said 'I get um every time I walk into a classroom'."

I laughed, I could almost see Dr. Worbock and my parent's expressions as they stare at Dane's straight and serious face.

"A?"

"Hmm?"

"I can't sleep."

You never can nowadays…I took a breath before I asked, "Dreamt of her again?"

There was a pause on the other side and then I heard a sudden intake of breath. "Yeah…" his voice was just a little more than a whisper. I knew he was hurting again… I hate it when he hurts.

Silence passed between us and then suddenly, my door opens, Dane walks in. He is wearing his pale blue two size too big shirt and a jacket. He was cold again, I could tell. I didn't understand how he could always be so cold. He was a well built guy and was tall. He was just perfect, built to perfection. I knew it wasn't the weather that made him shiver. A lock of his thick brown hair swept over his right eye. His eyes were gray again… it was pale… he was pale… he looked dead.

I lifted my sheets and motioned for him to join me. He climbed into my bed with as much skill as a cat. I wrapped my blankets tightly around him. I smoothed my palm across his forehead… and I sang to him until he fell asleep…

I slowly climbed out of my bed so to make sure that I had not disturbed him. A weak voice reached my ears just as I got off…

"A? don't leave…"

There was so much pleading in his voice that I was instantly pulled back.

He was staring at me with his perfect gray blue eyes. They were so sad… so pleading and still yet… penetrating.

"I'm sorry." His eyes wondered off toward my ceiling. "I don't know why I keep on bothering you, it is just that… I trust you."

"Yeah…" I held his hand in mine. "I'll always be here for you, you know that."

He smiled weakly.

At least he smiled…

"Thanks." His eyes shut, his hand still held mine… tightly… as if he was afraid…

I pressed my back against the wall, my eyes were glued to his face. My brother… oh Dane…

…

My cheeks were wet…