2Its days like these I wish I was the person I used to be
I've grown so used to helping others that I am unable to help myself
I wish I didn't care so much
If only I could forget all these things and start out new
What I thought I did so long ago
But when all is revealed
You learn secrets about yourself that you never knew
When everything takes its last weary breath
Pain shimmers through its lonely chest
I stumble through the front door
Shutting it quickly
My last attempt to shut the world out
I softly count the steps to the dimly lit room laid before me
Sitting on the bed
Head firmly pressed into rough hands
Hands that have touched such beautiful things
Carried such heavy burdens
Worn out by thoughts of the long light ahead
It seems to be too much to take
Wandering through the room
Rummaging for an unknown substance
Some elixir to take away the pain
Agony to a certain extent creates pleasure
My eyes light up with wonderful fear as the weapon of choice touches my trembling fingertips
Anxiety creeps through my tightening veins
A smile plays across my swollen lips
A smile flashed at people with so much hatred
Faked daily
Clearly distinguished
Quick to be forgotten
Slowly gripping my hand around the red knife
Twirling it between my index and middle finger
Making it seem like a game
A competition in my mind
That I always lose
Staring deeply at the compact case
Shining in the night
Reflecting the light falling upon its many facets
Gently, I push my thumb against the knife
Releasing it from isolation
Introducing it to my lonely skin
Capricious decisions result in my pain
My hands crave this small blade
Running my smooth fingertips along its edge of sheer brilliance
Softly releasing my rage
Drawing it across my arm
Slowly, with precision
I begin to shiver with morbid delight
Its ruthlessness takes no pity
Slowly tracing my veins
Plotting a map
A collision course of where I should go and what I should do
The light flickers
Theweapon pushes deeper into warm flesh
Biting through my shield of confidence
Surrendering me to pain
Drawing me closer to death
Right where I want to be
I love myself right now
The way my hands tighten as my thumb presses into the knife
Angling it into my skin
Blood seeps from my throbbing veins
Dripping onto my legs and pooling in my lap
Watching my self imposed hell fill my thoughts
I escape my dreams and drift off into reality
Warmth seeps down my jeans
Sticking to my legs
My skin grows tight and clammy
A thick sweat emerses
Drowning me
Suffocating me with the rope of my own life
Choking me with my abundant mistakes
With a final slice, my revenge on myself has ended
Weary and bloody
The knife drops to the floor
The object intended to cut problems out of my life
Has failed me once again
Looking over the bedside at the blade covered in my own blood
Seeping from my veins
Poaring out my life
One drop at a time