Clear fluid,
Too strong on its own.
Mixed with orange soda,
And it still burned.

You walked me home
(you held me as I stumbled)
And gave me gum to hide my breath.
My mom believed me as I slurred words of tiredness.

Then in the floor of my room,
Megan listened to me cry for you.
I sent you messages of my love,
Unrequited and hanging helplessly.

It's just a girl,
She told me.

I rambled about suicide before she saw my skin.
Terrified,
She called for the help I denied ever needing,
Still deny ever needing.

My mom came in screaming,
Kicked me and banged me into the wall.
It's art,
I laughed.

Morning
And Megan was gone,
Sent back to Indiana.
Consequences proved mild
When mother merely locked me in the house,
Deepening problems.

That day
You came by to see me;
You knew how much I wanted to lean on you.
I long for the strong to shield me from mistakes.
And we laid together.
You grazed my hands, stroked the still burning cuts.
You let me wrap my arms around you and our heads kept falling
Far too close.

Time for you to leave
And I dug my nails in;
I didn't want to lose you again.
Hugging me close one last time,
You promised you'd come back.

And yet
We both know you still love her more.
I can't change how you feel,
Can't ask you to leave my heart alone.
I don't regret
Attempting to escape thoughts of you.
I'm always thinking of you
And the games you play with me.