A/N: I want to clear up a few things before we start here. For starters, take your time or none of it will make sense, I do know what this foreign concept of "grammar" is and thought I'd take a shot in the dark without its (grammar's) able assistance. I'd like feedback on that one, whetherthis isoriginal or just annoying, or maybe a rip-off of Michael Ondaatje (I wish). I think the best bet for reading this, aside from having to re-read it eight times, is to take it in big chunks rather than as individual sentences that sort of run together and possibly garble in the process. Or you could just use it as a prep to Coming Through Slaughter's nightmarish non-coordination and have done (v good book btw).

The other thing is towards the end, I've got some pretty fanatical-sounding Catholicism going. Don't worry; I'm no crazier than the next person, I don't think. I'm not part of the KKK nor do I want to recruit anyone to the priesthood. But I don't want you to think that that's the entirety of the Catholic faith, which I know is sort of on the rocks reputation-wise as it is, being up for grabs in the joke department. You can probably tell that I'm not the biggest fan of the Church, but Jesus is love and that's what we've got to try for, isn't it. Model for life and all that. I hope that's a concept anyone can understand because if it isn't we might be in trouble...

Dropping cigarettes outside the Earth General Store.

His eye twitches again.

It started when he got into drinking. This was right after he lost his family. It would be easier to avoid pain by avoiding people he thought. He still needs them or it might have worked.

Naked she sat wearing glasses on the couch. It was cold out but she wanted that.

The drugs were easier to get off. That was something he could do. It was a temporary arrangement to ease him back into reality or maybe out of it. He might have been in denial but it was hard to tell. There was a girl who was obsessed with him and then the next one tried to control him.

They had a purely physical relationship at first. He thought he was in love with her and she didn't believe in that. She wanted him to help him to help herself. She couldn't ever quite decide if her parents were in love.

Curled up shaking she said don't ever let me get AIDS don't let me I don't ever want to die.

Hard to think when your wrists are bleeding when your ankles lie frozen into soft dirt, grimy flesh and streaked. Time to think but hard. Good thing there are people to love out there. Good thing they're so hard to find or it might be taken for granted.

It sure isn't easy sometimes is it. It would be nice for a break that life won't offer. Wrong to take advantage of that. Wrong to expect it of everyone else.

Time for a change.

Her parents made her angry their fighting their pointless nothing their questions. Not for long. Soon they would reconcile. They would have to they couldn't keep living like this. They made her feel crazy like she had to get rid of something too bad she couldn't cut it out but she sure could try.

Then he came and it was all taken care of.

He wanted her to be alright. Easy for you to say she laughed why don't you do your life and I'll handle this one. Don't let me in on your secrets I don't want to know. Don't you involve me in my own problems.

Too late if that was really what she wanted. It wasn't though only the part of her that was still sane. She reasoned with herself maybe she could just try going without her home for now. She knew she could never go back once she was gone but she reasoned with herself so it was settled.

Time for a change she said. We'll try this one no guarantees. That was good enough for him.

The quiet of the once joyful room brought her some consolation. There were years until she went back because when she looked around the white walls were bleeding and she needed to get out.

She went home to him. She had dreams of no face of dark of walls she had built up choking dying. She had to stop that. It could not continue. She needed her walls for they were her consolation her pleasant space. She must leave but can't. So in her dark room she hides herself.

Memories get too painful too involved when emotions make them distorted and things start happening that already happened that aren't true. She wonders what really happened was she ever a virgin since she was very small. Maybe she should have waited a while. Maybe she should have reconciled. Maybe she needs to go and to empty her head of painful recollections.

But instead they are forgotten and all her problems cease to exist. She will stay. The orange sky the red sky the blue sky no longer crowd her when his body is there over hers.

He knew himself until the fire when everything disappeared. There was nothing left. They told him that there was nothing.

It was his fault even though they said it wasn't. They didn't know about him letting his brother steal his cigarettes. Maybe he had even offered them. It was hard to think now and so he made things up made up how it would have been if he was home that night. If he was home he was home.

Maybe he should have gone back but he didn't. He went away. He took her with him away with him and made her happy. He stopped all the bad things and all the good was made better. This was because of the love that they shared. They were always honest even if it meant fighting because in the end it wouldn't change until things were better.

He had a spiritual freedom that brought him rest peace security. The strong white walls were stone he thought. They made him welcome into himself Jesus who was crucified who offered him the wine that his shaking hands accepted. The bread that over teeth over tongue made him calm.

Smouldering outside the Earth General Store still smoking he watches them. His shaking hands touch his face in her absence. His shaking hands that ache against hot asphalt and hot cigarettes.