2often, simply because there's really nothing else to do around here. My friend Ava used to
live in a place like this, and she says she used to take rotten apples and throw them at trees
to see the different patterns they made, because she had nothing else to do.
Hi, I'm Sera.
Actually, that isn't my real name at all. But since this is going to be about
my life, and the things that go on in it, I figured I don't want a psycho piecing together
facts and then following me around.
Yeah, that's one of my secrets...I appear to be laid back, but I'm really paranoid. It's my
mother's fault. I got the paranoid gene from her. Fortunately, she gave me the smaller half.
Let's see...I guess I'd better tell you about myself.
I've got strawberry blonde, thick curly hair, which I rather like. My eyes sometimes look
green, or blue, or gray. I'm short... I'm not fat, but not skinny...I basicly have an
hourglass figure. I wear...usually whatever I feel like wearing, but more than half of my
closet is black clothes, and I usually feel a need to wear atleast a little black, because
it's my favourite color. I'm a christian. I love music, all kinds, except for rap, which I
cannot stand.
About 3 months ago, I moved to a different state. To a small town. I like it here...
my house is nicer. As long as I've got the computer and a telephone, I don't care. Except
for the fact that I miss my friends back home, but I'll see them again SOMEDAY, I'm sure.
I live for going to church, and probably will, until school starts, which is only a couple of
days away. Why? Because the people are nice, it gives me something to do, and because Adam
is there.
Ah yes, Adam. The object of my outward annoyance, inward desire. No, not desire...that
sounds too...obsessive. But I like him. Sort of. Unfortunately, he's about 4 years
older then me. It may not seem like alot to you, but it really depends on what the two ages
are that the difference lies between. Also, he has a girlfriend. She's nice. Despite her,
though, he plays around with me alot. He's called me sweet cheeks, begged me to come onstage
in church to sing with him, stared at me when he thought I wasn't looking...I'm beginning
to think I'm alot more attractive than I thought. Or that he's just bored...or that he's
just a huge flirt by nature and it has nothing to do with me.
Our relationship was one sided at first.
I was tired of guys screwing me over (in friendly relationships or not- but more about that
later), and he was just...really playful and friendly. I still don't completely trust him,
but then again, it's only been about a month and 1/2. My friend from home (Belle) says
that she doesn't like him even though she doesn't even know him. She said to tell him the
ghetto puertoricans are coming for him.
She is utterly fantastic.
No one is online right now except for Jared (my friend Cady's friend, who I met once at
a Bat Mitzvah, and then talked to later on the phone for 4 hours), who is away, most likely
because he is watching, 'Meet The Fockers'. I know he watches it continuously (no matter
how much he may deny it), but I don't quite understand what is so stimulating to him
about it. I saw it once, and to me, it wasn't that wonderful. But people are different. This
I have re-discovered many times in my short life.
Other things I have discovered: Online/ Phone relationships with jerks don't work, especially
if you only see the person once in real life during them. I suppose you'd wonder how I know...
Well, his name was...Pierre(who knows why I'm choosing to call him this, but whatever).
It actually starts out pretty cute. Belle and Pierre used to go out. Then, they broke up.
EONS later, Belle starting liking him again. One day, we three-wayed him. He was cool. He
acted and talked ALOT like Belle, so I automatically wanted to be friends with him. I started
talking online with him. He started flirting...ALOT...and I started flirting back. It was
harmless, and it was fun. I started to like him. One day, he told me he was in love with me.
I, of course, being me, didn't believe him. He'd played tricks like this before on me and then
he'd laugh about it later with Belle. But then he acted all mad. I had to go to a singing
lesson and I told him I'd call him when I got home. He said, 'Don't bother.' But I did
anyway. When he answered, I demanded to know if it was true, what he'd said. He kept
evading the subject. Finally, I got an answer out of him. Sort of. He said he'd answer me
if I told him whether I was in love with him as well or not.
I told him yes.
He told me yes.
Two days later, he asked me out.
It was lovely at first. I even saw him once when I went to Belle's house, since he lived
right down the street. Belle took pictures of us and called us a cute couple. He called
me a pretty fishy (don't ask).
But after that, things started going downhill. He was always busy...we would never
really talk anymore. I started to feel like it was all my fault, like I had done something...
it did horrid things to my self esteem. So I broke up with him. And he broke my heart with
the thing he said afterwards.
"Okay."
You would never think that one word would do so much damage. But I atleast hoped he would be
the littlest bit remorseful. Maybe he was, but he didn't show any feeling...something he's
very good at. Something I hate about him.
Then we hung up.
Belle convinced me that this was the best thing I could've done. That we would've broken up
anyway since I was moving. So I believed her. It was better than feeling sorry for myself
because some stupid guy didn't want me anymore. Soon, I felt great. It felt good to say,
'I'm single!'
I could flirt, I could stare, without feeling guilty.
Then, some time later while staying at Cady's house, I started thinking about him alot. I
could only remember the nice parts of the small time we shared I found an
online journal entry of his from a few days before. It said things about making
a mistake...it was my natural inclination to think he was talking about
letting me break up with him without fighting it. Did it occur to me that he knew I would
see the journal entry and call him up, telling him that I'd missed him?
He knew me too well. He knew how to mess with me. But apparently he didn't know how far to
go before stopping, because a couple of weeks ago I couldn't handle it anymore and told him
so. I couldn't handle his stupid mind games, how he evaded the important stuff when I was
being serious with him. I could stand him anymore. So I told him we couldn't talk anymore,
and since then he's been out of my life. Belle says she's gonna kick his ass (sorry,
but that's what she said), and Cady says I told you so. I love my friends.
So that's what happened with him. I can't help wondering...he's smarter than I thought he was,
and are all guys like this? Belle says it's only him, that he's screwed up. And he is.
What's going on in my life now? Church is tonight. I'm wearing khaki boy shorts and a shirt
I got yesterday at a Christian book store. My shoes will be converses, and I don't wear socks.
I hope Adam will be there.
My cat is dying. It's laying out on the lawn on a towel, because it loves to be outside, and we
think thats where it would prefer to die. I've learned to deal with animals dying...personally,
I think they go to heaven too, because any place wouldn't be near perfect without animals.
I'm wondering why my friend Anna hasn't answered my letter to her, but I guess she's a pretty
busy person.
Thank you for listening to me babble about my not very interesting life. Next chapter will
be soon, I promise.
Love,
Sera