Ch-7 Realization

I scrambled up from beneath the oak and ran toward the house. So much had happened in my life over the last year. I hadn't seen my mom in over a year. The dreams of her stopped coming, and every time I smelled a rose, I couldn't picture her face in my mind. It was sad, knowing my moments of school and family life were cut short by a damn freak accident. She was just another forgotten memory in my heart...

I snapped back into reality.

The rain began falling again, soaking me to the bone. I threw the gun behind a bush as I turned toward the house. It would be no trouble hidden and there was no chance I'd need it tonight: there was no chance in hell I'd go. They'd probably blame it on a guard's carelessness. I didn't want to risk everything... all the "privileges" I had gained. Everything was quiet when I walked into my room and the camera was turned off, for I had proved too submissive to constantly be watched. I dripped with rain when I picked up a towel out of a cabinet to dry myself off. I changed clothes and threw myself onto my bed, rumpling the perfectly folded sheets. I still held onto the rose. I threw it angrily against the wall and fell back with a thump.

I closed my tired eyes and thought of all the things that had happened. Lying on my back, I stared solemnly at the blank ceiling. Jace had told me that Naeomi was murdered; she had outlived her "purpose". She was only a little girl, so young and fragile... what kind of purpose would she have? Was she saved for a reason?

And recently, Nurse Gene had disappeared. She had become very violent and angry, so much as to strike one of the nurses who came to bring me dinner. The nurse bumped into Gene during a visit and was thrown into a wall, breaking her arm.

Also... My latest hit was an old man, a drug dealer, who begged for mercy as he claimed he sold cocaine to support his family and terminally sick granddaughter. I shot him in the chest anyway, with his horrified family watching the whole time. The little girl said not a word but just watched me and let a single tear fall from her eye.

I put my hands to my face and gave a stifled sob. What had happened to me? I can now kill on a whim and not care at all! I felt good after killing that old man. And the only main "privilege" I had gained was being able to use the restroom and not have someone outside waiting for me! I had changed so much, with my morality being twisted around someone's finger. I had been forced into doing the dirty work for the "Staff". And what were they? Sick, twisted people who enjoy toying with people's lives?!

I rolled over and pushed my face into a pillow, letting the burning tears seep from my eyes. What have I become? Was Jace right? Was I a pawn for these people? The only way to know was to meet him at that bridge tonight. I just hoped the gun wasn't already ruined.