2nd hour and 1.222222295955858 seconds

So, I've decided that staying overnight in a castle made of beets means I've conquered my fear of them! (Probably) Although I don't want to start having them for tea or anything. Anyway, I digress. Or whatev.

This quest is still the dumbest, dumbest thing I I've ever done, or rather been forced to do. But seriously, why does any of this stuff matter. It's like school…only more dangerous—and without all those weird old people, who some like to call teachers.

Princie keeps telling me to stop complaining, but I just ignore his WAAAY to happy advice. Advice is supposed to be heeded from sages, not little Princes high on laughing gas. That's just called: Stupid. Like math. I never liked math. Numbers are just so blaaaah. You can't spell them, can't decorate them, so really, what's the point of having them at all?

2nd hour and 2 minutes

Oh, well, I got so distracted by my intense hatred of math that I forgot what I was going to say. Well…drum roll pleeease (a rather loud one too, this is very important) Princie and I have located the "dragons." Yes! (Well, this is all according to him, a la insane psycho freak, and therefore might also be considered an insane psycho freak plan thing) That doesn't matter though, since I've decided to play along with Princie's little ideas from now on. I think it will make life muchos less stressful. He is uberly annoying.

So, yes, he "saw" smoke, which looked orange to him, and that is now the direction in which we are traversing this veeeeeeeeeeeeeery rocky ledge. It reminds me of this movie we had to watch once, in Basic, where there was a ledge, and someone fell off, and they didn't edit out the death scene, and the guts were actually like a fountain in the air. I DO NOT want those to be my guts fountaining. I like my innards, thanks much.

Anyway, again, I digress. We're traveling to the so-called dragon lair…and it should be lovely. I've always wanted to be burned alive by a hot, steaming volcano of agonizing magma. I'm sure that's what I wrote when they asked us in Pre-Basic- "Yo, how do you want to die?" That was on the first day. They reserve, "How would you like to be horribly maimed?" for day two.

3rd hour and 32 minutes

I'm sooooooooooo starving! Starving, starving, starving! There should be a song, or a parade, or something dedicated to my starvation. I'm sure it would be a big hit. It could be—Mandy's Murder by Malnourishment. Now, that would be an uplifting tune. Or, it could be called simply—the Empty Stomach. Sometimes simple is best. Now, it depends on the "simple," I guess. I know Lilith is simple—and she certainly isn't best. But there's no song written about her.

That song might rip someone's ears out.

4th hour and 5 minutes and 21 seconds

I'm not sure if I've ever told you this, but writing while walking is very difficult. It involves a high skill level of balancing pen, and being able to sense when you are about to bump into a very fierce ogre in the middle of the road.

I do not have a high skill level. Princie seems to be very upset, but hey, how much worse is an ogre than a dragon? Although an ogre did once make the "Top Twenty Most Disgusting Creatures to Ever Walk the World" list in Magical Geographer, and it had eaten things that it picked from its cavernous nostrils. Okay, so it needs to wash its hands. But ogres don't breath flames.

And it speaks some kind of understandable language. I think it may be offering us food! Finally, some kind hearted soul who understands my poor stomach's plight.

4th hour and 6 minutes

And those may be the last of my poor little life. It's not giving us food….it's taking us AS food! I knew those beets would be trouble, one way or another.

Too bad I didn't bring along my "How to Avoid People Eating Ogres."

Send it to a McPeople's perhaps?