Evolution

I wasn't always this quiet.

I used to joke around.

I used to make people laugh and smile.

People called me stupid.

People say I was a goof.

I was a goof.

I thought I had enemies.

I thought I had friends.

Until the day I was betrayed.

It was one normal day.

There was a teacher we all hated.

I was a fool.

I made the mistake of conditional respect.

This teacher didn't have my respect.

I was about to do something wrong.

Everyone giggled and smiled at what I was about to do.

Those that did not speak thought differently.

I should have been one of those.

Before I could do what I said I would,

The security guards entered the room.

As I was being scolded by the principle and the police,

I couldn't think of anything but the thought of who betrayed me.

I was told I was betrayed by many.

This hurt ten times more than what I could imagine.

Deep down inside I was a good person.

The people that laughed and smiled just didn't care.

I was just a goof to them.

I was about to get kicked out of school.

I pleaded for my life.

I cried for a second chance.

I had to change radically.

The next year I arrived at school a different person.

I sat down quietly in my chair and I hadn't said a word.

I did some homework… sometimes.

I respected others… all the time.

Still, I did not speak unless spoken to.

Those that did speak to me became my friends.

Those that ignored me, I just didn't care.

I still had enemies but much less.

It was high school after all.

This lasted four long years.

The last year was a blast.

The complete sum of all my past friends,

Were united in the same room.

I had some true friends and no more enemies.

People called me smart.

People called me sweet and nice.

I was in heaven, yet sometimes I could not speak.

I was dying on the inside.

I wanted to say things.

Good things.

Beautiful things.

The words could not come out.

I had lost something.

My mind had created a barrier.

I depended on a skill I had forgotten…

No, that I had buried away forever.

I wanted it back.

I had friends now, real ones.

I wanted to say things but I was afraid.

I wanted to tell her I loved her.

I could have been saved.

But I was afraid.

I didn't want to lose what little I had.

Perhaps I could have been saved.

Perhaps she could have loved me back,

Even if she already had a boyfriend.

I loved her too much to tell her.

I respected her too much to interfere.

I told her with my eyes I told her with my smile.

I told her with my skin when we touched.

She was my friend and I was hers…

Yet I could not speak unless spoken to.

High school was over.

I had died, and I was alone.

Now I'm not in heaven anymore.

I have but a few friends left from those days.

And I am practically unable to make new ones.

Everything has changed but my regret,

And my love for her.

I am forever changed.

There is no other cure.

I have failed to save myself because of fear.

My fate was sealed…

Now I am dead.