What to do, what to do?

How can I say what's inside me?

The fear, the pain, the anger, the loneliness, the guilt, the discussed, the need to be alone.

When I'm so afraid of what you will say, do, think, feel.

I wanted to be the strong one when you are struggling,

And I feel ashamed that I can't seem to be.

Memories won't leave me alone,

When I close my eyes.

Tears seem to be behind my eyes every time I blink.

But I don't show it because I want to be happy,

Want to be strong,

Want to be my best to go threw life normally,

Want to do what is rite.

But because I want to hurt my self, think of death often… almost every night.

I feel like I'm failing you and myself.

I don't like people to crowed around me asking what's wrong….

So I give a quick smile and tell them I'm just tired, and when I turn away my smile leaves.

But it's true because I'm tired of this feeling, and of this life.

I want to sleep, sleep and never wake up, because the only time I'm not feeling this is when my eyes are closed.

So how can I tell you that I never smiled a "True" smile once for a year and a half?

I feel trapped because we don't talk about the past…

So I can't let my feelings out.

Because every time I bring it up, every one goes tense, and quite.

I feel trapped in my heart, crying quietly inside.

How do I say this all to you when I don't want to be a let down?

How do I tell you I'm afraid?

Afraid of depression.