January 27, 1942

My siblings spoil me. Hannah returned home from the store laden down with gifts! Then Sophie returned home from school, her pockets full to bursting with sweets she'd nicked from the Hitlerjugend boys(I was not able to accompany her to school as I have a slight head cold). So now I sit in my bed chewing through a pile of candy with Sophie and writing my very first entry in the journal Hannah got for me. She says now that I am fifteen it is time for me to record my thoughts. I would write more, but Mama calls for Sophie and I to turn out the light.

January 29, 1942

Sophie seems to have caught my cold. At first, Mama told her she had eaten too much candy but near lunch time her nose began to run. She says her head aches too. Whenever one of us girls gets ill Daddy goes out a buys a bit of ice cream for us to split. But ever since Hitler's anti-Jewish laws Daddy does not like to go out much, especially in the afternoons. And as Jews are only allowed to buy ice cream between 3 and 5 P.M., Sophie did not get any ice cream. I tried to fix her a bit of tea, but I put so much sugar in it she choked and yelled at me to leave.

January 30, 1942

I do not seem to have much luck this week. At least half a foot of snow fell while we slept, yet I had to go to the Jewish store to pick up a few things for Mama and Sophie. For several months now we have had to go a store meant only for Jews. I am no longer allowed to go to the regular store and meet any of my old friends.

Anyways, today on the way to the store a pair of young officers passed me and my little brother, Daniel, who had tagged along. The officer's eyes flickered up at my coat where the Star of David lay stitched on. He then saw that Daniel was holding my hand and sneered:

"Are you a Jew, little boy?" I knew nothing good could come of a meeting like this so I attempted to intervene. But the men scared me so much and I could not find my voice. The officer addressed my brother again. "Are you a Jew, little boy?" Daniel merely looked at him. The officer snorted and kicked a pile of snow in Daniel's face!

February 1, 1942

In all that has happened I have neglected putting down anything about me. My name is Reina Kapral and I turned fifteen last November. I live with my parents and siblings: Hannah, Sophie, and Daniel. Hannah is nineteen and a beauty with her dark hair and eyes. Next is me. What am I? The peacekeeper, I suppose(not that we need one too often). Then there is Sophie and she is ten. She and I both have light hair though it is unclear where we got it from(my Aunt Reina-who I am named for-always used to joke that Sophie and I were the milkman's baby, but Mama did not find that amusing).

Last is precious Daniel. Mama and Daddy only planned on having three children so Daniel was a special surprise. He is very shy and usually has me talk for him. It's funny, when Daniel was born I thought having a brother would be awful since Aunt Anne's three boys, Hiram, Nathaniel, and Aaron are all rough and loud. Daniel is quite the opposite.

But I am being unfair by writing mostly about Daniel. I love Hannah and Sophie very much too. Hannah is intelligent and Sophie is brave. Even the Germans do not scare her. Enough for today, I am getting a cramp in my hand.

February 2, 1942

More ill news on the radio. Thousands of Latvian Jews were killed a few days ago. I would write more, but details are limited. I will go take a nap. Talk of war and killing makes my head hurt.

February 3, 1942

Daddy decided Sophie and I should not go outside anymore. It is too dangerous. Sometimes the officers take children off the street and ship them off to die. Though I will dislike being stuck indoors it is worth it to keep my family safe.

Last night one of those Hitlerjugend boys threw a brick at the window to the room Sophie and I share. Several panes shattered so my sisters and I spent the morning picking up all the glass shards we could find. I fear the wind that gets in now will not be good for Sophie's cold. We will sleep close tonight to stay warm.

February 4, 1942

I am already beginning to miss the outdoors. I have missed them for a long time. Hitler made all Jews give up their bicycles. The girls and I used to take our dog, Felix, out on walks and bring along the bike. We'd take turns riding the bicycle while the other two ran behind with Felix. Felix was my friend even when all the girls at my old school left me. It became unsafe for Jews to keep pets though. I did not want Felix to meet the sad end many dogs and cats met once.

A while ago, pets of Jews were rounded up and slaughtered in the Jewish synagogue. Their blood made the place of worship unclean. Then they skinned all the dead animals and made coats out of them. Daddy said it would be best to put Felix in a safer place. He went to America on a boat of people leaving Europe before things got worse. Daddy had wanted to go on the boat too, but Daniel was very tiny at the time and it did not seem like a good idea to take him onto a ship.

February 5, 1942

Daddy is angry with me. Daniel cried this afternoon when Mama would not let him go out to play with a bird that had wandered onto our porch. I opened the curtains and set him in the window so he could watch the bird hop around. It made him happy, but when Daddy saw us he was furious. He made me shut the curtains right away, saying it was unsafe for them to be open.

"But Daddy, it was only for a moment. Daniel wanted to see the bird." I told him. Daniel nodded in agreement with me. Daddy sighed and his face softened.

"Reina...Daniel...I know you two miss being outside. But we cannot let the officers know we are here or they will ship us away."

But to where? I know Jews are taken off the streets, but where are they sent? Hannah says she knows some are sent to work camps, but surely that cannot be so bad. But if it is not so bad, then why do those Jews never return? What happens to them at those camps?

February 8, 1942

I write this just at daybreak. The rest of the house is still asleep. All of the snow from last week has melted, but now rain is coming down in cold sheets. I asked Mama last night what happens to the Jews who are sent to work camps. She claimed she did not know, but I think she does. I think she is afraid to talk about it. So I decided to ask Hannah. She's smart and honest. She says she does not know for sure, but bad things happen there. I asked her how bad things were and she sent me off to bed. I'm sick of Mama and Hannah treating me as if I were still a little girl. They used to always talk to me. The war has changed everything, and I hate it! Why did Hitler have to get into power? Why did he have to ruin everything for us Jews? It isn't fair. Maybe G-d is mad at us. Why else would He be letting this happen?

February 9, 1942

Sophie fears G-d is mad at us too. We said an extra prayer before we went to bed last night. I helped Sophie stitch the Star of David onto her coats, jumpers, and blouses today. Now that she is ten she is required to wear it. I now fear for her safety. Before nobody suspected that Sophie and I were Jewish because of our blonde hair. But now that she has to wear the star it is obvious. Why does Hitler hate Jews so much? I wonder why he wants to ruin our lives.

February 12, 1942

I am afraid. Sophie could not sleep last night because her head aches, and I could not sleep because of her constant sniffling. A little after midnight Daniel came into our room and said the noises scared him. I sat up and pulled him into my lap.

"What noises scare you?" I asked him. That's when we heard them. There were dozens of shots fired and countless cries. Daddy is going over there later to see if anyone we know was harmed.

Later that day

The boys are dead! Oh, why G-d?! Hiram was hardly five! My three little cousins and Aunt Anne are gone! They were all shot by the Germans last night. Daddy found Hiram and Nathaniel's bodies. They were holding hands and had been stripped of anything valuable. Mama cries for Anne as they were sisters. I must keep Sophie and Hannah close. No German is taking my sisters!

I must go say Kaddish for the boys and Aunt Anne, and then we will bury the boys. Hiram and Nathaniel hated to ever be parted so we will let them sleep together. I am beginning to cry and dear Sophie is already in tears. I must go be with her.

February 15, 1942

Daddy says he thinks he now knows why the boys and Aunt Anne were shot. The Gestapo cleared out the apartment in which they lived. They were to be deported to the ghetto in Lodz. Daddy says Aunt Anne probably cried and held her boys back from the officers. As a result, they were all shot. Aunt Anne and the boys lived only a few blocks away. I fear we will be next.

February 19, 1942

Today would have been Nathaniel's eighth birthday. Hannah, Sophie, and I spent most of the day together. We wanted to be out of Mama's way for she still cries. Hannah held Sophie and I close and we cried too. Though we do not admit it, we are all afraid of losing one another.

February 20, 1942

Another sleepless night. Daddy brought out the radio. I did not understand the German that the radio is broadcast in. Daddy would not translate for the girls and I. The German sounds so harsh. It hurts my ears. After about an hour Daddy shut the radio off and merely went up to bed in silence. I think war talk tires him.

Naturally, Sophie and I were curious as to what was said on the radio, so we stayed up most of the night whispering theories to one another. Around two, Hannah poked her head in to tell us to be quiet, but instead she ended up climbing into bed with us. Sophie sat up and pulled her knees to her chest.

"Do you know what they said, Hannah?" she asked. Hannah seems to know most everything. She was studying to be a nurse before they kicked her out of school because she was Jewish.

"I understood a bit," Hannah told us, "but not all of it."

"What did you understand?" I piped in. Hannah sighed and looked out our dark, shattered window for a moment.

"They say bad things about us. Jews, I mean. They call us dirty and other names. Ones that are much worse."

"They don't just call us names though," Sophie said after a moment of silence. "Right before they made us go to a Jewish school, girls I had once been friends with would spit in my hair because I was Jewish." Her voice faltered as she choked on a few tears. Hannah laid a hand on Sophie's knee.

"You are not dirty, Sophia Lise Kapral. Don't you let anyone tell you that! And you too, Reina. You are both very pretty girls and it isn't fair that anyone should make you think otherwise because of your faith. You keep that faith. G-d will see us through this." I don't know what I would do without Hannie.

February 23, 1942

Daddy had to quit his job today. His partner at the law firm he runs was sent off to the ghettos with his wife last night. Daddy said there is no point in trying to run the firm by himself so he closed it today. Money will be tight now.

February 25, 1942

It is just as I feared. The letter arrived today. Daddy came into the kitchen looking very glum during breakfast. Seeing his face made Mama rush over to him in concern.

"Isaiah, what's wrong?" Daddy dropped an envelope onto the table which was sealed with the Swastika sign. Hannah gasped and Mama let out a little cry. She immediately swooped down on Sophie, Daniel and I.

"Come, you three. Let's get you upstairs."

"No! Let them stay. This affects them too," Daddy interjected. Sophie looked over at me, and I could see she was confused. Perhaps she did not recognize the Swastika sign, but that seems unlikely. It seems to be everywhere since Hitler and the Nazis took Poland.

After a moment of all of us staring silently at Daddy, he reached forward to pick up the envelope. His hands shook as he touched it. It seemed he did not want to open it. He did not want to see the words printed on that letter. Hannah grew impatient, took it from his grasp, and slid her finger under the seal. The envelope opened and my sister slowly extracted a neatly folded letter from it. All of us(excluding Daniel as he cannot yet read) leaned toward her and read. It stated we are to report to the train station on February the 26th to be relocated. We are to be there by six in the morning sharp, packed and ready to go. Anyone who does not willingly comply will be severely punished.

My family and I spent the afternoon packing. I helped Daniel pack his bag. Once his spare sets of clothing and coat were packed, he insisted we bring along his wooden blocks. I told him it would be a waste of space, and he replied,

"But I need them to play with until we come back home!" I took pity on him and allowed him to pack his blocks. He does not yet know we are not coming back. I need sleep for we must rise early tomorrow. I will write later.

February 26, 1942, 5 A.M.

Daddy had all of us get up around four. We ate a quick breakfast in silence, strapped our bags to our backs and were off. Daddy wanted to get here early so the Germans would have no reason to harm us. I already miss our home.

February 26, 7 A.M.

The train arrived late and now the Germans are cursing at the conductor. They will load us on soon. The compartments we are to travel in look horribly small. I must hold Daniel's hand so I do not lose him when we are loaded on.

February 26, late night

How can I describe that awful train ride in words? Not only was the boxcar incredibly small, there were no seats! The Gestapo shoved everyone in violently and packed the car so tightly, I was sure the floor would give out. Sophie is little for her age and she had trouble stepping up into the boxcar. One officer grew impatient with her and kicked her in the back to boost her up. Her head collided with the open door and when she ran her fingers over the spot they came back bloody. The officer laughed and raised his boot to kick her again. However, a boy already on the train pulled her into the car before the officer's boot could go into her stomach again. I was shoved in after Sophie and the boy, and then sandwiched between them so tightly I could feel both their hearts beating. Sophie wriggled her way into my arms and her hot tears ran down my neck. There is also a spot of blood on my blouse from where her head lay.

The ride lasted hours. Daniel cried along with several other small children, and Mama could do nothing to console him. Sophie grew heavy in my lap so the boy who had helped her allowed me to lean against her legs. He really was very kind, and I meant to ask his name. I never got the chance too though. I was simply too tired to speak at all.

By early afternoon the boxcar was beginning to smell. The train never stopped and the doors were locked anyways. Several children had to pee where they stood and in such tight conditions, the stench was soon overpowering. Though the bleeding had stopped, Sophie's head was still tender, and she cried out whenever a bump or jolt shook the car. I saw Mama's eyes watering with tears because she could not reach Sophie to comfort her. I rubbed my sister's back and hummed to her a hymn we had learned when we were small. My touch seemed to ease her fear and by the time the train began to slow down she had stopped trembling.

Once the train had stopped completely several people made toward the doors. However, they did not open. We were forced to sit in still silence. The only sound during the long hours we sat there was when a woman cried out "Adonai, my God, why have you forsaken me?". With these words she began pounding her fists on the doors and screaming things I'd rather not repeat. It took several men to regain control of her. They had to pin her to the floor with their hands until she stopped screaming.

When the doors were finally slid open I had to shut my eyes. Though it was night outside, the lamps lining the entrance to the ghetto were bright compared to the boxcar. The car had been pitch black except for one dim lantern swinging from the ceiling. The Nazis hurried us off and into the cold rain. Sophie swayed because of the bump on her head. As I reached out to grab her I saw a Nazi officer dragging a woman off the train by her arms. As he passed up, I saw the woman's face. She was pale and the expression on her face was of one of violent fury. I recognized her as the lady who had had that fit. She did not blink as she was dragged, and I heard someone near me say:

"She's dead. Went into such a flurry she managed to kill herself."

"How did she manage that?" another man asked.

"Sounds like her heart gave out." I heard no more for at that moment Hannah swooped down on Sophie and I with a shower of kisses.

"Mama! They're here! I found them!" she cried and soon Mama and Daddy (with Daniel on Mama's hip) came rushing over. Daddy says he has arranged for us to be allowed to live in a small apartment. We move in soon, once the Nazis have checked our identification cards. I must put you away for now, journal, but I will write again soon.

February 27, 1942

I write this in my new home-if it can be called a home. Mama and Daddy were able to get us a three room apartment. Sophie and I sleep in the same room as Hannah. There was only one bed in the apartment and that is for Mama, Daddy, and Daniel. The girls and I sleep on a large cot in the next room. Sophie was fretful last night, several times I woke to the sound of her whimpering because of nightmares.

There is no running water in our apartment. But other than that I suppose it is not so bad. The lights in our unit work and Mama brought cups for all of us. I still have my family and my faith. I will not lose hope.