DISCLAIMER: I retain absolutely NO legal rights to either 'The Piano Man' by Billy Joel, OR the Harry Potter Series.

I just happen to be a big fan of both.

Flashback to five or six years ago:

The cupboard under the stairs.

Poor Harry Potter is miserable…

But quite frankly, nobody cares.

Until one day this half-giant dude showed up

And took little Harry away,

To where Fangirls are all needing rabies shots

(And Fanboys look just slightly gay.)

La la la, de de da…

La la, de de da da da…

Save us again, Mr Potter Man;

Please save us again tonight.

Cuz Voldemort's in the mood for a killing spree,

And you're the only one that he'll fight.

Now Hermione—the muggle-born—is a friend of his,

Who's loyal and true to the end.

And she's quick with a spell, but she'll make your life hell

If you try to mess with her friends.

She's the target of so many Shipper-Fics,

With Harry and Ron and all that.

But the DM/HR shippers are lunatics;

Because, really…she's smarter than that.

Oh, la la la, de de da…

La la, de de da da da…

Now Draco the Narc-boy is a Slytherin,

Who never will look past your race.

And he's yellin' at Hermy, but then he gets squirmy

When she slaps him right 'cross the face.

And Scabbers is practicing morphing tricks,

As Lupin looks more and more stoned.

He's plannin' to kill Pettigrew with Sirius,

But it's better than killing alone.

Save us again, Mr Potter Man;

Please save us again tonight.

The Death Eaters are all on a killing spree,

And we're afraid of that flashing green light.

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday

At the theatre on 5th street and Grant.

But we know it's Harry that they've come in to see;

Forget about superheroes and RENT.

And the 18th, it sounds like it's coming now;

And the newest film smells like it's near.

And the fans sit out in line for twelve hours at a time,

To be the first ones to see it when it's here.

Oh, la la la, de de da

La la, de de da da da.

You've saved us again, Mr Potter Man;

You've saved the literate world tonight.

Television was close to brainwashing me,

But we think that you've done all right.

I APOLOGIZE FOR THE REFERENCE TO RENT! I'm actually really looking forward to RENT...but I couldn't find any other movie that comes out in November, so...

Apologies to all other RENT-heads out there.