I was always the timid, fearful and weak one, scared of spiders, of death, of everything- and I knew it. How I had managed to give a bold and leading impression to my younger siblings for all these years-I didn't know. I had acted so well, that they actually thought of me as brave, bold and well, leading. Yet everyday, I lived like this, my true self hidden deep within my brave and rash mask- and no one knew of the real me, except for two people, who I had always depended on.
They had always been there for me, and as lame and childish this is, having parents help a fourteen year old through everything, they gave me the support I need to get through each and everyday. I had to admit; their influence wasn't that great- yet it was enough to keep me from breaking down. Sometimes, I did gain some confidence and courage, but it was never enough to actually become the me other people knew so well. Yet as long as I had them near me, I knew my life wouldn't break down, 'cause they would always be there to hold me up.
Every holiday, such as birthdays or Christmas- especially their anniversary, I would make unique gifts for them. Last year, I had made them a pair of bears, each labelled mom and dad. This year, for their anniversary, I had planned to make them a checker-pattern quilt that had a different picture of them together. In order for this to happen, I had started to take snapshots of them when they weren't looking.
Everything was going perfectly as planned and I probably would've finished the quilt five days before their anniversary, but- things didn't exactly go as planned.
That night- The Night they said that horrendous word, I might've broken down in a shards. I was told before that everyone had their time. That night, my time had come.
I had crept down those starts, half past midnight, hoping to take more pictures of them. They, of course didn't know my devious plan and thought that I was fast asleep. I quietly sneaked downstairs, firmly holding my camera with me. As I got close to the end of our winding staircase, did their muffled voices become clearer.
"John, you have got to stop this nonsense!"
"Nonsense?! You're the one who is being ridiculous!"
Their voices were rising and I wanted to run back upstairs and think this had all been a nightmare, but my feet wouldn't move. It was stuck to the ground- frozen in the spot.
"Me ridiculous? Honestly all I have ever done these past years are take care of our children!"
"Big deal! I have to earn money with that old fool in our electric company!"
"So you think that's more important! Well, maybe you should try to take care of our kids, you retarded old man!"
I gasped at the sound of that. Mom had never talked that way before.
"Oh, so you think you're the hard working one, you ugly bitch!"
I gasped with terror. My parents had always loved each other dearly.
"What did you just call me, you freaking bastard!"
I was frozen in horror! My parents never had such a hot argument before.
Then he saw me. What I once knew as my caring daddy had seen me.
"Maddy dear! Maddy! What did you see? Your mom and I love each other!" I heard him exclaim exasperated. I didn't listen or wait. I just ran to my room and slammed the door behind me. Sobbing harder than ever, tears hot as steam came running off of my cheeks like a tap. It was as if the handle had broken and the water running off of out of my control. They had lied to me all along, about how much they loved each other.
Scorching tears continued to stream out of my tiresome eyes. I braced myself against the door to hear those muffled words. Daringly, I pressed my ear against my cold wooden door.
"We are getting divorced!"
I heard The Word crystal clear. My world was over.
I didn't know what to do. They were my supports. What do you do when your supports fall. I couldn't tell anyone either. My siblings were too young. My parents are the problem. I had no close friends.
So my only conclusion was to sulk. My depression grew and grew. It had sucked me away completely. A dark void I must carry throughout the rest of my life- a burden. The quilt I had started making had been torn into shreds by me and thrown into a corner. I locked myself in my room, never wanted to meet the cold truth about my world.
My time had come, I knew. Yet what could I possibly do. Finally, I made up my mind, I was going to run away. Run away, and never come back. For this was what my so-called "parents" deserved. They had put me through this, and did they actually think I'd make it through, setting me up and convincing me to believe that there was such thing as love. If they thought I'd make it through, then I must say, these two human beings can not consider themselves related to me in any way, for I despised them in every way I could think of.