We're Definitely not in Kansas Anymore


"Dude, you will not believe the size of her…" Nick was cut off by a wack on the head from his girlfriend.

"Sorry, honey," He apologized weakly. "Uh, slip of the tongue?" She smiled and kissed him. I turned my back disgustedly as they began their routine 'who-can-knock-whos-tonsils-off-first' competition.

My name is James Anthony Pikketon-Smythe. And yes, I know it's a long name. I am the captian of the football team here at Franchwels Academy, the high-school I attend with my friends. And that position makes me overlord of the school, emporor of the learning place, king of the… well, you get the idea. Anyway, everybody revers and worships me, along with my current girlfriend Cherri. Why is it that all cheerleaders have names ending with 'i' instead of 'y'? It makes me want to grab a magic marker and correct their name-tags one by one. But I digress. I am the school's most elegible bachelor, resident bad-boy, and everyone wants me.

Ah yes, life's good. However, as I strained to look away from my best friends tongue which was currently occupying most of the space in Kerri's (His girlfriend—see, there's the 'i' again) throat, my eyes fell upon a girl who had just entered the classroom. She was, in a word, hot. She couldn't be taller than five feet, quite possibly less. Her long black hair was pulled back into an intricate french-braid, and she was wearing low slung jeans and a tight tee-shirt with the British flag on it in sequins. She was looking around her, a small smile on her lips. Her eyes were a beautiful emerald green, and they were sparkling with amusement.

"Well, Toto," She said softly to herself, and a caught a soft British accent, "We're cartainly not in Kansas any more." Despite myself, I felt my lips curvind upward into a smile. She bounced (yes, bounced) over to the teacher's desk, and wainted there, still looking around. Her eyes caught mine, and I gave her my trademark irrisistabe smile. She arched one eyebrow at me. Just then the teacher entered, and Nick pulled his tongue out of Kerri's windpipe. This meant that the class also noticed the girl for the first time.

The pants of the male population of the class got considerably tighter, if you know what I mean.

"Ah." Mrs. Lasor grunted. "This is…" she consulted a sheet of paper and then looked back up, "Nerina Maeve. She moved here from England a few days ago. If all of you would please try to be accomodating to her? And not in that way, Mr. Leonard," She said to the guy in the front row who was leering at Nerina. "Alright, Ms. Maeve, if you would please step up and say a few words about yourself?" The girl smiled and moved forward. She bit her lip and then gave a large smile.

"Well, there's not much left to say. My name is Nerina, I have one older sister named Cassia, and a younger one named Xanthe. I lived in London, England, and I spell favourite with a 'u'." The class chuckled.

"Um, let's see. I like reading, especially fantasy and historic fiction, I like listening to music, although don't ask me which is my favourite singer, because I love them all, and wouldn't have the foggiest what to say. I also love art, especially that from the Rennaisance period." She ended off brightly.

"Thank you Ms. Maeve. You can go sit next to Mr. Smythe." Me? Why me? Oh. Yes. Because the only seat in the classroom was next to me. I am an idiot sometimes, or had you already noticed that? She sat next to me happily, and the teacher began the lesson.

After the lesson was over, we all began filing out of the room. Kyle, one of the members of the football team leaned over Nerina's desk and grinned at her. I knew that look. He was going to screw her, I'd see him give other girls that look. The other guys knew too, and hung around to see how he'd go about it this time, amused looks on their faces.

"Hello, sweetheart," He said to her. She looked up from packing her new books away and met his gaze levally. The girl had spunk, I'll give her that.

"Y'know," Kyle said, never taking his eyes off of her, "If I saw you naked, I could die happy." I'd heard him use that line about a million times before. She arched an eyebrow in much the same way she had to me, and stood up, picking up her backpack.

"And if I saw you naked," She replied calmly, "I would most probably die laughing." Kyle's face took on a confused expression, and I fought back the urge not to laugh. The other guys weren't doing as weel as I was, and a goodly number of them were on the floor in hysterics. Kyle seemed to realise what she had just said, and got angry.

"You're turning me down?" He asked, voice dangerous. She put on an expression of mock thoughtfulness, and said,

"Do you know what? I do believe I am! How very clever of you to have figured that out! Tell me, have you ever considered becoming a private investigator? Because with your astounding observational skills, I do believe you would do fantasticly!" Her voice was heavily laced with sarcasm, and the others broke out into yet more laughter.

"I'll tell you what, Sherlock," She said, moving towards the door, "Why don't you go find another cheerleader to sleep with, and I won't mention the fact that your dick is the size of a pencil, and we'll call it even. What do you say?" His face turned purple, and he strode towards her, raising his fist, and sending it speeding at her perfect face. She ducked easily, and kicked him hard in the chest.

"Sweetie," She said, disgusted, "Don't mess with a girl who has had extensive martial arts training. You may just find yourself with a very bad injury, and we wouldn't want that, now would we?" And then she was gone.


Well, first day of school was going just great. Please note the heavy sarcasm there. So far I'd managed to kick a member of the football team in the chest, and most probably making an enemy for life in the process. Oh goody, Nerina, leat's see what aother havoc we can cause before the day is over! Just then a pair of cheerleaders ran over to me. Oh great. I can just envision how this will end.

"Hey! You! Yeah, British kid!" British kid? Obvously these girls had been blessed with quich tongues as scathing wit. There's the sarcasm again. You won't believe how often it turns up. The cheerleaders got closer.

"Um, Hi! Look, we don't usually do this, but, um, we were thinking, you're really cute, and we think that you'd make, like, a great cheerleader, so we'd be fully willing to make an opening on the team!" Oh. My. God. I looked around for the cameras, because I'd obvoiusly just walked straight onto the 'Clueless' set.

"Uh. Well, you see…how do I put this?" I trailed off thoughtfully. "Oh! How about I'd rather clean th Picadilly monument of Lord Nelson with my tongue before I joined your team?" I really was making progress with the whole 'make friends!' plan. Oh yeah. Go me. I turned on my heel and stalked off leaving two very confused cheerleaders confereing as to what or whom Lord Nelson was. "I think he was an actor or something," I heard one of them say. Great. Just great.


As the day progressed, I saw that she was the most carefree, happy-go-lucky person I had ever come across. She joked all day, her wit was sharper than a razor blade, she didn't care what anyone thought about her—hell, she ate lunch with the chess club—and she laughed at everything. By the time the schoold day was over, she was making my head spin. She flitted from one thing to the other, laughing all the while.

I climbed into my silver convertible and brove off after putting the top up. It was poring with rain, and thunder was rumbling in the distance. As I drove along the street I saw a lone figure walking along the sidewalk. Who the hell was out walking in this weather?

As I got closer, I realised that I recognised it. Or should I say she. Nerina. She was soaked through, her blck hair plastered to her pale skin, but there was a look of rapture on her face.

She was skipping (yeah. Skipping. I was going to have to check this girls stuff for weed) and gazing upwards at the same time, laughing as the rain soaked her.

I slowed down and rolled down the window.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled over the deafening sound of the raind hitting the ground.

"Walking home!" She called back.

"Don't you have a car?"

"Yeah, but I left it at home!"

"Why did you do that?" I yelled.

"Because I heard it was going to rain!" I was thouroughly confused by now. She smiled.

"I love walking in the rain!" She yelled, by way of explanation.

"Oh. Do you want a lift?" Why did I offer that?

"No thank you! I want to be in the rain!" And then she started twirling around, laughing and singing and skipping down the street. I shook my head in disbelief. That girl was out of her mind.

Okay, this is just an idea, and I wont continue it if nobody likes it, but I just wanted to get it written, because it's been floating aroung my head for ages.