Chapter 6

What Happens when All your Dreams come True

My body shivered and I yanked at the covers to pull them closer. But it was too late. I was already awake. I turned on my side to reach over for a class of water. Downing nearly half the glass, I noticed that my room was strangely lit. There wasn't the pitch black of night or the annoyingly cheerful light of morning. It was dim late afternoon.

I set my water down and stood up from the bed. The water had cleared my mind a little bit, which allowed me to think logically. But even as I was trying to reason with myself, I felt the inside of my chest being weighed down, as if my heart was remembering something my mind could not. This feeling increased and I shuddered. Inside, I felt like a windowpane that had been shattered, but could not fall apart.

As I tried to shake off the feeling, I found myself in my living room. My cat lay curled up in the middle of the floor. I kneeled next to her and stroked her black coat. Her low rumble of a purr sounded like an expression of true love and pure pleasure. I always had an affinity for black coated animals. Something about their black fur made me want to be close to them. I think it had something to do with the fact that Fiyero's hair was black.

This whisper of memory was all that it took. In a moment I was back to three hours before, staring at a growing pool of blood.

I shook as I placed on foot in front of the other, my shoes absorbing the liquid under my feet. I stretched out my hand to open the door that was blocking the heart of the river, forcing my eyes open and the tears back. And then I opened it.

My hand flung to my mouth to prevent my stomach from up-heaving its contents. I'm sure my heart would've been glad to make the suicidal jump as well.

There he was, slumped against the stall wall, pale and gray as death. His clothes, the same ones he had been wearing for two weeks, seemed faded and lifeless. Only the blood was left to symbol the life contained within him once.

Having no strength to stand, I fell to my knees, splashing his blood on my clothes as I did so. My mouth hung open, grief shook my very bones, and silent cries escaped my throat.

"I'm…..so….sorry," I breathed. "I couldn't…do any…thing…Forgive me." I crawled closer to him, his blood burrowing beneath my fingernails, and I touched his face. I could feel the heat escaping his body. I lay myself next to him, my head resting on his shoulder, and closed my eyes.

Minutes later, I felt arms lifting me. I tightened my grasp around Fiyero's body and cemented my cheek near his silent heart. But the arms were strong. I screamed and screamed, holding Fiyero as long as I could, begging the arms to let me be, to let me sleep, to let me die. But the arms wouldn't listen. They pulled me farther and farther away from him, until even his bloodstained fingers slipped out of my reach.

I buried my head in my hands and arms, hoping that maybe if I tried hard enough, maybe I could smother myself in them. Rocking back and forth, my body shook harder than Fiyero ever had. And tears ran down my face freely. I didn't even try to wipe them away. Because maybe, if I cried enough, if I let all my tears run down my cheeks and onto the floor, I could flood the house, and my body could drift away just as Fiyero's had.

Fiyero was dead. Dead. dead. I would never see him again. I would never touch him again. I would never hear his voice again. Never. Not just for a few weeks. Not just for a few years. Never. There was no way to comprehend it but to rock and shake and cry it into my soul until I understood what "never" meant. Until I understood it, I could not accept it, and truly feel the pain of the word.

Then I did something I had only done a couple times in my life. I prayed.

"Please, God, bring him back. Don't let him leave me like this. Bring him home. Let him come back to me. I need him here with me. I'll die if I never see him again.

I'm sorry. I am sorry. I know that I did wrong. I know that I should've done different. Please. Let me go back and change what I've done. I'll take him back. I'll never ask for anything more. I'll love him and only him for as long as I live. Let me go back.

Let me speak to him. I asked him for forgiveness but I cannot know if he has taken it unless you bring him back to me. Let me have a second chance. Please, God, please. Let it all have been a dream."

"It was all a dream."

My breathing stopped.

My vision was so blurred with tears that when I opened my eyes, the world looked watery and unreal. I saw no one.

"Who's there?" I whispered. Silence responded. "Oh, speak again so that I know I'm not imagining you."

A warm, life-filled hand touched my shoulder.

In an instant I was on my feet and turned around to face the voice and the owner of the hand. He stood before me, as if he had never left me.

"I'm sorry that I had to leave you like that."

"Oh my God, Fiyero!" I rasped as my arms flew around him. I clung to him and my tears fell on his warm, bright shirt. He stroked my hair calmly, as if he knew my pain and he knew my relief.

I felt his face with my hands. He was so close, so real. His chest rose and fell with his breath, just as mine did. I ran my hands through his hair. He ran his hands through mine. I breathed in his smell, his warmth, his life. His eyes sparkled with an inner light I hadn't seen there in months. Everything about him was renewed, bright, and shining.

For a long time, I couldn't speak. I just looked at his face, his eyes, his life, trying to take it all in. He simply looked back at me, calmly, understanding my silence.

I tried to think of something to say. I wanted to tell him all I had been through. I wanted to ask how he was here now. I wanted to find words to express how happy I was. But no words would form themselves in my mouth. Fiyero saw my inability to speak and smiled.

"Just say the first thing that comes to mind."

My eyes flicked to just past his shoulder, as if searching for those first words. They came quickly, and my gaze returned to his.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Elly. And I will always love you, no matter what happens." My heart melted at the sound of his voice saying my name.

"I can't believe you're here. I thought-"

"Ssh. I know.

"I'm so sorry… I should've- You are….real, aren't you?" A flicker of darkness crossed his light face.

"As I said, I will always love you." My lip quivered.

"Y-you mean…"

"Ssh. Don't think about that. I'm here now. I came back because I wanted to tell you-" A rush of wind mysteriously whistled through the house.

"Oh no," he whispered. "I have to go." His arms disappeared from around me and in an instant he was walking across the room. I fell back to the ground.

"No! Wait!" I called after him from the floor.

"I'll come back again!" his voice said, though it became more like the wind every second, the farther away he got. "I promise!"

"No!" I yelled, my voice being drowned out by the wind. "Don't leave me!" He reached for the door and opened it. And even as his voice and body disappeared all together, I still called after him, "Don't leave me, don't leave me" kneeling on my living room floor, my head down, my arms out, reaching for something I would never hold.