4A Mother's Love
I could do it until you told me that I couldn't.
"This is it, ." You said with the tears that stained the ground
And helped me slip.
From there I completely lost my footing.
At first, I thought it would be almost over.
I thought that someone was going to lift the burden up again,
And I would walk away.
When it first fell, the wall across my back was light enough for me to carry on my own.
I even had enough strength in me
To move around beneath its weight.
Then suddenly, people began to disappear.
All the things I thought I was handling by myself
Seemed ten times more powerful than my ability to deal with them.
You were all I had left to help me.
You made me strong enough.
You never left me with nothing. (You never left me at all.)
You always gave me everything you had to give. (You didn't even think twice.)
Eventually, all I could see were your shuffling feet
Scurrying around the ceiling coming down around me.
You were the only one who ever got to your knees
To look me in the face.
Each time you fell to see me,
I could see the panic intensify in your eyes.
Then the moment you realized you were all I had,
You crawled under the crumbling wall yourself.
I watched you suffer from across the room as the weight slowly crushed the both of us.
I watched you frantically trying to adjust
To all the changes now layering upon our shoulders.
"Mom! I have it!" I yelled again, but you wouldn't hear it.
You refused to leave me alone in agreement that I could handle something way over my head.
Somehow, you knew how badly I really needed help.
So you stayed; under that heavy cement with me.
Your voice steadily grew louder as you tried to push away the wall for me.
But denial, I realize, does not make it go away.
…We were helpless.
But again, you met me face to face.
You brought with you honesty and strength
That you didn't even know you were giving me.
The thought of leaving never even once crossed your mind.
It was never an option.
I felt comfort in that. Until you said…
The sincerity in which you spoke shattered my will to even cry.
"This is it, . You're not going to make it."
I must be mistaken! I must have misunderstood you!
"No! No, Mom look! I've got it!" You cried as I spoke,
Realizing the truth that wasn't inevitable until you showed me that you thought it was.
I became weak, powerless, broken,
By your soft, trembling voice as you told me I was finished.
(Please, never doubt me. Always love me. Never leave me.)
I couldn't move, I was paralyzed.
Paralyzed and still sinking deeper into myself beneath the unflinching wall.
WAKE UP!
I tried - nothing.
I tried again - still nothing.
Again, again, and again until finally something.
Awake at last.
Is this the end?
Where are you?
I'm still alive.