Loneliness

Loneliness, as either you or I can guess, is Lonely, and presumably always will be. She came to terms with that a long time ago.

Sentiments are, as is well known, Immortal, and Loneliness, is, as previously stated, Lonely, so the majority of her days are spent drenched in Solitude, pondering and brooding over whatever occurs to her at any moment in time. Her mind skips from one subject to another, never hesitating too long on any single topic – she inevitably stumbles upon a before-used train of thought every few days, or years, or millennia. She has always found it more Interesting to return to a concept every now and then rather than spending centuries picking it over. Experience has taught her that using this method would eventually be Illegal, as it would become Monotonous, and that is another Sentiment's District entirely.

Now the subject of the Districts of Sentiments is a rather Complicated matter. Every Sentiment has their own Exclusive Locality which they must represent at all times (Loneliness, for example, is the Sentiment of Solitude and Isolation, and therefore is responsible for being persistently Lonely). Unfortunately, the issue is much more Complex than a simple Sentiment's Private District. Every Individual Sentiment has the Rights to a very small portion of every single District that exists, so they can experience very muted versions of all the Sentiments that normal Entities (such as you and me) usually encounter. But wait, there's more: sometimes a Sentiment will delve too deeply into a District that is not their own; they will feel that Sentiment as strongly as if it belonged to them.

And then they will get in Very Deep Trouble.

This has only happened once to Loneliness, stumbling over the border into Monotonous Boredom after an eternity of thought. When one is as Lonely as Loneliness herself, one cannot afford very many bad memories.

This night, however, Loneliness is nearly as close to Misery as she has ever been to Boredom. And so, for reasons that may or may not become Clear to you and me, Loneliness' mind turns to the awful memory of Monotony…

0×0

The moment that Loneliness had crossed over to Boredom, she knew that she had made a Grave Error.

Because she was frozen.

Not in the normal physical sense, of course. She could move about just as freely as usual; she continued breathing, and her eyes were still blinking regularly. She could sweep her long black hair out of her face. But her mind had been swept clean, barren of any emotion, thought or feeling. They had removed her Sentiment; all that was left was Nothing.

In some strange, un-thinking way, Loneliness (although she was technically no longer Lonely, but Nothing) began to panic. She was filled with a kind of eternal Futility. Her very essence had been completely stripped.

And then her door opened. In walked the Keepers of Balance, Order and Serenity. Without saying a word, they began to strap handcuffs about her pale wrists. Once they had finished, Order made a strange gesture with his hand, and Loneliness' self returned with a rush of thought and memory, filling in the vacuum that had been Nothing. Her ears rang for a moment. She blinked as if waking from a deep slumber. For the first time in her life, she was glad to be Lonely.

And then she remembered Why.

Order began to pull her from the room, and Serenity said, "You, Loneliness, Sentiment of Solitude and Isolation, have been charged with overstepping your bounds into the District of Monotony. Is this correct?"

Loneliness could do nothing but nod.

"Your presence will be required," continued Serenity, as they walked down the corridor, "at a Disciplinary Hearing scheduled for thirteen o'clock, tomorrow afternoon, in the Grand Assembly Hall. Understood?"

Loneliness nodded again as the Keepers led her through the halls of the Sentiment Palace. They soon reached the staircase that led to the lower floors and made their way downwards, past two more Sentiment Residence Sectors, past the Lecture Hall on the second floor, and the Palace Foyer and Throne Room on the ground floor. As they continued to descend into the dank tunnels that plunged within the mountain on which the Sentiment Palace was built, Loneliness knew there could only be one place the Keepers were leading her. Her suspicions were confirmed as they passed under a rough-hewn arch emblazoned with the words "Royal Penitentiary for District-Abusing Sentiments (RPDAS)".

"As you may have guessed, you will be held in the Penitentiary until your Hearing," said Serenity.

Loneliness glanced about her nervously as Order and Serenity led her down a long, dim passage that was lined with the barred doors of Penitentiary cells. Order unlocked the door to Cell #721, removed Loneliness' handcuffs, and pushed her inside.

"Remember," Serenity warned her as Order shut the door, "Behave yourself. And let the momentary Sentiment Suspension that you underwent be a lesson to you. There are plenty of Entities who would do anything to replace you if you continue to abuse your District Boundaries." She paused, then wished Loneliness "Good Luck" and walked away.

Gazing at the Silent darkness of her cell, Loneliness was positive that never in her life had she felt less prone to being anything but Lonely.

It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the dark, and when she was finally able to look about her, she was surprised to discover that the cell already housed two other Sentiments.

The first was a small teen-aged girl with thick red hair, vivid green eyes, and a plethora of freckles. She gazed Intently at Loneliness as if she found her Fascinating. The second Sentiment was a man with tousled black hair. He appeared to be asleep.

"Who're you?" asked the girl as Loneliness took a seat on a bench set into the wall.

"Loneliness," Loneliness muttered.

"Ahh, Sentiment of…" she trailed off.

"Solitude and Isolation," Loneliness said.

"I suppose you'll want to know who I am," said the girl, and then continued without giving Loneliness time to respond, "but then again perhaps you won't. Nobody likes me much, mostly because I pry into things that aren't my own business. But of course I can't help that. After all, being the Sentiment of Inquisitiveness and Interest does entitle you to a certain amount of Prying, don't you think? Anyway, call me Curiosity –"

She was interrupted by the third occupant of the room. "Don't call her Curiosity, call her a Duck!"

"I beg your pardon?" whispered Loneliness, turning around to look at the other Sentiment, who was clearly no longer asleep.

"Oh, don't let him bother you," said Curiosity, trying to be Comforting. "He's Insanity, the Sentiment of Madness and Lunacy. He babbles nonsense all day long. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure what he's in for, not that it could be that hard to guess. Probably for being a Nuisance." Then she turned to Insanity, "Just because I'm Curious, what's a Duck anyway?"

Insanity seemed to ponder this for a moment, scratching his already disheveled mop of hair. Loneliness could see that his eyes were a vivid shade of blue, now that they were open. "I have no Idea," he concluded finally.

Curiosity rolled her eyes. "You're so Irritating," she moaned. "Dare I ask what you're in for anyway?"

"Well, it's very Confusing actually," said Insanity. Loneliness was Glad to no longer be the Center of Attention. "I decided to see what it was like to be Sane, just for Variety, you know. But the thing is, it's Insane to be Sane, because it's terribly Dull. So I really didn't do anything wrong. But the Keepers locked me up anyway." Having explained his situation, Insanity began to scream.

Curiosity looked Intrigued. "Why are you screaming?"

"I felt a sudden inclination to."

Curiosity turned back to Loneliness, having lost Interest in Insanity. "What did you say you were in for again?"

Loneliness neglected to mention that she hadn't said what she was in for, and merely replied, "I got Bored."

"Ah well, that's too bad. You can probably guess what I did, can't you?"

Loneliness shook her head.

"Well, it's kind of like Insanity's case, where he got in trouble for really doing what he was supposed to be doing…"

"You didn't kill a Cat, did you?" Insanity interrupted. He then began to laugh rather Maniacally.

"I don't suppose you can tell me what a Cat is either," said Curiosity in a Glum voice.

"No, I can't," Insanity replied Sadly.

"Well, as I was saying," Curiosity continued, "I was Curious as to what it was like to be a Different Sentiment. But I was too Eager to try it out to remember that I wasn't supposed to overstep my Bounds. You can guess what happened next."

Loneliness nodded Mutely, and began to wish that her Hearing would hurry up and happen so that she wouldn't have to continue talking to these two Strange Sentiments. Oddly enough, she wasn't having a Hard time remaining Lonely. She usually avoided other Sentiments to prevent herself from leaving her District, but Curiosity's Nosy manner was only helping her draw further into herself. She felt as Alone as she ever had, and wished very much that this whole Nightmare would be just that, a Nightmare, and that she would wake up to find that it had never happened…

0×0

What sort of Terrible thing is it, you might ask, that makes Loneliness turn back to this Horrid memory? What could possibly force her to recall an occurrence of such awful Desolation and Fear? The answer is quite Simple: Loneliness was planning to do it all over again.

Now, before you begin to think that Insanity's mental state had rubbed off on our Poor Loneliness, you must understand two Important things that occurred during her Hearing. First of all, she was lead, hand-cuffed, into the Grand Assembly Hall, where rows upon rows of white-wigged Highly Important Sentiments glared down at her. Secondly, she was told by Justice, the Most Important Sentiment in the Assembly, that if she was ever to leave her District again, she would have her Sentiment permanently removed, and be thrown out of the Sentiment Palace and made to live among the Entities. With that, the Hearing was over, and Loneliness was told that she could go home, and to have a Nice day.

It is the second Important item that is of Relevance to our story, because in the weeks and months after the Hearing, the words of the Most Important Sentiment in the Assembly rings in Loneliness's ears: "If you are ever to leave your District again, you will have your Sentiment permanently removed, and be thrown out of the Sentiment Palace and made to live among the Entities."

To those who are already Entities, like you or me, such a Fate does not seem terribly Exciting, but to Loneliness, it is a chance to experience the Unknown, a glimpse of a future that may not be quite so Dull and Montonous. Above all, it is a guarantee to never be Lonely again, and Loneliness is Sick and Tired of being Lonely. She wonders why she has never thought to do this before.

And now we know why Loneliness brings herself to the verge of Misery. We know why she wallows in Self-Pity until she is positively dripping with Desolation. Why she wails and moans and weeps until she feels that Familiar rush of air, and a vacuum where her Sentiment used to be.

0×0

This time, they don't bring her before the Assembly, they don't place her in the Penitentiary. They don't even restore her Sentiment. They just drag her wordlessly through the Palace, and out the front doors, and into a waiting carriage. Had she been able to think, Loneliness would have wondered what the strange stamping beasts tied to the coach were. Alas, she is only able to step up into the carriage, and take a seat. Loneliness does not have the ability to be Afraid, or to think how Jealous Curiosity would be if she could see her now.

The road is bumpy and steep and the lights of the Palace grow smaller and dimmer, like Forgotten stars, as the carriage makes its way down the mountain. Finally, the ground begins to flatten out, and the coach comes to a halt. Order opens the door and drags Loneliness out. In front of her is a tiny village of cozy trim houses, warm lamplight chasing away the night's shadows. The square in the center of the houses is filled with people dancing to lively music. But as Loneliness and the Keepers of Balance stand there at the edge of the light, the villagers begin to take notice, and the jubilation dies down. Serenity strides forward and takes a round-faced woman gently by the elbow, leading her towards the carriage. Order makes a funny gesture with his fingers, and the woman's shoulders droop, and on some subconcious level Loneliness knows that she has been replaced.

When Loneliness turns back to look at the Keepers, she sees Order making a strange hand gesture again, and she feels herself return – but it is a very, very different self. At first she is surprised, and then she is happy, and then she is sad, and then she is surprised again… And Loneliness does not know quite what she is when a brown-haired young man takes her by the hand, and leads her into the square, and the music starts up again.

Exactly how our heroine feels in these first few moments is almost impossible for you or me to imagine. Perhaps it is like having been forced to eat asparagus for your entire life, and then suddenly being able to eat sushi, and chocolate cake, and instant noodles, which are all delicious but in very different ways. Or perhaps it is an inescapably wonderful and tremendous freedom from all earthly bonds. Or perhaps it is something simple Entities like us shall never know.

On the other hand, something we do know is that our no-longer-aptly-named heroine shall never, ever be lonely again.