Neurobiological Disorder: Heart of The Cards

Um, disclaimer time. If, um, promise you won't hit me! If your name is On Mercury, uh, don't feel anger and junk. OK. I'M USING CAPS TO TELL IT'S COMING!

I can't hold it much longer!

Alright, how would you like your kids to learn about firearms? This is a survey, so please answer. Would you prefer they learn about them from public school, the military, television, other kids, or you, the parent?

Second, how would you prevent arson? Prohibit citizens from buying gasoline (petrol), prevent citizens from buying matches or lighters, or prosecute the arsonist?

Third, if you witnessed your child being attacked by an adult, would you run away, hoping to be a decoy, watch the attack and be a good witness for the police, or intervene by fighting the attacker?

Finally, if you said you'd fight the attacker, which would be your priority, the health of your attacker, or your own wellbeing? Assuming you chose the later, how would you prefer handling the attacker, with your bare hands, an ineffective weapon, or, a weapon that would actually take down the attacker? You would want the most effective weapon available, right?

I'd appreciate honesty when filling out this survey.

Disclaimer to the general public: this essay had improper relations with your mother.

"Silly Arabs, freedom's for us!"
-John Stein

I'd like to put out an advisory concerning doctors, for I've just received some alarming statistics. There are 700,000. doctors in the U.S, and the accidental deaths caused by doctors every year are 120,000. That makes the accidental deaths per physician 0.171.

Now, The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80 million. The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.

Statistics on the physicians are courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services, while the gun Statistics are courtesy of the FBI.

Given these statistics, it is therefore evident that physicians are 9,000 times deadlier than gun owners, and all Americans have doctors. Doctors present a clear and present danger to all citizens. Please alert your friends and family about the danger of doctors, and ask your local congressman about placing a waiting period on the use of doctors, and about taxing them out of the hands of the general public. More than ever, it is imperative that doctors be limited to only the select few professionals in society capable of handling the risk of doctors, and they all have fancy badges and titles.

And That's the News.
National write a novel month is starting this November in the United States. This is something like Ramadan for my brave soldiers, but instead of fasting, we'll be writing novels. Novels are big books filled with words, and we write them to demonstrate how creative we are. I hope mine measures up to everyone else's, but if not, at least I'll know I alerted all of you.

So, friends, this month we aren't the posse, we are Write Club, and the first rule of Write Club is that we won't flaunt our experiences with the anarchist cookbook, but will write our own book instead. The books must be fictional, and I'd prefer if they were based in the contemporary world. It shouldn't be an essay. This isn't an essay. This is the essay section. I'm from the essay section. Don't put it here. But on the greater website, put it there.

We'll set our aim at seventy-five thousand words, and call that a novel, but I'll consider it permissible if you wuss out with a novella.

As for me, I should begin publishing The Fake Raptor Papers. Remember, everyone, in Write Club... we haven't developed a creed yet. Even so, we have an agenda laid out. Our next target is the Stupid Interest community on LiveJournal. They've added "christian goth"as one of their "stupid interests," thus launching a deadly fusillade against one of my most active lieutenants. They will get their LJ drama! I will set them up the bomb. All their base will belong to us!

About the Christian Goth community on LJ, they're still stuck in the same moral quagmire, debating whether or not oral sex is really sex. For this I will utter a thousand curses for Slick Willie, and will hitch a ride on the wayback machine to impeach him. Done. Ah, Al Gore is still president, right? What I do...?

A/N to all Resident Evil fans: your fandom rides a girl's bike!

Am I finished? Yep. This is the cutoff line, where the fuel shortages begin. This is...this was supposed to be my account for collaborative works. It just happened to mature in time to be...timely. You all know who I am, anyway. . It came to pass that I hid a code in the hearts of man. I kept it sealed inside until the time came to say goodbye, for my works were finished. I had made the internet my playground, and I played rough, for I played the games of hearty men. Snape kills Dumbledore in book six. See pages 596, 597, and 606 for more information.