virginity hardened into a bloodstain

religion is h.a.t.e.f.u.l. tonight,
eyes scared like desolate streetlights on the highway outside your sister's bedroom window
jaundiced light harboring anorexic heroin cold in the summer sweat,
your truck parked halfway on the curb with our clothes dishelved hanging from the passenger's side door
(we were in such a february rush we really had no other place to fall into except

(lust.)

these restless august nights across from me you dream
you dream like god,
discarding ailing bones, di(e)-
seases spreading unknowing in your blood,
arson&faith& where's the fucking redemption?

we were supposed to be finding in this bedsheet eden
the curve of your name opening in the stale bedroom air,
like your lips as they melt within me,
(and i arch)
back, tasting the strands of impurity
brushing against my cheek
reminding your sweat-slicked fingers
are not pressing into (pushing) me (down)
like a lover's.

(so many nights will pass after this)
your taste imprinting itself on my tongue, fingergrips molded into our bones
you still just 5 a.m. with a face like guernica
bloodywateramoraltiledfloorsletterstogodyoucarvedoutofyourskinandthecocainehighofyoureyes

(i traced your nakedness in search of a pulse
as virginity hardened into a bloodstain around my heart)

and:
i will become the red-headed juliet whose face you pictured on the wall above my head
(when we fucked
as you fade into the cigarette smoke (yet a. nother) he exhales into the desert distance

and:
if our eyes ever meet when we pass each other on that old familiar sidewalk
we will walk away quiet

because this summer has wintered&
what we remember of each other has frozen in the ice.

-fin.