Avoidance

By: Furious Alwayz

Author's Note: You college freshmen girls, watch out for the guys. This poem is long over due, but so far I think it's blah…but once it gets reviewed and I start reading it more, I will begin to like it. That's how it usually works with my other pieces. I might later do some revisions to it to.

Summary: Maybe if I avoid him, everything…the memories, the pain, the longing…will just disappear.

Dedicated to Chey.


I see you sitting there

The light majestically shining on you

Like you're some type of angel

Enhancing your appearance

Got every nerve in my body acting delirious

I'm so fucking serious

Then you glance at me

I turn away because this is how things have to be

Avoidance

Because I don't know how to act when I am in your presence

(Ever want something you couldn't have?)

Since only a few weeks ago we shared a night of passion

Which caused me to have an awkward reaction

Avoidance

But you believe I was doing you wrong

Which wasn't entirely true

Because I was just going through the emotions

Of sleeping with a guy I barely even knew

And I didn't know you

If I did, I would have know that you were capable of the evil things you said

Making me feel so got-damned bad

But let's fast forward through the tears

That I sobbed to my peers

Past the quivering lip

To:

"I still like you, but I don't want a relationship."

Seems like things have gotten better between us, true?

(Maybe for you)

Because from that point on we decided to be friends

Friends

Friends until the very end

(Lame)

But you'll never understand how much you really hurt me, friend

(Never got an apology)

So let me tell you

Rather let me show you

Can I rip out your heart and spit on it

No

Even better let me squat above it and take a nice long shit

Get inside my mind and feel like a damn fool

Because even after all this, I still really fucking like you

If only you knew

How I get down on my knees , praying, crying, shouting to God

Every single night

That you will feel as strongly about me as I feel about you

I am attracted to you physically, emotionally, and even spiritually.

Spiritually?

Why?

'Cause I saw you hooting and hollering: "Thank you, Jesus?"

'Cause none of my male friends have preach about His word?

'Cause you said you wanted to deal with me spiritually?

But probably that was just your fancy way of saying: "Let's just be friends."

Till the very end, correct?

Remember when you were small

You stood on a chair to reach for that toy on the top shelf

If only you had been a little taller

You would have gotten it

Let me stand on friendship to see if I can reach relationship

Let me stand on hurt to see if I can reach heal

Let me stand on me and you fucking to see if I can reach undo the past

Hmmm…too short

Avoidance

If I continue to avoid you

Ignore my hurt

Deny my want

Forget the past

They will go away

And that will be the day

I will be tall enough to reach for my "high" self-esteem

So no one will ever do me wrong

Again

I will look down and see

That I won't be standing on you

On pain

On avoidance

Since that definitely ain't the key

I will be standing on

Instead

My very own two feet