I think I've read this poem before
over and over in my head

so picturesque –
how my eyes squinted in the bleak sun
the bright greens and yellows of the trees, tall and expansive

and I stood that day on the deck of the apartment
where looking down at the ground
nauseates me
for it was here where my brother may have crashed to the ground

so I stared up at the roof
I stared fifteen feet down at the tough ground
and I saw him falling

and my stomach dropped
and my mind choked
on thoughts of dirty blood on glimmering asphalt

and the voices inside of me have shut away
all of the noises from the highway
oh lust is such
a lie,
I know this far too well now
And I scream it from my mind
but this is all I can do