Walking down the alleyway, I wait for you to join me. I long to inhale your scent from beneath you, to lose myself in the stream of words flowing from your candy red lips. I've seen you many times before, in the same place. Always the same place. Until tonight.
This is my confession.
The first day the door opened and I heard the faint tinkling of a bell, I lifted my head from my stark, black poetry and rested my tired eyes upon you, my vision in gray. Your scarf was loosely knotted around your neck and your hair, your long brown hair, was held back by a scrap of cloth. You shook the snow off your shoulders and walked over to a table in the middle of the dim café, pulling out your notebooks and casting a weary glance around the room.
And so I watched, occasionally taking a casual sip of my bitter coffee. Your chocolate eyes never once looked in my direction, and, when it was time to go, I knew that our silent agreement had been made. You'd come back tomorrow. And I promised I'd be there, staring at something that would never be mine.
The bleak, dreary gray walls of the concrete building I lean on give off a feeling of hopelessness and despair. I know I need to keep waiting, I tell myself. It won't be long now.
Swiftly, the memories come crashing like waves inside my mind. I turn them over; flip them inside out until they're as fluid as water, as broken as the sand.
I was patient for a while. Two months, to be precise, almost sixty long days. That's when I broke. Slipping you a note under your plate, biting my nails in anticipation for your answer. Where did you disappear to? Why'd you leave me hanging from a thread? No response, nothing to be heard from you. I thought my heart would shatter.
The cold hits my cheeks and I blink back the harsh light coming from a streetlamp nearby. I wrap my arms tighter around my trembling body underneath my thick wool coat. My breath comes out in soft, fading clouds from my mouth and I close my eyes, the thrill of imagining you pressed up close to me replaying in my head.
Through the agony, I stumbled around in the dark. Starved and ehxausted, I visited my place, our place, only to find the air still lingering with your smell, filling me with a feeling of hope. Only to find a card, neatly folded, tied to the handle of my mug. The message inside was scrawled in messy writing with emerald green ink, and the meaning was even more beautiful.
And so I'm waiting still.
The faint sound of footsteps crunching in the snow can be heard, and my eyes dart around, not daring to hope for the slightest chance it could be you. I breathe in the crisp air, letting it invade my lungs and freeze my insides until I exhale, sending a silvery swirl of mist that twirls and twirls over itself until it fades into obscurity.
That's when I feel it. Your presence, unspoken, behind me. You don't need to say a word; my senses are alert and every part of my body is on fire. I turn around slowly, my breath catching in my throat as we come face to face for the first time.
"Sienna," you breathe. I never picked up the musicality of my name until you take it in, throw in whirls of color, and twirl it around your tongue like a kaleidoscope of shapes and imagery.
"Hi." I search your eyes for an indication of something you might be feeling, of any similarity to the growing thrill inside my heaving chest.
"Cozy little spot I picked to meet up, isn't it?" You wipe your nose with your sleeve.
"I couldn't have picked a better one myself," I reply with a shy smile. The corners of your red lips curl up into a sly grin, and I notice that you're holding something inside the pocket of your coat.
"The privacy appealed to me." You take a pause and study me for what seems like hours. "You're cold then?"
"I'll warm you up." You take a step towards me and I take one back, backing up into the concrete wall.
Your arms wrap around me, I nestle my face in the warmth of your coat. Your comforting hands sweep over me, higher, higher, stop.
"What are you doing?" I pull away, I try to draw back but your firm grip is tightening around my arm.
You shake your head, a slow, eerie smile creeping on to your face. My eyes are wide, they look up into yours and a gentle melody escapes your lips.
Now I've got you.
And with the razor sharp searching of your hands, the collision of your hot mouth with my lips, the heart stopping grinding of your hips, my blood-curling scream pierces the night. Lights off.
"Whatever you do," I sob, "You have to promise to destroy me."
The mind-numbing truth scalds my insides. It's amazing, you whisper, what people will believe when they want to die.