The voice of her dead spirit kept whispering in my ear. " Take the weed and the lighter. No one will find out," her hypnotizing voice said to me. I grabbed the sides of my head and tugged at my raggedy black and red locks. " No no no," I whispered to myself as I walked back in forth in my small room. I stumbled over my tennis bag making my curtains somehow fall down.
" Lizzie! " I heard my dad's threatening voice yell through the cheap apartment walls. " It's nothing da-" I started to say until I looked into the horrifying reflection of my small glass window. It was she! The woman with the chocolate skin, Japanese eyes, straight nose with the hoop, and her luscious lips mouthing out the words ' do it.'
" Lizzay!" my African stepmother yelled from her room. I closed my eyes calmly and yelled," I'm alright!" I opened my eyes and saw the regular reflection of myself. " No one gives a fuck! Is the fucking room alright!" my dad yelled louder. " Yes," I said. " What!" my dad yelled even louder. " I said, ' YESS!'" I yelled becoming irritated.
Then I heard my dad's heavy snoring come from the room. I walked out of my room silently and went into the crappy bathroom, turned on the bath water, ran the sink water, and looked into the mirror.
I stared into the mirror and saw my brown skin, big dark brown eyes, smooth lips, buckteeth, naturally arched eyebrows, and the uneven red and black dreds. I sighed as I listened to the calming running water and said to myself, " When will she just leave."
I created the monster inside of my head. I wrote about her, drew her, and imagined her being at my side when I was playing kickball in Elementary. She told me where to go if I wanted to catch the ball and she was right.
She was the monster who helped me build my confidence when I played tennis and win that trophy that my so-called " best friend" broke when she was jealous. She made me smile when I was in tears. She was the one who told me not to eat because it could've been poisoned.
She was the one who kept my voice timid. She was the one who made me happy in the outside, but when really I was an evil person inside. She made me smoke it. She made me turn to the dark side. She was the one who deprived my soul.
I call her " The Devil" or " Lucifer." I turned off the sink water and stopped the bathwater. I walked out of the bathroom and into my room. I searched through the pile of clothing. I had just moved back with my dad so I had no bed…because they sold it.
I looked under my baby brother, Jimmy's, crib and saw the peach flavored swisher filled with weed and next to it was an orange lighter. I grabbed both of them and then stood up. I had to put on black clothing, so I set it down. It was a ritual I did when I smoked.
I went through my shit and picked out these black pants and a black tank I had bought from Ross. I slipped on my EMO black Chucks and walked out of my back door. Oh shit! I forgot to get the weed. I crept back inside. As the back door opened, it made that squealing sound.
I tip toed over to my dresser and picked up the weed and the lighter. I walked outside and slowly closed the door. I felt stupid because the slower I closed it; the longer the rusted sound lasted.
As I walked through my small backyard, I kept on tripping over shit like rusted screws and hammers. My dad used to use that stuff to build stuff for the apartment, until the landlord didn't sell him it.
I went up the stairs to the abandon apartment, and went on the balcony. I placed the blunt between my dry lips, held the lighter to my mouth, and lit it. The cool night breeze blew through my dreds as I exhaled the smoke through my nose.
It felt like a thousand ants crawling inside my body as I kept on inhaling the smoke. I felt like writing. Someone's hands were massaging my shoulders. And it felt so good. I looked down at the hands and saw that it was she. The Devil was massaging me. I saw her black painted fingernails studded with these small diamonds. The tiny diamonds glistened in the moonlight.
" Now isn't that much better?" her seductive voice whispered into my ears. " Why don't you just leave me alone?" I asked her. She laughed and as she laughed she purred…like two voices it was.
" Silly silly Elizabeth. Have you not learned? You created me. You wanted to be with someone till you die. You wanted someone by your side to encourage you in the things you do," her voice whispered.
I turned around and faced her. She was different now. She had long black and red dreds, a pug nose, big red yellow green tri-colored eyes, and this creepy innocent looking smile.
" I don't want you anymore! You are just my imagination!" I yelled at her. She frowned and slowly disappeared. She'll be back. " Great job genius, you just woke up your dad," her voice said in my head.
" Holy shit!" I hissed as I threw the bit of weed over the gate next door. " Lizzy!" my dad yelled. Shit shit shit shit! I jumped over the railing of the balcony and landed on my feet. I ran around to the front door. Fuck it was locked. " Lizzy!" my dad's voice yelled even louder.
I heard his footsteps coming towards the front door; I ran around to the back and fell over a bunch of buckets. " Son of a bitch!" I yelled as I grabbed onto my bloody knee. I hopped on one leg and went through the back door.
" Lizzie?" I heard my dad call my name again. " Hold on," I said as I ran into the bathroom and tripped again over my own foot. My heads landed on the toilet lid. " Hold on?!" my dad started, " Hold on to fucking what?!"
I ignore my dad's words and touched my nose. Yeah…blood was pouring out of my nose.