Chapter 17: Sharing Secrets and Intimacies

-Candle's POV-

I watched my former lover closely, my eyebrows knitted deeply. Leon was hunched over with his chin resting on his clasped hands, his hair shielding his face. I said nothing, knowing that if I did, he might not say anything. So I waited.

"I… I came from Guillen, New Jersey, in America. I lived there my entire life before I came here, and I probably would have stayed there if… certain things hadn't happened." He began slowly. I sensed from his tone of voice that he had left his hometown for something serious. And he was about to tell me what that something was! Despite the seriousness of the situation, I felt a strange sense of pride that he trusted me enough to tell me his secret.

"As I told you before, I went into a coma when I was fourteen because I got into a motorcycle accident. I awoke during the summer when I was fifteen, and went into high school. I skipped sophomore year and went right into junior year. It was then… that the 'fun' began." He shifted on the sofa, narrowing his eyes unhappily. He crossed his legs and then uncrossed them, restless. He glanced over at me, vulnerability written all over his face. I felt horrible now for practically forcing him to tell me the horrible things that had happened to him. I was sure I'd feel worse after he was done. I could tell that whatever his story was, it was painful.

"A new substitute teacher came to my school when I was a junior. Twenty-five, red haired, thin, beautiful, and with a heavy Russian accent that seemed o give every pubescent male in the room a hard-on. Her name was Anastasia Romonosov. She substituted for my classes often, and one day she called me up to her desk after class to tell me how much she enjoyed my enthusiasm for school." He smiled slightly, seemingly reminiscing.

(Was he in love with her once? I'm sure he was… but is he still?)

"Over time, I began to develop feelings for her. Of course, I didn't expect it to be anything more than just a crush, but when one day she gave me a note during class… before even reading it, I kind of knew the contents.

"In the note, she proclaimed her un-teacherly love for me, and also said some things about how she thought I had feelings for her as well. Then, at the end of the note, she told me that she was going to transfer out of my school so she wouldn't have to put up with seeing me everyday when she knew she couldn't have me. I countered this note by actually going to her house-I got her address from the school records-and I cornered her."

I sat back and absorbed the story thus far, if it could be so casually called a story. So Leon was telling me about a former lover of his… what did she do that made him so cold and distant? There were so many possibilities… and I had the feeling that whatever it was that had happened, it would be what I least expected. This knowledge led to thinking…

(What if by telling me this, he comes more withdrawn than before? Or he hates me for making him relive this?)

I grew panicked for a moment, searching for any trace of anger in the boy sitting across from me. He was looking up now, watching me in fact. I couldn't read him very well, but what I saw in his gorgeous gray eyes was anything but hate. I couldn't tell exactly what it was, though… Leon had never been the most readable person.

I stopped thinking when I heard him speaking again.

"I told Anastasia how much I did love her, and how we could and would be together forever. I ended up seducing her that night, and our… relationship began." He paused, breathing hard. From the gasps of breath he was taking, I could tell he was crying. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't walk over and embrace him and wipe away those slowly falling tears. I was afraid to move, afraid that if I did, the dream would dissipate.

"Things went well for a while." Leon was watching the floor now, his hair shielding his face once more. I could hear his voice crack; it sounded like he was losing face very quickly. He sniffled very quietly before continuing. "She stayed in Guillen, and we hid our relationship. But even though it was hidden, and even though her job was at risk, it was the most beautiful relationship I had ever experienced. However, things became serious much too quickly. Before I knew it… she was pregnant." I heard him cry out and I started to get up to help him, but he looked up and shook his head. I gasped and dropped back into my seat. There were tears leaking down his pale face, his normally emotionless gray eyes glistening with more pain and sadness than I knew a human possessed. I could tell that if I interrupted him at all, he would never finish. And if that happened, he might not have the willpower to ever complete it.

"I was determined to do the right thing, and I agreed to marry her after graduation. I refused to leave her side.

"She lost her teaching position because the school discovered that she was carrying my child, but she didn't care. I got a job to support her, and things went well… for a while."

I held my breath, ready to hear whatever he wanted to say. His posture was still, his arms folded tightly across his chest, his legs locked tightly together, and his head facing the floor. Against the hardwood floor, his tears stood out, gathered in a small puddle right in front of his feet. I could imagine what his face looked like by now, with those tears eroding it…

"One day, I came home from work to hear two people talking. At first I thought it was just Anastasia on the phone, but when I got to the door…" He scrunched up his body tighter, practically pulling his legs to his chest. I still couldn't see his face.

"I knew by then that this was not a phone conversation on speakerphone. There were two voices, Anastasia's and a familiar male voice-my best friend at the time, Xavier Markinson-making noises I knew well. I walked inside the apartment I shared with Anastasia, and…" He began to shake, but he continued to speak, taking occasional breaks in between words to keep himself together.

"And in fact, there she was… in bed with my best friend and pregnant with my child. Our promise ring was sitting next to the bed we had created our child in, on a small table.

"Needless to say, she looked surprised and she said nothing to try and help aid herself. After all, what can you really say to help yourself when you have been caught cheating on your fiancée?" He glanced at the ground and gulped deeply before continuing.

"After Xavier left, we got into a fight. She told me that I hadn't been home lately to pleasure her because of school and work. I could tell immediately that she regretted saying what she did, but by then it was too late. I told her I never wanted to see her again and that I wanted nothing to do with her child. I was so mad that night… I didn't stop to think what it meant for her future…" He began to sob heavily, and everything he said next was occasionally interrupted by small fits of sobs, but was filled with so much emotion I felt like I was there.

"I ran to my parents and told them what happened, and they took pity of my pathetic self. They sacrificed everything-their hometown, house, friends, family, memories, everything-in suggesting that we move up here, to Toronto and away from Anastasia.

"I called her to tell her that I was leaving the area but would pay her child support, but all she did was cry. At first… I thought she was just regretting what she had done to push me away, out of the country. Then soon after, I found out what was truly wrong. The day I told her I was moving, she attempted suicide." He paused here, crying so hard I thought his lungs might collapse. He didn't say anything more for a while so I figured that was the end, and I got up to hug him and comfort him. He pushed me away and stood up to face the closed window.

"It turns out she failed and was in the hospital. Against my parent's wishes, I went to see her. Apparently, not only had she slit her wrists, but she had stabbed herself in the stomach, killing our child and destroying her reproductive system. She was in a coma, and she died in that coma… while I was there, by her side."

I sat there for a moment, absorbing all this information. All those things Leon had endured…!

(So that's why he was so hurt when Manabu went into that coma… because he didn't want him to die. He was scared.)

I didn't know what to say. What could you say to that? I couldn't really say 'thank you for telling me, bye now.' I stayed silent, but I feared that Leon might take offense to my silence. But what could I say!?

I heard Leon sniffling. He had moved down to the floor, balled up now, holding his knees tightly to his chest. His head was bowed into his legs, and he was slowly rocking back and forth, so rhythmically and so slowly. Unable to do anything else, I held him close to me, not caring if he tried to push me away. He didn't. Instead, he unfolded his arms from his chest and wrapped them around me, pulling me closer and burying his tear-streaked face in my powder-blue hoodie. He was shaking badly, his small cries getting louder and louder as he let all that pain out that he had been holding in for so long. It hurt me to see him in such a state, but it couldn't be helped-and anyway, I had brought it on.

I suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over me. Leon had said I might. I realized how horrible it must have been for him to have lived through that, and then retell it for a selfish boy like myself.

(I never wanted it to be something like this… I wanted it to be a simple problem, one that I could help solve. I'm not even sure this can be solved! All I can do is hug him and comfort him, but what he really needs is vocal comfort, and I can say nothing intelligent! What's wrong with me…? Why can't I help fix the one I love…?)

I merely hugged him tighter, burying my face in his sweetly scented hair. He was still crying, and my own heart breaking as the tears spilled from his beautiful gray eyes.

"It's my fault… that you are suffering a second time." I mused quietly, beginning to cry silently. Leon shifted and turned so I could see his face. I gasped, feeling even worse. His eyes were red and iced over with tears, stains from those tears showing evidently on his cheeks. His lips were trembling heavily, his complexion paled a bit. His hair was a little disheveled from when he had buried his face in my shirt.

"No, it's not your fault. This whole thing… started with me." He frowned, his eyes faraway. "If you trace back the line, it's all my fault. I was the one who seduced Anastasia, who pushed her into a relationship, so… it's my fault she killed herself and our child." He began to cry again, softly. I held him tighter still, pressing his face into my chest and stroking his hair gently.

"Candle, I… I don't deserve you…" He said quietly. I looked down at him with a peaceful smile on my face.

"You deserve everything in the world and more, Leon." I told him. My anger-which was never really anger in the first place-had dissipated long ago. Leon shook his head and looked at me, his eyes glinting with innocence and tears. Slowly, I bent my head down to kiss him, savoring that familiar taste of those lips I'd thought I'd lost forever. He kissed back deeply and let out a sigh, pulling me even closer. I came away from his lips and moved to the tears that were slowly rolling down his cheeks. I kissed the tears away, moving my hands to his hair and pushing myself closer to him.

"Candle…" He pulled away, gazing directly at me, those eyes filled with pain scanning my own. "Why aren't you mad anymore? After what I did to you… I messed up so many times in life… I deserve to die…"

"No you don't! Leon, you're being ridiculous! I don't like when you talk like that!" I kissed him again, hiding my own tears. He pulled away again, looking me directly in the eye, stronger this time.

"I… I'm so sorry. Now I know… that I can trust you." He closed his eyes, a few tears leaking out before they slowly opened again. "Candle… will you go out with me… again?"

I smiled softly, nodding. I would be back in those big, strong arms once again! I leapt into his arms, embracing him as if we had never parted.

"I love you…" I murmured before I kissed him again. This time, he didn't pull away, but pushed deeper into the kiss. He pulled our bodies closer still, so close that I felt myself pressed up against him in every place. I was blushing like mad while we were kissing. That single kiss became deeper and deeper until both our hands and our lips began to venture. Leon quickly moved to my neck, letting his hands move from my back to my hips. I jumped because the spot they had landed was a little uncomfortable, or rather, a little awkward. I couldn't help but moan a bit, but whether it was from pleasure or a protest even I didn't know. I felt him grasping me, fitting his palms neatly against my backside. I jumped a little in surprise, but settled back down when his kisses became more and more demanding. I was quickly consumed by his passion and I returned those quickly deepening kisses, moaning when his hands slid underneath my shirt, into territory I hadn't let anyone explore before. He seemed to sense my tension and moved slower, guiding me through the motions. They seemed simple enough to mimic, they were just physically demanding. I sighed pleasantly and let my hands roam to his chest, slowly following the curves and relishing them. I put my hands on the edge of his t-shirt and pulled up, watching with admiration as more and more of his sculpted chest. He put his arms up to help me get him out of his shirt, and he, in return, pulled off my shirt, though it was much faster and seemed much more lustful in movement than I had removed his. He pushed me lightly to the floor, kissing my lips and slowly making his way down my face to my neck and then down my bare chest. I moaned, arching my back just slightly as he placed his hands on my thighs and sat on his knees as he progressed lower. I felt myself shaking just slightly, as where he was headed had been touched by no one. As he continued to kiss down, he moved his hands from my thighs to my belt, undoing it and then my pants after that. He slowly slid them off and left me in my boxers. I shivered for a moment before he leaned over to whisper in my ear.

"You'll be warm in a moment." He said. His hot breath against my ear made me squirm with anticipation. It was strange, the sensation I felt as I heard and saw him lower his pants. Before I could even register the fact that his boxers were around his ankles, he had turned off the light and was atop me, kissing me. I felt his nudity against me and blushed, smiling strangely beneath his passionate kisses. I moaned very quietly when I felt his fingers on the edge of my boxers, and tensed up a bit, realizing what was happening. It finally registered that this was a man above me, a man with similar thoughts and interests and needs. This was a man making love to me! It was, while invigoratingly different, kind of sickening at the same time. I had been raised by my father, raised to know that girls were supposed to be in this position atop me. I was supposed to be normal…

"What's wrong?" I heard Leon ask. Through the very dim light that came from the window I saw his eyes glinting in what appeared to be amusement.

"Just… thinking." I answered.

"Only you could think while there's a hot, naked man atop you." He giggled. I blushed.

"I agree with the fact that you're naked, but who said you're hot?" I smiled playfully. He pretended to look hurt.

"What, you don't think I look hot? Look at me, I'm sweating and exhausted… it's got to be three hundred degrees in here!"

"Oh, you mean that kind of hot." I grinned. "Well in that case, yeah. You're hot."

"Hey…" He whined, pouting. "You don't think I'm hot?"

"No. I think you're absolutely adorable." I narrowed my eyes playfully and seductively when he still continued to pout. "And drop dead sexy."

At that, he grinned and jumped atop me, practically mauling my neck. I laughed-it tickled-and allowed him to kiss down my abdomen towards where the final remnant of my clothing began-my boxers. His kissed down further and further, pulling the elastic band down as his lips traced my thigh. I moaned and arched my back again, closing my eyes in sheer ecstasy when he moved his mouth a few inches to the left, to my partially exposed length, gone hard from his attention.

In moments, before I could blink, my boxers were off over my legs, discarded, and his mouth was over my length, working it. I moved along with his body, unsure of what else to do. As I said, this was new to me.

I felt something in my body kind of twitch. As the feeling grew closer to the surface, my eyes grew wider. I was going to come… in his mouth!

"L-Leon…" I tried to warn him. He looked up, but kept his mouth firmly where it was. "I… I'm going to come!"

With a brief shrug of those deliciously muscular shoulders, he pulled away and smiled.

"Doesn't matter." His voice was thick and husky from the sweat on my stiffened manliness, and it made my body shiver. He put his mouth around me again and this time, let his hands roam as well. I felt slightly awkward just lying here while he pleasured me, but I knew with time, I would be able to do this for him.

After somehow managing to hold back, I realized that I couldn't hold back any longer. I let the cum spill out into his mouth, shivering just slightly. I watched his expression, my own filled with horror I'm sure. The horror only grew when he looked up and smiled at me, all the while licking the remainder of the white liquid up. It disgusted me, but at the same time seemed appealing. Now, the ring of white around his mouth wasn't too appealing, but I would help clean that off. I leaped to his mouth and delved my tongue in, pressing our bodies tighter together, as tight as I could manage. He let his body fall atop mine, completely relying on my weight to keep him off the ground. I felt his hips grind against mine, and I felt his hardness press against me.

"Candle… are you ready?" He asked, going up on his hands to gaze down upon me.

"Ready for what?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly. I knew, of course, what he was talking about, but the prospect scared me. Would it hurt? I wasn't sure how he was going to do this-I was most certainly not equipped-so I couldn't help wondering if it would.

"For… the end." He said. I felt his hands-or, more correctly, his fingers-at the opening to my hole. I shivered and gripped his arm tightly.

"Will it hurt?" I asked, completely vulnerable. He shrugged, sighing.

"I'm… not sure." He admitted. "This is my first time with a guy…"

"But you seem so experienced!" I protested. He chuckled.

"…I'm treating you like a girl." He said slowly. "Honestly, I'm not really sure how to treat you any differently. …I'm sorry."

"It's fine. You're doing a… really good job!" I beamed at him, and he, in return, smiled back. It was a beautiful, heart-stopping smile that made me want him all over again.

He came down to rest on his elbows and reached over for a moment, pressed very lightly against me. He was sweating and breathing hard, and I was mirroring him. I wasn't sure why I was panting, I just was.

(It's got to be the excitement…)

Leon produced a bottle of lubricant. My eyes widened.

"What do you need that for? And where did it come from?" I asked. He sat back on his heels, smiling.

"You can't get wet like a girl can. So there's this." He wiggled the bottle.

"You just carry a bottle of sex gel with you!?" I screeched, slightly appalled.

"It's lotion, Candle…" He looked hurt that I assumed it was common for him to carry things like that around with him. "I wasn't expecting to do this… all I had in mind was apologizing. Do you really think I'm that shallow to carry something like sexual lubricant around with me because I wanted sex? I'm not that kind of person…" He shook his head slowly.

"I'm sorry." I sat up and put my hand to his cheek, cupping it. "I didn't mean… why do you carry lotion around with you?"

He chuckled lightly. "My hands dry out at the end of wintertime, so I have to carry lotion around. If I don't, they dry and crack and sometimes bleed, so…" He shrugged and I nodded.

"So… you need to… cover yourself in that so… it doesn't hurt?" I asked innocently. He nodded. "Is it scented?" I grinned and he laughed loudly.

"It's coconut scented, my dear Candle." He giggled, opening the bottle and then holding it to my nose. It was coconut, indeed. I smiled.

"Finished?" He asked when about thirty seconds had lapsed. I smiled and nodded, watching his lubricate his fingers. It was deliberately slow, and also painful by the look on his face. He was still hard, and still holding back. I suddenly felt horrible that I had drawn out a long conversation, for all the while he had been suffering.

I suddenly felt a finger inside me, wriggling around. I cried out at the amazingly excruciating pain, panting hard and moving my body around a bit. I saw Leon was looking down in concentration, trying to be careful. With his free hand he reached up to stroke my hair comfortingly.

"It's fine… tell me if it hurts any more, okay?" He said. I nodded, gritting my teeth against the pain. After a moment, he added another finger, stretching out my insides. I bit my lip and moaned softly.

Finally, he pulled his fingers out, leaving me feeling torn. I didn't particularly like this-I wasn't one for pain. I heard the sound of the lotion bottle being squeezed and I lifted my head up just enough to see Leon slathering his erection with that coconut-scented lotion. He saw me watching him and flashed me a reassuring smile.

"It'll be okay." He said softly, nodding. A wisp of his gorgeous honey blonde colored hair fell in front of his face. He blew it aside and gestured for me to lie back again. I did so, and a moment later Leon was atop me, smiling down like an angel. He was leaning back a little, trying to figure out how he was going to do this. Then, suddenly, he came inside me, slowly entering his entire length as gently as he could manage. I cried out and threw my hands to the living room carpet, digging my nails into it.

"Leon, holy shit!" I screamed, clawing at the beige carpet and arching my back in pain.

"Should I pull out?" He asked. His face was strained, and I realized that my body was constricting on him, squeezing him tightly. Since I was a virgin, I must have been quite tight.

"No… if you do, we'll… we'll never get used to it!" I cried, growling very softly. He nodded and pushed in harder, leaning on one hand-the previously lubricated one-and stroking my bare chest with the other.

"It'll be… fine." He said, smiling still. I was beginning to relax a bit even as he pushed in harder, and I felt some strange sense of feeling inside of me. As he began to push deeper and faster, it came over me further, a beautiful, exquisite feeling. It came and made me feel like I was floating. I was… in heaven!

"I… I love you so much…" I moaned, picking up my hands from the carpet and throwing them over Leon's back, pulling him a little closer. He smiled down again, his face still strained but not as much as before.

"I love you too…" He murmured dreamily, purring it in my ear before arching back and supporting himself on the floor with both hands now. He hissed and closed his eyes, shoving in harder until he had me literally screaming in ecstasy. This wasn't bad at all; I loved it! It seemed to bring us closer, for the amazing love and beauty held in those gorgeous gray eyes was unmistakable. He surely loved me. I definitely loved him.

Suddenly he cried out and lurched back, throwing his head back as well and letting out this strange sound, a cross between a painful scream and a pleasured scream.

"I… I'm coming!" He howled. Immediately I felt him let go, and his liquid squirted inside me. He shuddered almost violently and fell atop me after pulling out of my body. His head hit my abdomen softly and his beautiful hair fell into his face as he panted, still shaking. I sat up a bit, propped up on an elbow while the other hand stroked Leon's hair.

"That was…" He paused, thinking. He looked up and gazed lovingly into my eyes. "…amazing."

"It was." I agreed. "I've… never felt anything like that before." I lay back down, and a moment later Leon was lying next to me, his hand reaching for mine. I took it and we laced our fingers together.

"I'm glad I got to show you this…" He whispered, turning on his side to face me. I smiled, leaned over to kiss him, and threw one hand over his chest, curling comfortably up against him. He, in turn, curled up against me and kissed my cheek. I faintly remember his strong musk scent as I was whisked pleasantly away to dreamland.

Author's Notes: Another super long chapter for another super long wait! This is going to become a habit. -

I do not know when the next update will be. I've got other stories to work on, summer homework, and… ugh. I might put this on hold until the school year starts up again, or at least until I know when my writing has improved. For now, this poor story doesn't need any more of my bad writing!

So, until the next update, whenever that may be! (I don't even have a scope for the next chapter's contents… )