2Warning: M/M, Shounen-Ai. Don't like, don't read.
Disclaimer: Xedius belongs to me. Elias belongs to Blind Cat
Notes: Written long ago, just didn't feel like putting it here until now.
I Love You
Written by: S'cyre Lecareixz
Edited by: Blind Cat
Xedius had been five hundred miles away from home for more than a week now, nine days and eight nights to be exact. The past few days he had spent walking around streets and parks, or sitting down on a bench, thinking. He had spent the nights sleeping on benches or under trees with just a pair of jeans, a black shirt and a sweater.
Now he was left with nothing more but a few dollars, a pen and two pieces of folded paper that Xedius remembered leaving in his coat pocket a few weeks ago. He also carried a mobile phone that he turned off. He really did not doubt the fact that one of his brothers would surely try to contact him through it.
He didn't exactly resent the idea of talking to them, but he wanted to be alone.
He needed to be alone.
He sat on a bench in a street where the buildings consisted of houses and a convenience store. There were only one or two cars passing by each ten minutes or so. Apparently he stumbled upon a small and quiet town.
A rush of cold wind howled through the street, blowing away the fallen leaves of autumn and dust. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around himself, shuddering in the cold as the jacket wasn't enough and looked at the slightly overcast sky.
A rush of cold wind howled through the street, blowing away dust and the fallen leaves of autumn. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around himself, shuddering in the cold as the jacket wasn't enough.
He looked at the slightly overcast sky.
The boy was suddenly reminded of knowing there it would be warm with everyone talking and laughing…
He cast the thoughts away before the tears would fall and sighed shakily, bowing his head low and wiping the water from his eyes.
Part of him didn't want to go back, the other wanted to. But he knew if he did he wouldn't be able to stop crying once he saw him, Elias, the whole reason why he had fled home, why he just couldn't seem to get another one of his fake smiles back on his face anymore.
It had been so easy once, to shove his feelings aside and replace them with a smile. Just a smile and nothing more and it already made everyone think it was all okay.
Nothing was okay. Nothing was ever okay. But he deceived everyone to think it was, even to himself. He hid everything, the memories of years of rape, torture and maltreatment, the reminders of his drug abuse and suicide attempts and the lonely feeling of being lovelorn, all because everyone thought he was abnormal and strange.
It was too much, just too much. But he knew it would be all right if all he did was pretend it had never happened.
Bur it occurred to him every now and then, it was just something he wanted to believe in.
Like how he wanted to believe Elias loved him back.
The boy should have known from the start not to like him. From the very first time Xedius saw him until he finally gathered enough courage to tell Elias a fragment of how he really felt.
But nothing had quite changed, and Xedius grew more and more confused as the days passed.
Did Elias feel the same? Did he think it was just some silly crush or something?
He dared not to ask, which had to be his biggest mistake, but he was so afraid of being rejected again… he just couldn't…
So he went for a walk, just to clear up his mind, and it somehow ended up along the lines of running away…
The sky was darkening into a shade of gray mixed with orange, the light from the sun getting dimmer and dimmer with each passing minute.
The boy stood up, rubbing his arms for some heat. He began walking to the convenience store to buy a hot dog on a bun and hot chocolate. Now he only had enough money for a trip back home.
Question was, should he?
Xedius made his way out of the store and saw that nightfall had already taken place, and the streets were emptier with only a few lampposts to keep the dark away.
He wandered the streets idly, looking up the diamond-studded heavens and clutching his mobile phone. He really did miss home already.
The boy stopped in front of yet another bench and looked at his phone, turning it on for the first time since he left.
Contrary to what he expected, there was no call.
They probably realized I turned it off by now, he reasoned with himself. They must be worried…
And he decided, rising from his seat with a bounce as he walked down the street to the bus stop.
Once on the bus, he sat himself in the middle of the vehicle near the window, peering out of the glass silently.
What would he tell everyone when he got home? What would Elias say?
Elias again… Xedius' expression grew into a melancholic one. How could he possibly tell him how he felt? Maybe he'd get truly rejected once and for all, but then again maybe it would turn out well…
But how would he know if he never even said a word?
The boy sighed, maybe if he wrote everything he wanted to say in a letter…
Realizing that he did have a pen and a paper, he smiled to himself and took them out of his pocket. He folded his knees up to use his lap as a table and began writing each and every single thing he had always wanted to say. How he felt for him ever since he saw him, how he felt now and why he had apparently "run away", an apology if he seemed to selfish and those three words that Xedius prayed and hoped so much Elias would return after he read the letter.
It brought the boy to tears just picturing the thought in his mind.
But he never made it home alive.
The bus driver lost control of the brakes as they went down a mountain path. Soon they were going too fast for the driver to even steer, sending the bus crashing through the railing and tumbling down the slope.
All sixteen passengers were found dead the following morning.
Xedius was among the last to be found and taken out. He had been crushed between the roof of the bus which had been pounded flat by the impact, and the chair sandwiching him to it, his bones broken, suffocating and bleeding to death.
When his corpse was finally taken out, the boy was hardly recognizable, but he still held the letter tightly in his hand.
The letter reached Elias eventually, blood soaked and crumpled, yet somehow still readable…
And if only Xedius could listen to it now coming from his beloved, those three simple words that he had wanted so much to hear…
"I love you."