About a broken heart. Yes I know, dramatic. After breaking up. I really love him.
I am a victim of rape.
You held me (after)-I remember. You didn't mean too, you said. You were sorry. And I cried there; feeling violated in your arms. Trapped.
And I remember. The warmth of your exhale, its heavy wind that blew away your attempt at sympathy (any empty attempt at meaningful apology); somewhere a struggle to exert force from your diaphram. It's barely a whisper but I know you're struggling to speak louder. You want to sound like you mean it. All I get is a chill. I am left confused by the fog that forms. I shake as a leaf from the tree of solitude (where our initials are carved and I stand alone in the shadow of memory). I am taken...away by your lack of pull. Pull me away from the pain. Take me away from it.
You could bring me no comfort.
I am your prisoner. In your arms I want to feel loved. But I am wrong for this and I have put myself there. I pace the cage. I grab the bars. I want to leave; I prye open your fingers.
What is this slop you feed me? You push your words to the floor because they have no weight. You won't open the door. You will never look me in the face. You can't even hand me the plate. Do you really think this will pacify the hunger pains?
I am so starved for attention. Affection. No, don't touch me. Haven't you done enough?
I try to swallow your words but they leave a bad taste in my mouth. They are like acid and burn holes in my stomache.
You are a wave of nausea. You are a legion of butterflies; quiet and nervous at my naval. You were trying to free yoruself from my worry. No, don't trouble yourself. Leave me be.
I mean, afterall, I did consent. I let you enter me. You said it wouldn't hurt. You promised me it'd feel good. The more I let you become part of me, the more self I gave. And the more it hurt. Deeper, deeper and deeper. You touched my soul. You scarred me. You looked me in the face then (after). ButI couldn't bare to look at you then. Not after. Not after...being so open-so naked to you. I felt so violated; so exploited. I was open to you and now I am closed within myself. You said it was fun. Enjoy the ride?
I have been to beguiled by trust. I have believed too much in faith.I have lost myself to you.
I am a victim of your love. I am the sufferer of a BROKEN HEART!
My emotions came from me. Forced by love to still love when I should go on. How can I move from the past when I don't want to see ahead?
I did not want this...no...no...no...