Chapter One

- 8 years later

He was running again, away from all the thoughts and emotions flowing through his racing mind. He could not take it anymore; he did not understand what he was feeling. It was like he was struggling so much with what both his heart and mind wanted, fighting to be both normal and be himself at the same time. It was impossible to be both though, and he knew it. To him, each day was a struggle to live up to everyone else's standards, while living up to his own as well. He hated it, how nothing was every black or white. It was always in between; a gray.

Slightly out of breath with aching legs, he stumbled, causing himself to trip and fall. 'that hurt,' he thought to himself as he stood back up, brushing the sand off of him. He began running again, ignoring the agonizing pain from his ankle.

"This just keeps getting better and better," the teen muttered sarcastically. He looked down to see that there was a cut running across his leg, most likely from the earlier fall. He reconsidered his decision to run and instead, began to slow down into a walk. With his bare feet touching the sand lightly, he began to relax and finally took notice that he was at the beach. Sighing softly, he looked across the water to see the waves reflect with light from the moon. 'Good,' he thought, 'I will be able to find my way back before anyone realizes I am gone.' He stopped where he was, smiling slightly, 'This is the one place I can actually go, to be at peace with the thoughts of both others and myself…'

"I don't belong here and I know it," he called out to nobody, looking up at the sky, '…I just know it.' He looked down at the ground angrily as he kicked the sand around with his foot, sending bits and pieces flying in all different directions. Looking slightly to his left in the sand, he noticed a large puddle of water. Looking into it, he could see the reflection of himself, with the moon casting light on his pale face.

With the reflection, he could see nothing extraordinary, just himself. He had mousy brown hair and dull gray eyes. His skin was a sickly pale and he looked like skin and bones. His face showed no emotion, except emptiness.

While starting to move away, a shimmer in the water caught his attention. Glancing down, he realized it was only his necklace. It was exquisite, made of rare rocks and shells that were shaped into creative twists and curves. It was the only memory he had of his father. The necklace was left for him and he did not even remember why. All he was certain of was that his father left shortly afterwards. Mad at both his father and himself, he pulled the necklace off his neck and got ready to chuck it into the ocean.

Suddenly he was pushed back onto the ground by a strong gust of air. Sputtering out sand, he yelled out at the wind, "What the hell did I do to deserve that?!" He waited for a response, a wisp of hope encircling him. No answer came. Sighing, he laid back looking up at the night sky. Resting his arms behind his head, he began thinking of what happened earlier that day and what had led him to run in the first place. Closing his eyes, he recollected the memories from the moment he woke up until now…

/Flashback/

"Get out of the bathroom Cain!" his brother yelled angrily, "You have been in there for a good twenty minutes at least!" Just barely eighteen and a senior at West County High, his brother kicked the bathroom door impatiently.

"Dammit Chade! Can't a guy have some time to—"

He was cut off by Chade violently kicking the door down and letting it crash down to the floor next him.

"Now you listen here, you little runt! What are you doing that it takes you this long in a bathroom?" Chade smirked when he noticed Cain's flustered state, his eyes slowly traveling around to see what Cain was hiding behind his back.

"Well… you see…"

Out of the corner of his eye, Chade noticed a piece of cloth next to Cain's right hand, sitting on the countertop. Suddenly he burst out laughing, picking up the rag and dropping it to the floor. Reaching out, he grabbed the necklace that was hiding behind Cain's back, and brought it between them, waving it in front of Cain's face. He tried to contain the rest of his laughter, amused at how red his little brother's face was turning from annoyance and anger.

"Are you cleaning this piece of junk again?!"

Cain glared at Chade, grabbing the necklace from him and picking up the rag.

"It is not junk, but a gift from dad. It is important and he probably wanted me to take good care of it. Now leave me be and let me finish." He pushed his older brother back towards the doorway, but was instantly down on the ground with Chade's foot on top of him to hold him still.

"Yeah well, father wasn't worth much either. Why else would he leave us?"

Cain, trying to get up, kicked what was left of the door with his foot. Chade did not even notice as he continued, his anger building, "He left our family to defend for ourselves. He left us with no money and a piece-of-shit mother to deal with."

Cain shot a look of anger up at his brother, and started to defend their father, "You don't know why he left us—" He was interrupted by Chade smashing his fist against the wall, creating a loud noise enough to wake up the entire house if people were actually asleep.

"What the hell are you two doing up there!?" their mother yelled, coming to the foot of the staircase.

"Nothing mother," Chade called out, hesitating, "Nothing bad happened at all."

Cain pushed his brother's foot away and got up, glaring at him and grumbling under his breath, the past fight forgotten for a moment.

"Look at what you did now," he shot out, "Now mother knows that we are up to no good."

"No, that isn't true," Chade stated, defending himself. Just then they both heard a pair of angry footsteps coming up the stairs. In seconds, both boys tried clearing as much evidence as possible.

Just seconds after, their mother walked the rest of the way towards the bathroom and looked in, seeing the door on the floor in front of her. There were pieces of wood scattered about the bathroom. She looked around and then brought her head up to meet the faces of her two sons. Glaring at them, she was about to say something when Chade cut in.

"It's not what you think," he started, "It just happened to—"

"To fall? All on its own?" she spat out, "I've lived long enough with these pointless fights. You pathetic nimbuses. I spent a fortune on getting matching antique doors. And then look at what happens! I swear, you two are getting more and more like your father ever—"

Cain suddenly shot a look out at his mother, before stopping her with, "Okay, okay. We get it mother. We are sorry." He looked over at Chade, and punched his side discretely. Chade glared at Cain, and then his eyes lit up with realization.

"Oh yeah, we're truly sorry. We'll clean up." They both nodded at the same time, keeping their heads lowered, as if in shame. Their mother rolled her eyes and left the bathroom to go downstairs, muttering to herself.

Both sighing and forgetting the earlier fight, Cain and Chade began cleaning up the pieces of wood. Cain grabbed the wastebasket from its spot next to the bathroom counter, while Chade scooped up the pieces into his hands, dumping them. They both lifted what was left of the door back up, placing it against the wall. Then Chade left to get ready for school, leaving Cain alone in the bathroom. Sighing, he put on his necklace.

Both Cain and Chade knew when to stop a fight, especially when their mother brought up their father. They were ashamed of both their parents and rarely spoke about them to their friends. Their mother was an alcoholic who had a minimum wage job as a cashier at the local food store. She was just barely over five feet; making her shorter than her two sons. Her fiery red hair matched Chade's. Both of their small, beady eyes were hazel. Just thirty-four, she had her first child at the age of sixteen, which was a result of her first drinking party. Her family disowned her, pretending they never knew a Lyrah. Eventually she married when she was eighteen, but only for money and a place to live. He was Cain's father and what Chade also refers to as his father. And then of course, their father left; no note, no reason. They never really knew the man. Cain and Chade were left to survive with a mother who never really paid attention to them.

Sighing quietly, Cain left the bathroom to head downstairs for another boring day at school. But then again, things never turn out the way you expect it to.

They both arrived to school a little late. Shortly after their mother dropped them off, they went off in different directions, to their different cliques. Chade went to hang out with his football buddies while Cain went to find his friend Holden. He found him by a big tree in the school courtyard.

"Hey Holden!" Cain called out, waving to his friend. Holden pushed his glasses back up his nose and glanced up, smiling slightly.

"Hey."

Cain went over to sit down next to Holden. Glancing down at Holden's rock collection, he raised an eyebrow curiously.

"What's this rock called? It looks new"

Holden nodded and picked up the rock, examining it closely. "Yeah, it is new. I found it outside the beach grounds a few days ago. I am not sure what it is called though. In fact, I have never seen anything like this in my life, except once."

Cain looked closer and realized that his friend was correct. It was an unusual rock, one that he's only seen once in his life as well.

"It's the same rock from my necklace," Cain replied softly, still looking at the rock in Holden's hand.

"Are you sure your necklace doesn't have any historical background? Or any interesting information about it? Anything?"

Cain sighed, shaking his head as he replied, "I've told you before Holden, I know nothing. My father left it for me the night he left, on top of a book that he used to write in all the time."

"What was in the book?" Holden asked, placing the rock delicately back into its special container.

"I don't know. It wasn't in English, but some language made of all symbols. It was something that I've never seen before in my life, except then."

Their discussion was stopped short by one of their classmates, Toshi, who was coming over to the two boys.

"Hey," she called out nervously, stopping in front of them. Cain glanced up while Holden was still looking at his rock collection, not noticing her arrival. "Can I talk to you for a moment Cain?" she asked.

"Of course."

"…Alone?" Cain nodded and got up, following after Toshi, both of them stopping near a bench. Toshi sat down, leaving Cain standing.

Cain looked at her, the heat rising in his face. She just broke up recently with his brother's best friend. He didn't get why though. She was beautiful; her long black hair seemed so perfect with the sunlight shining off it, making he seem like she was radiating. Her flawless skin looked so smooth and her warm brown eyes showed she cared for everyone and loved life. She was perfect and yet, Cain didn't get why Chade's friend dumped her for some whore. Why didn't he like her? Hell, why didn't he like her?

He wasn't exactly sure what she wanted to talk to him about, but he was hoping it was along the lines of, 'Want to go to the Winter Formal with me next week?', or something along those lines. Then he could go to a dance for once and appear normal. The only person who knew of his secret was Holden, or so he assumed. Clearing his throat, Cain started the conversation.

"So are you going to the dance with anyone?" he asked. Toshi sighed, glancing up at Cain sympathetically.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I know you wanted to go to the dance with me Cain, even as friends. And that's fine with me—"

"Wait, so you'll go with me?"

"I can't Cain. I'm sorry, but someone told me why you actually wanted to go out with me. You wanted to use me to make this guy you like jealous. Am I right?"

Cain stared at Toshi, a look of both shock and fear on his face. "Wait…what?"

She tilted her head slightly, standing up. It's been going around that you're gay. You know, you liking a guy. What I came to talk to you about was, are you? Or are you not?"

Cain was speechless. He had no idea who told Toshi that. Just as he was about to open his mouth, the bell rang.

"I've got to go Cain, we'll talk later."

Toshi got up, grabbing her bag. Turning around she left, heading back towards the school. Cain sat down on the bench and placed his face in his hands, groaning. At the moment, being late for class wasn't the worst thing.

The day passed slowly for Cain. No one would talk to him; everyone just stared or pointed at him behind his back. Holden was not there to help him out, since he went home earlier. Cain was left to defend himself on his own. Each time he passed one of his brother's football friends in the hall, they would laugh at him and make jokes about which guy he wanted to have sex with. Basically, his high school life was ruined for the next three and a half years.

Lunch was probably the worst. He sat alone at a table and noticed half of the people in the cafeteria were whispering and pointing at him occasionally. Grumbling to himself, he picked up his sandwich to take a bite. Then he noticed Toshi walking across the room.

Just as he was about to get up and talk to her, he noticed where she was heading; the football table. He watched as she sat down next to his brother, laughing at something he just said. His arm was around her waist.

Cain just got up and left the cafeteria. He couldn't take it anymore.

At the end of the day, Cain went to find his mother's car in the mess of traffic near the school. He got in the back, noticing Chade sitting in the front instead of being at football practice. He was guessing that it was cancelled. Their mother took off toward the house, everyone silent on the car ride home.

When they got home, both brothers shut themselves into their rooms until it was time for dinner. A while later they were called down to eat. The three of them took their places at the table and ate in silence. Halfway through the meal, Chade started talking.

"You know mother, there was an interesting rumor going around school today."

Cain glanced up from his food, a look of worry across his face. Their mother looked up at Chade, not really caring.

"Oh? What about?"

"It was about Cain, actually. Rumor is, Cain's gay."

Cain shot up from his chair and glared at his brother.

"Did you start this rumor? Did you?!" he asked. His brother just smirked and continued eating. Their mother stood up, picking up her plate to bring it to the kitchen.

"It was bound to happen sooner or later," she stated, "After all, your father was most likely gay too."

After that last comment, Cain fled the room, upset. He left the house and headed for the beach nearby, where he usually walked to when he was upset. Except this time he ran…