Hi there, just trying a little experiment. Wanted to see if I could do a one-shot that was completely dialogue (and slash!) and be descriptive enough that the reader gets the physical actions and can follow who's speaking when. I think I succeeded, but tell me what you think. It was a quick write, but it came out pretty good. I know other people have done this whole talk-only scene/romance thing before, but it wasn't meant as a rip-off, only a challenge to undertake. Hope everyone had a nice holiday and thank you for reading this story!


"It's frickin' ridiculous."


"The way you stare at him."

"I'm not staring at anybody!"

"Ok, leering then. Ogling? Do you prefer ogling?"

"I'm not ogling anybody, asshole. Just leave it alone."

"You know, your nose will grow if you tell stories like that."

"Shut up! Don't you have somewhere else to be right now? Like, I don't know…Class?"

"Class? What's that? I have no idea what is this 'class' of which you speak. You didn't tell me you started a foreign language! I'm so proud of my little boy!"

"You're a jerk, Noah. I'm leaving. Goodbye, walking away now!"

"Wait! Jesse! Hold on, I was just teasing you. You have to not be so obvious when you look at him though, because seriously, even I can tell you like him and my sister's always telling me how dense I am."

"You are dense. I'm going to class now."

"Jesse! Really, man, you want to be careful with him. Andy and his friends aren't as understanding and open-minded as I am, am I right?"


"Yeah, I am. I'm just watching out for you, man. Last thing you need is the whole soccer team waiting for you when you go home at night."

"I appreciate your concern, Noah, but I wasn't staring at him-anybody! I never should have told you about that. Now you're going to be trying to hook me up with every single guy we see."

"Jesse, get real! I can see the look in your eyes! It's all over your face! Hell, I'm straight and I'd do him! I'm secure enough in my masculinity to admit he's a hot bastard! Don't deny yourself, but don't broadcast it either!"

"I'm not interested in Andy, and can we please have this conversation another time? Everyone's already in class and we're going to get caught hanging out in the hallway. I've had enough detentions this year, thanks to you."

"Well, Denial Boy, if you weren't staring at Andy, what were you staring at?"


"Eh? What's that? I can't hear you, Jesse, say it again?"

"I didn't say anything! I wasn't staring at anything! Can you please just drop it?"

"I wouldn't be me if I didn't give you a teensy bit of hell on a daily basis! You need your daily Noah intake to stay regular. You love it, now spill."

"What do you care anyway? I know it freaks you out a little still to know I like guys, no matter how open-minded you claim to be."

"So, you admit you like him then?"

"NO! For Christ's sake, I'm not interested in Andy Watson! I was zoning out. That's it! That's the whole big secret!"

"Well, you don't have to get so huffy, Mr. Hamilton. What were you zoning out over? Or, should I say who?"




"You're blushing! There IS somebody! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!"

"Stop singing, asshole, we're going to get caught! And there isn't anybody, so shut it."

"Then why won't you look me in the eye, Jesse?"


"Look me in the eye, damn it. Tell me you don't like anybody that way and I'll believe you."

"Why do you care?"

"Why are you answering a question with a question?"

"You know, I hate it when people say that. We're not on Law and Order, I'm not a hostile witness."

"You are as of now. Answer me, tell me that you don't like anyone that way and I'll drop it."

"Just drop it now. Why do you care so much? You sound almost jealous."



"Shut up. I'm just curious is all."

"No, I think I'm on to something here. Don't walk away from me! I'm asking the questions now. Stand still!"

"That's not nice, Jesse. I bruise easy, remember?"

"Big baby. Can dish it out but can't take it?"

"Oh, from Law and Order to Iron Chef?"

"Avoidance is a sin in its own right."


"Like omission, you know? Lying, Ten Commandments, sin of omission? Ring a bell? Avoidance should be considered a sin as well."

"Wow, you actually paid attention in CCD?"


"Am not!"

"Yeah you are, I've seen the porn under your bed."

"I only shared that when I thought you were straight."

"Well, I enjoyed half of it."

"Wow, that was a dirty laugh, Jesse. I didn't know you had it in you."

"Stop avoiding the issue, Noah. Why do you care who I have a crush on? It's not like it'll come to anything around here. This town isn't exactly the right climate for high school gay boy love."

"I just don't want to see you get hurt, man. I see how it is around here, too. I don't want my best friend getting beat up for having a crush on a jock."

"So you want to save me some pain?"

"Yeah, exactly."

"You can't save me from everything, Noah. I thought you figured that out when my Dad left."

"Yeah, that sucked. But, hey…At least I can do what I can in this situation. You mean a lot to me, buddy."

"Are you going to hug me? I thought you weren't into that?"



"Is it Andy?"

"No. Seriously, stop asking me that. I don't like him like that."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, quite sure. I'm not going to talk about my unrequited love here."

"AHA! So, you do admit to a crush! WHO?"

"Forget I said anything. Let's go hide in the band room until next period before we get caught, ok?"

"Fine. You'll tell me then?"


"Why not? I'm your best friend!"


"Huh? What'd you say?"


"You're being unreasonably difficult."

"Can you be quiet for ten seconds please? I don't want Mr. Hammer to hear us sneaking into the practice room."

"Zipping the lips, Boss."

"Turn the light on, Noah, it's too dark in here."

"Oh, I think it's just the right brightness for confessions of love, don't you?"


"Did you just squeak?"

"No! Men do not squeak. I think I just sat on something nasty, though."

"Crap, I think that was my lunch bag."

"Dude, sorry about that. You can share mine if it's too bad."

"Hehehe, just like third grade again."

"I'll trade my carrot sticks for your pudding."

"No way, man, the pudding's a sacred thing."

"See? Heathen. I was right."

"Hey, did you know back then that you liked guys? Or was it like a sudden thing?"

"Um…I'd say a fairly recent development. Why?"

"How recent?"

"Uh, eighth grade, I think."

"Never happens like that in the movies, eh?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, hehe, it's like the gay boy goes after the straight best friend and kisses him and 'Wow, I must be gay, too! Let's fall in love!'"

"Funny, in the very few gay movies I've seen, it's more like the gay boy kisses the best friend, gets beaten to a pulp, and people have a memorial vigil."

"Yeah…people are idiots."


"I can see why you wouldn't want to share it around school. It's got to be tough for you, Jesse. Hard enough when a boy wants a girl, right? Gotta be even more difficult for you."

"Yep. Sucks to be me."

"Or no sucking, to be precise."


"Sorry, couldn't resist! I wish I could see your face right now. You're probably horrified!"

"Not exactly."

"Jesse! I can hear the dirty thoughts going a mile a minute! Do you smell smoke?"

"That was so funny I forgot to laugh."

"HA! I haven't heard that one in ages! Remember 'I know you are but what am I'?"

"Ah, yes, another classic from the vault."

"Hey, Jesse?"

"Hey, Noah?"

"Did you ever see the gay movie where the straight best friend kisses the gay boy and things go right?"

"Huh? What are you-mmphh-'"


"What the hell was that?!"

"Um, well…it seems that you and I have a bit more in common that we thought."


"You're the one being dense now, Jesse."

"What? I…uh…What?"

"Let me tell you again."

"Mmmmphh…hmm…Oh. Noah!"

"See what I'm telling you?"

"Not sure. Tell me one more time?"


"Gay boy."

"Back atcha."

"Um, so about broadcasting this…?"

"Up to you, Jesse. Can we, like, date now, and make out and stuff?"

"You're awfully sure of yourself. What if the gay boy had decided to beat the straight best friend to a pulp?"

"I've seen you checking me out before."

"Have not!"


"I…I…grr. Okay, maybe you're not that dense after all."

"Oh, the compliments go to my head!"

"But, did you really think I was into Andy Watson? I mean, he's hot but…ew. No personality."

"Well, I was a little jealous. Maybe. A tiny bit. I just had to make sure before I said anything."

"So, it was all a buildup?"


"Just making sure."

"You know, we've got another twenty minutes before Trig…"

"Don't you think we might want to talk a little more about this sudden revelation of hormones?"

"Oh, Jesse…so practical as always."

"I gotta be me."

"It's one of the things I've always liked about you."

"Always? How long have you been thinking about this?"



"Well…hehe…about a year now."


"Yeah, I just…didn't know about you and then the whole sexual identity thing and small towns and gay movies and well, you see what I'm saying."

"Wow. I had no idea."

"Yeah, I'm not the only dense one."

"We make a good pair, then."

"The best."

"Don't get too mushy on me now. I like your idiotic high school boy macho stylin's."

"Don't say 'stylin's'."


"The best."

"You bet."

"Boys, what are you doing in here? In the dark?"

"Hi, Mr. Hammer! We were just um…"

"Meditating. It's for our yoga elective."

"Exactly! Meditating. Jesse was having some problems with his chakra."

"That's nice, Mr. Williams. You boys better get on to your next class now before the principal sees you."

"Bye, Mr. Hammer, we'll be going now!"

"Uh huh, goodbye, boys."


"Shut it."



"I love it when you talk dirty."


"Oink oink, baby."

"Comin' to my house this afternoon?"

"You bet. I'll bring the pudding."

"Stop turning me on."

"Is it really that easy? Because I can go to Costco and get a whole case."

"Goodbye, Noah. Going to class now. Walking away now."

"Mm. Pudding."

"Stop drooling."

"Can't help it. I lurves the pudding!"


"You love it."

"Shut up."

"See you after class?"


"Bye, puddin'!"

"Don't call me that."

"Ok, muffin."

"That's better."


"And don't you forget it."


"I can't believe I get to kiss you now!"

"Me either. Get to class."

"Ooh, so forceful, Jesse! I love it."

"Goodbye, Noah. See you after class! Walking away now."

"Bye, Muffin! I'll bring the pudding!"


"I'll even share. Jesse? Hey, Jess? Come back, I'm still trying this flirting thing! Jesse? Muffin? Jess? J? Dude? Humph. How anti-climactic."

"Get to class, Mr. Williams! No loitering in the halls or you'll get another detention with Ms. Harris this afternoon."

"Moving right along, sir. Moving right along."

"And stop grinning like an idiot, Mr. Williams."

"Aye aye."

"NOW, Mr. Williams!"

"Going, walking away now!"

"Damn kids."