Family Affairs

Blood of my veins?
Then I'll just fucking bleed away.
House for my soul?
I'll just burn down the walls.
School of my thoughts?
Ignorance is my bliss.

Maybe you never meant harm
but you'll feel more than pain
when I forget all my charm.
The laughter we shared
is now a despiseful stare.
A regret of things you did
and all I left undone.

A relationship involves trust,
and I never trusted myself around you.
You taught me that pretty people rule,
did you know how distant you make me feel?

I stupidly followed your game,
now I'm wearing headphones
and your lips mimick a different song.
"Sit back and relax"
The breeze reminds me how I am
missing a lovely embrace.

We both assumed,
you never asked, I never said,
never cried.
I don't know if you feel pity
or hate.
Maybe just too much indifference.

So this is the most dreadful day,
when I know I'm a zero to the left.
Everyone gathered in good will,
but none of it towards me.
All I want to do is sleep,
so the clock mourns faster.
I feel everything I'm not,
and all I am too.
I'm vulnerable, see through,
and you don't even know me.

As a New Year starts,
I just wonder if the next will be the same.
As we're hugging each other,
welcoming the future,
some avoid my embrace.
but they don't realize it.

Next year will be the same.

This year, making a wish,
I picked my most desired:
I wish, that next year,
I'll be with the ones I love,
and where I feel like me.