.::I quit::.

In spite of what I thought when I was fifteen,
saying goodbye to what has become the bane of my life.
Nothing good could come of this,
as opposed to holding that knife.

In view of finance and health,
watching the demise of those around me.
Learning from others mistakes,
being harder than what I could see.

Refusing to say goodbye to those I love,
because I thought I could tempt fate.
Hoping I haven't gone too far,
hoping I haven't left it too late.


I write this at quater past 3 in the morning. I always said I'd quit smoking, I've done so several times. But I used the excuse of going out, or alcohol to have another smoke, or buy another packet when I'm wasted. But it has to come to an end. With my lungs defunct, it's not my health directly which concerns me too much. I know I'll grow up and find someone I love, and form a family I'll love more than I can comprehend, as reflected in the last verse, I refuse to have to say goodbye to them because of a decision I made when I was 15. I can't have them have to say goodbye to me cause of an addiction. They don't deserve that. Let's just hope it isn't too late. Let's hope I still do have a future.