When Ory and Belle returned to camp the following morning, their loyal companions didn't question them about their night together. They didn't even mention the yards of cl

oth wrapped around Ory's head. Instead, Sage Mentor dramatically pulled a humongous sword from his cloak.

"This may be a scene directly plagiarized from the Return of the King movie, but who cares!" Sage said. "I give to you this magical sword which belonged to your predecessor. It has magical properties that only you, my son, can use."

"Wow, thanks dude!" He pulled from its scabbard and swung it, endangering low flying dragons.

"Who's the babe?" asked Pet, being comic relief.

"Hi, I'm Bellebalistics Maide, but Ory can call me Belle because he's speshul and he has a big sword."

"Alright Belbal… blebla…statistics?" said Sage Mentor.

Pet interrupted Sage to correct him. "It's Belly-ball's ticks."

"Eww!" yelled Belle. "How dare you mutilate my name so! My name is Bellebalistics- belle for beauty, ballistics for being one helluva a bombshell of beautiful Maiden! Never forget my name you idiots!"

"Alright, Bell-ball-sticks!"

"I understand you perfectly, Blah-blah-bricks."

Oreh scowled. "I thought you were good at comic relief," he mumbled. "I must apologize for their behavior, my jaw-droppingly gorgeous lady!"

Amidst this merriment, a hidden watcher was watching because that's what a watcher does. The watcher watched very carefully, and gave a signal when Sage sat down on the ground to laugh. Suddenly poison darts came from everywhere and conveniently killed all of the annoying sidekicks. Ory ran to Sage's side as he lay dying.

"Go on… without… me."

"Oh no, but I couldn't! We've known each other for such a short time!"

"Go get 'em tiger." With that, Sageriatric Mentor collapsed.

Dramatically wiping a tear away, then a few more for his companions, Oreh Cigart set off for the dark and evil tower. These assailants weren't much smarter than the robbers, and left direct tracts to their hideout.

As Oreh came around a turn in the path, he saw a dark and evil tower right in front of him. This was it! He ran through the doors (luckily they weren't locked) and found himself in a huge dark room. The doors slammed shut on the command of dramatic tension. Now the only light in the room was coming from a stain glass window somewhere near the roof. The thin shafts of light made a design that could be clearly be understood now, though not by Oreh, try as he might. The symbol of the enemy was not CIGOL but LOGIC.

Oreh brandished his mighty sword, dramatically waiting for the dark and evil lord to come forth.

"Glad to see you could make it," said the dark and evil lord. "I'm not very proud of you. Any halfway logical character would have realized my identity immediately and committed suicide then and there."

"What do you mean? Are you my father?"

"No, thankfully." The dark and evil lord stepped into the light, and lifted his hood.

"Sage Mentor? I thought you died!"

"You should have realized from the start that I was a LOGIC Agent. No character should ever get away with insulting you in your little world. You tried to sidestep logic so much that you sidestepped your own, therefore falling victim to mine."

"NO0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0!" Ory wailed as logic started to leak into his thinking. "You lie!" Ory posed with his incredibly long sword and flexed his muscles.

"Truly? Let us see." Sage pulled out a rapier.

"Ha! Your sword is smaller than mine!"

"Ah, but it's how you use it that counts."

Ory charged, roaring passionately, but Sage sidestepped the clumsy weapon and easily dealt a crushing blow to the unarmored protagonist. The stain glass window shattered, and the land of Fantasticallidismulia became the fresh canvas for another author who would hopefully be more successful when painting it.


LOGIC flashed blue, and the old man appeared on top of the memo. He took off his hat and set down his briefcase. The intercom sparked to life and a dreary, sleep deprived voice announced the beginning of the coffee break and that coworker Carolyn had brought home baked brownies and brightly colored dunce hats to celebrate her birthday. The old man looked at the novel on his desk and picked it up. "My love, you wouldn't believe where I was," he whispered as he buried his nose in its pages.