A/N: all right, one more of this and away i go. i promise. since this will be my last contribution, i think i'll go for real angsty this time. gosh, i hope i won't get carried away by the old anger/hatred i'll have to summon to write this one. yeah, and i wouldn't call this a poem, really. what the heck: this is a rambling rant with no real point, possibly the most autobiographical of anything i have up here. this will explain my attitude towards suicidal people.

hey you, dead guy,

ZONG.

that was the explosion i heard when you pulled that trigger. every time it replays and replays inside my head, the noise is like a bad introductory background music to an equally ugly scene. you fall to the ground with a seizure, fresh blood flowing out of your chest, as everyone turns to look and crowds around you inquiringly, treating you like an object of attraction. someone attempts a resuscitation, another calls 911, and another vomits. when the ambulance arrives, we know you're already lost, but we lie to one another saying you'll be okay.

you always said to live life to the fullest, to cheer up, and everything will be all right. when i felt down, i used to think of you and feel ashamed for not having half of your optimism. but i see now that you were true to your mottos only as long as the trouble was not yours. when a real emotional pain attacked you, you could not handle it and took the easy way out. you had accomplished many things before, but you just flunked the first test of life. you wasted a privilege many people do not have simply because a puppy love was coming to an end.

you had loving parents who had hopes through you. you had a little brother who looked up to you. did you think about their disappointment and their feelings, or were you too busy feeling sorry for yourself? did you also know that you stole the tears we were saving for graduation and scarred us with your selfishness?

there was a stain on this ground you once lay on, but rain had washed it away. i stand here and try to feel an invisible piece of you that is still left, seemingly in vain. if your soul is still lingering, if you are watching, guide me to where that piece is. with my foot i will crush the last of you into nothingness. just be gone. i will build new memories, and one day i'll forget you were ever born. we all will.