So it is official. I am a screw up. Always rushing into situations that I know could never actually work out. Why do I always convince myself that everything will be okay when I know it never will be. Nothing will ever work out the way I expect it to. Nothing will ever be the way I want it to be. Maybe it's just a fact of life. I'm one of those people who keeps falling and never truly gets back up. It's impossible for me to awaken from this nightmare people refer to my life. It hurts so much it's hard to imagine its real. This hurts too much. I'm losing everything and everyone I love. It's driving me insane. I can't keep back the tears any longer. I can't sleep because dreams relive the horrible times I've spent here. Arguments replay in my head over and over. I almost think it would be easier if I had never met any one of these people. How did I not see it coming? I can't forgive myself. No matter how hard I try, I can't. I'm scared of myself. I'm literally scared of my actions and their consequences. I'm scared to do anything that could turn out bad, or say anything that could be taken wrong. I'm terrified of everything. I'm lonely. I need to know that someone is here for me. My loneliness is eating me alive, and I can't make it stop. There's no cure to self hate. There's no bandage for self destruction.