silence

this silence stretches, expectant, poignant, full of pause (and effect)
as the anticipation of the next moment fills the world with breaths held too long,
and heads dizzy with excitement at the prospect of the future
and the calm before the storm's got nothing on the static that fills my ears in this moment

and with a shock of things gone wrong, the world goes on its way, as if it had never
joined with us two in that second, and we are the only people alive and oh god how did this begin?
and the inevitable countdown begins in my brain, and the stutter coming from my lips turns
her face from mine, the moment's gone, my initiative, her final hope, it all falls in one fell swoop

i've managed to turn another night of hidden laughs and conspiracy
into just one more day of wasted breaths, and chalk it up to experience
(i'm too good at achieving this end) but where do we go from here,
this place where the only we is the awkward silence shared on the car ride home,
where the warmth of intimate, ultimately shared intentions, has become the quiet heat
of embarrassment.

so with a (pat on the back), firm handshake at the door,
(i congratulate myself on another thing fucked up as) we say our goodbyes
and wonder what we were thinking, (whether we will ever find what we've been missing)
and another waste (with that ugly taste in my mouth) of a night (no fight, but)
words unsaid (and thoughts only in vague ideas and generalities),
these endless desperations.

and what began one way ends the same, our two bodies alone
(as our minds strive to think, comprehend, and wonder) why are we still without
a single note brings dischord to the untimely comparison: what before was hope for what
might became fright as the night wore on, and our fear won as we are still facing the same
we have no friends, only acquantences unknown and an endless sea of faces (that fills our every
waking moment) with thoughts of simple ways to solve complex problems and as we move through
the crowd, this sea of anonymous pain, jostles us, adds their pain to ours as, once more alone,
surrounded by friends (whose only thought is each other), we drown again in the despair that is our lives.