75XX. Lazy Mornings Gone Wrong
The second that Kielan woke up and realized that Esri was lying beside him was the happiest moment of his life. She was breathing gently, hair rumpled and fanning out around her face. Her lips were pink, dry and smooth, parted gently and releasing tiny sighs of air. One arm was draped gently around Kielan's middle, the other tucked securely underneath her head. Kielan reached out a hand and gently brushed away an eyelash that had fallen onto her nose. Esri stirred slightly and tucked a palm underneath her cheek. Kielan rolled onto his back and let Esri's arm slip off his waist and rest beside him. He rubbed sleep from his eyes and wondered why every morning couldn't be this beautiful.
Kielan could see the lake; the sun was just rising, and cast a yellow glow on the water. Trees were still just black forms set against the sky, and he heard a faint call of a bird somewhere out on the water. He turned his head to watch Esri as she breathed, her chest rising and falling with every gasp. Kielan took a second to appreciate the curves of her body underneath the quilt. Her legs stretched out underneath the quilt and emerged from it to reveal her knees. She shifted in her sleep and hugged the quilt more securely around her neck.
Kielan watched the sunrise hang low in the sky and begin to rise slowly into the sky. Esri was still sleeping soundly. He listened patiently to her sleepy babble about lost teddy bears and dentist appointments, smiling at the way hair stuck to her lips. He glanced at the clock resting on the windowsill and noted that it was eight thirty in the morning.
"Mmm," was Esri's comment on that subject.
"Esri? You awake?"
"Keewan?" Esri blinked several times and opened her eyes groggily.
Kielan shifted in bed and faced her. "Not you too!" he groaned, half-laughing, but not quite managing anything beyond a wide grin. "The name is Kielan, for God's sake!"
Esri stretched beneath the covers. "Good morning to you too, Kielan." With a palm, she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.
"I was just kidding," Kielan said, throat suddenly choked with nervousness. "Don't be mad."
Esri raised an eyebrow and grazed Kielan's cheek with a hand. "How am I supposed to be mad at you? I couldn't if I wanted too."
Kielan grinned lopsidedly, bangs falling sideways into his eyes. "Why would that be?" Her reply was the most reassuring thing in the world to him; a lingering kiss on the cheek and a whisper in his ear.
"You know why," Esri fell backwards onto Kielan's pillow and twisted luxuriously underneath the blankets. "It's such a beautiful morning."
Kielan couldn't stop grinning or looking at her. She made it beautiful, not the sunshine. What was beautiful was every comfortable curve of her. Her eyes; the way her hair fell across them. Her warmth in their bed. "Yeah, it is."
They lapsed into a comfortable silence, each with their own separate thoughts. They lay with their arms wrapped around each other, with their legs overlapping, with Esri's head tucked against Kielan's chest. Esri said some things about how much she loved him; Kielan replied with more of the same. They exchanged soft kisses beneath blankets. Time passed too quickly.
Esri adjusted herself and lay with her face buried in Kielan's pillow, black hair tangled around her head. She loved the smell of him, lingering on the pillow, in the blankets. Warmth, outdoors, clean laundry. She wondered how he smelt so good when he didn't use cologne. There was a long pause, then suddenly, she shifted uncomfortably and mumbled something into the pillow, a question she couldn't restrain any longer. "Hmm mun ner gim'v oo hmm em?"
"What?'' Kielan asked playfully, stretching himself out alongside Esri and wrapping his arms around her waist. She twisted around and brushed the hair back from her face.
"How many other girls have you slept with?" The question was so surprisingly direct that Kielan was caught off guard. She didn't appear to be overly concerned or insecure. Nor did she appear to be aggravated, or testing him. She just seemed genuinely curious. This was very disconcerting.
"Seriously?" Kielan was finding it difficult to actually believe she wanted an answer.
"Yeah. How many?" Kielan rested his chin on her stomach and stared at her. Despite her extremely composed demeanour, the question made Kielan understandably nervous. He continued to stare blankly at her. She adjusted the hem of the old t-shirt she had stolen from Kielan. "I'm not going to be mad at you or anything, I just want to know."
"I have your word on that?" Kielan asked wryly, raising his eyebrows. Esri raised hers in reply and nodded. Kielan pressed his cheek against her cool skin and looked sideways at the floor. Esri was watching the top of his copper coloured head intently. Her fingers grazed his hair. She loved every strand of it. Kielan's voice was quiet and timid, ashamed of himself. "I don't know. Alot?"
Esri's stomach muscles tightened instinctively, but her voice was as placid as ever. She was disgusted with herself for feeling this jealous and protective of every inch of his skin. Her fingers traced the lines of scars on his upper back. "So, what were their names?"
Kielan had the feeling that it would be prudent to stop at this point, but also knew that if he stopped now, she'd think he was keeping secrets. "Uh… Karen…Samantha… Jessica. Dayna-umm…Lisa? Uh…Kayla? Charlotte and…Lily?" He trailed off and couldn't for the life of him remember any other names. It was definitely more than eight. Kielan gave a little internal cringe.
"You don't remember any more, I guess?"
Kielan swallowed. "I was only fourteen when I—You know. Long time ago."
Kielan bit his lip and didn't look up at her face. "Oh, my poor baby…" she mumbled, wrapping her arms tight around Kielan and stroking his hair. Kielan was surprised and relieved and surrendered very willingly to her caresses. He wouldn't admit it, even to himself, but Esri's arms were the only place that he had ever really felt safe. Like a child turning from a desperate nightmare, he leant into her. He didn't find any trace of condescension or pity in his love's words, just genuine sympathy for his incredibly fucked up life. Esri smiled down at him and whispered. "You're so sweet, Kielan. I know I can trust you through anything. You're such an angel."
Kielan let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding and managed a smile. He told himself this was good. Trust was important. He could trust her. She could trust him. "I don't lie. Not to you."
"I know," Esri said, her voice full of bravado. Kielan released his grip from around her waist and pushed himself towards the headboard until he was right beside her. They both looked down at their feet. Esri cleared her throat, forcing the fragile out of her voice and replacing it with the good common sense that was her trademark. "I'm not mad, and I'll never be. I'm just disoriented. And-"
"Disappointed in me," Kielan supplied. "Because I didn't wait for you, even though you know that you shouldn't be disappointed because there's no way I could have know that we would meet again or fall in love and that all these great things could have happened. And you don't really blame me, but you do at the same time, and sort of wish that you hadn't asked the question, but are also glad that you did, and it's all basically very confusing."
Esri smiled and rolled her eyes. "I'm not disappointed in you, but yeah, that about sums it up." She pressed her body against his and told herself that she didn't need to be jealous of anyone, because every glorious inch of him was hers. "You forgot the part about me being wildly jealous of all the other girls." She curled up and leant her head against his chest.
"I didn't know that part existed." Kielan, running his fingers absentmindedly through her hair, couldn't help but be mildly pleased that she valued him enough to be jealous. He thought briefly of Esri's ex-boyfriend, Jason Greene, who he had completely forgotten until that moment. Ha ha ha. Kielan was suddenly consumed by an urge to laugh diabolically in Jason Greene's face, and then punch him in the nose. Well, well, well. Look who made it to home base, Greene. Bastard.
"More than you'll ever know."
"Now that you've said that, I guess I don't mind confessing that I had often hoped that Jason Greene would get run over by public transit."
Esri glanced up at him, eyebrows furrowed. "Jason who?"
Kielan almost laughed. "Jason Greene. As in, the infamous ex-boyfriend from twelfth grade." She had even forgotten his name. Excellent.
"Oh!" Comprehension dawned on Esri's face. She laughed. "I feel really bad about that." Before Kielan could ask why, she continued. "Because I did sort of like him- I mean, I had some classes with him and he was nice and kinda cute- but as soon as he asked me out, the first thing I thought was: maybe this'll make Kielan jealous." Kielan blushed and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Good plan." Kielan murmured. "It worked."
Esri laughed again. "Seriously? Yes!" She pumped a fist in the air. "I honestly had no idea. Sometimes you acted like you hated him, and sometimes I thought you just wanted me to go away." She kissed his fingertips as they brushed against her cheek. "You were so mysterious. I couldn't figure you out."
"I thought I was painfully obvious to everyone but myself."
"Quite the contrary. I could never tell what the hell you were thinking until March break. I guessed half the time." They both feel silent for a second, remembering that week. Kielan felt a bit sick to his stomach when he thought of it, and hoped she would change the subject. "No one could. Did I ever tell you about Katie?"
Kielan thought briefly about his former girlfriend and shrugged. The only thing that came to mind was the painful memory of being dragged from store to store, shopping. He suppressed a shudder. "What about Katie?"
"After you two broke up, we hung out for a while," Kielan raised his eyebrows. "She came over to my house, sobbing her eyes out. She said that she could never tell what you were thinking and she was worried she was too ugly or too fat or too loud and overbearing," Esri looked up at Kielan and wiggled her nose. "She said that I seemed to be the only one that knew what you were thinking and that maybe I could help her win you back or something. Of course I said that I had no idea what the hell was going on in your head, which she didn't seem to believe. Then poor Katie went on this huge rant about how I wanted you all to myself and was too selfish to help anybody else and was probably cheating on her with you the whole time. Then she threw a couple things at me and ran away."
Kielan's eyebrows were raised higher than ever, in complete disbelief. "Seriously?"
"Cross my heart and hope to die."
"Weird. I never had the impression that she ever really- you know- liked me. I thought that she was just sort of- bored or something."
Esri laughed again. "Are you crazy? Half of the girls in school were madly in love with you! One girl wanted to know your locker combination so she could give you love letters and things. I remember one time when I was walking to your locker and I saw a troupe of three or four girls stalking you! Didn't you notice the mad scramble to get seats beside you in all of your classes? Once the word spread about the new, extremely sexy guy, you were officially made the target of all of the seven most popular girls in school. Including-ugh-Leni."
Kielan bit back a smile. "That is genuinely weird. How could I have not noticed that, if I was being stalked by a posse my entire day?"
"They know where you sleep, Kielan," Esri joked.
He grinned and was the closest to laughing out loud that he had been in years, from pure exhilaration. Kielan scratched the back of his neck instead. "All I can say is thank God I didn't know that in high school. I would have gotten even more paranoid."
Esri shrugged. "It was pretty funny," They lapsed into a comfortable silence, broken only by laughter from Esri as she looked up at him to find Kielan staring down at her. Their hands interlocked.
"I love you, Kielan."
"I love you too."
They paused and Kielan bit his lip. Her eyes were getting too sentimental right now. It was easier to be romantic when she wasn't looking at him. No matter what she said, he felt as though she would always see through him like a piece of glass. "I'm gonna go have a shower," Esri kissed his cheek.
"I'll wait here. I'm feeling lazy today." Esri rolled to the side to let Kielan stand up. He did, and threw a towel over his shoulder, retreating into the tiny bathroom that adjoined the bedroom. He emerged ten minutes later, clutching his towel around his waist.
"Esri?" Kielan scanned the bed briefly. There was no sign of her; her clothes had all disappeared from the floor, her jewellery was swept off the dresser. "Esri? Where'd you go?" he called, wondering if this was all some joke. She hadn't really left, had she? "Esri?" Kielan glanced towards the door. Were her sandals still there? Maybe she was changing?
Mr. and Mrs. Jones stared up at Kielan disapprovingly from the threshold. Kielan felt his muscles go weak and his fingers slip on the towel. He clutched it desperately around his naked form.
"Shit."
Esri, her hair tousled, emerged sheepishly from behind the bed, clutching only the bed sheet around her. "Hi Mom. Hi Dad."
Mr. Jones set his jaw.
Author's Note: I have been pure evil. First it was a trip to Europe, then it was a film festival (organized by yours truly) then it was exams, then a two week family vacation...In short, I have been horrible to my readers. Please accept this chapter as a peace offering. It will, never fear, be followed by many more, and hopeflly better than this (quite frankly) badly-written chapter.
So who thinks Kielan is just the cutest lil crumpet? I do.
Thanks SO much to all the readers and reviewers.