145I don't understand… Why in the world would I need to see a freaking shrink? Therapist, fine; but I'm not crazy. I don't need a fucking mental doctor. I'm doing fine on my own, thanks. As these thoughts clouded my mind, I absently toyed with a strand of my hair.
Worry and resentment must have been evident on my face, for I soon found Tom pressing a kiss on my forehead. "Why the frown, love?" he then plopped onto the couch and took my hand into his.
I nibbled on my bottom lip before facing him. "The school wants me to see a shrink." God… that just sounds SO wrong.
"Oh…" Tom frowned, his eyes boring into mine. "And I'm guessing by the expression on your face that you believe that psychiatrists are only for people who are mentally sick. Am I right?"
I shrugged and turned away from his gaze. Tom let out a sigh before continuing. "Kris… psychiatrists are not only mental doctors; they are also people who help you sort things out. Why don't you give it a try, okay? The doctor might be able to help you move on."
"Who said I haven't?" I challenged as I pulled away from him. Our eyes connected once more and I raised an eyebrow in defiance.
"Kristianne…" He simply said; and I wished that he had gotten mad at me or rose to the bait. I needed to shout, to scream and lash out. I just needed to get mad.
"What's wrong with you?! Why won't you fight back?!" I stood up and dared him to fight back; my eyes filled with anger.
"Because you haven't done anything for me to be angry about."
"Damn it, Tom! How can you just sit there and be calm?! You should be angry with me!"
"Why?" Tom got to his feet.
"Because I'm shouting at you! Because I'm defying you! Because I'm dirty! Because I give you a hard time! Because I've been pushing you away! Do you need me to go on?!" my vision began to blur with tears. "What more do you want me to say, Thomas?! Of all the people, you should be the angriest with me! Our relationship, this thing that we're in…" I choked on the lump forming in my throat. "It's not fair! Hell, it's not even a relationship! Do you know what it is?! It's me taking and taking and TAKING at your expense. What does that sound like to you?! 'Cause to me, it sounds a hell lot like PARACITISM! How can you NOT be angry with me?! I can't even give you anything but worry and pain! I DON'T FUCKING DESER-"
"Kris, stop it." He placed his hands on my shoulders.
"No! You should be mad at me!"
"No, I'm not." He repeated as I tried to pull away from his pull. "Sh… Kris. I'm not mad at you."
"You should be." I finally broke into tears as he held me close to him. "I don't deserve you, Thomas. I don't. I'm so sorry for pushing you away. I'm so, so sorry." I buried my face in his chest as my knees buckled underneath me. As always, he caught me just before I could hit the ground.
Having cradled me in his arms and setting me on his lap, Tom pressed a kiss atop my head and held me closer. "When will you ever realize that I love you, that nothing will ever take me from your side? I can't blame you for pushing me away… what happened to you is enough to send the strongest person over the edge. And you are strong, Kris – stronger than you give yourself credit for. You just need a little help this time… okay?"
I simply shook my head and sniffled as Tom ran his hand through my tresses. "Please… for me?" He whispered into my ear. I kept still.
Could I do it? Am I willing to open up to a complete stranger just to see if she can help me understand my maze of a mind? No… I can't… but… Tom… "Okay." I mumbled into his chest before I let the comforting feel of his hand running through my hair lead me to the shores of sleep… the darkness.
A/N: I know, I know! It took me forever to update and the chap is quite short! I promise, the next chapters undergoing construction already! Now please be a friend and review!