57AN: Okay I have no real excuse about the way too long time to update… I'm horrible I know. I can promise you, though, that the next chapter will be up relatively quickly. The main revisions that I wanted to do to the story were to the beginning and I am almost past the parts that I wanted to add to most so I should be updating more in the next little while. I am sorry that this chapter is so short… I couldn't think of what else to add really… if you have any suggestions for me, please, I would welcome them with open arms. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and everyone who is going to review. As always, they are greatly appreciated! 3
That incident was what finally changed something inside me. I had lived with the wolves for as long as I could remember and I loved my wolf-family more than life. But I had always known I was different, always known there was one difference between us, always known there was a line, a border that I wouldn't cross.
When my family was slaughtered I crossed it.
I spent the next month in a blood crazed frenzy, doing naught but searching, searching for something I couldn't find. A way to ease the pain, something to fill the gap in my chest, the void that was where my heart had once been. Breathing was difficult, as though my lungs were no longer there. Dreams haunted me, full of wolves and an endless pain filled howl. I could not sleep, I could not rest, I had to move. The constant rhythm of my feet against the ground, it filled me, kept me going.
Although I had learnt to run as a wolf, on all fours, I had also always walked on two legs whenever I felt whimsical but after I saw what the two legers, what the humans who were like to my like, did to the ones that cared for me to the ones who raised me, I no longer stood up. I ran like a wolf, hunted like a wolf, and killed like a wolf- going straight for the throat. And yet I didn't act like a wolf. I knew that my entire pack would have disapproved of my blood-spilling for unless there was a blood debt to be paid no wolf ever killed unless they needed the meat.
I began tracking and killing any human I could find. I had never been fond of my own race but after what they had done to my family, I detested them. I no longer counted myself as one of them, as I had my entire life. They were less and more than I was. They were more human, more able to function in their own world and they were less animal, less knowledgeable in the way of the trees and the rivers. I could not defeat them in their own world, but I could defeat them in mine.
I targeted the hunters, the trappers, the ones who targeted me. I was silent, swift and deadly. None of the noticed me, as I drifted through and took their life as I went, never stopping the constant movement. It was so easy, to pretend I was an eagle, soaring above the trees instead of climbing through them as I did, and then dropping on them unexpectedly. When there was more than one of them it was harder, but I still did it. Soon my body was caked with a thick layer of dried blood and my mind was cloaked in a fuzzy blanket that kept all emotions from showing through. I ate little, all the kills I made were pure vengeance. My body grew thin; my strong, sinewy muscles showing through my skin more and more, until they were the only substance I had left.
It was less than a week before the debt was paid- but I kept on killing. Eventually I realized that I just wanted to die myself
For some reason unknown to me I returned to the clearing, to my home of many years and to the place where all this slaughter had begun. I had just attacked a caravan and for the first time since my bloodletting had begun my victims had injured me and my mind was finally comprehending the toll my actions was taking on my body. I had killed the first three people easily and the four and fifth were on horses that ran the second I emerged from the woods.
But the sixth was a woman with short hair, unlike most I had seen and she held a knife in her hand. While I eventually killed her she managed to stab me in the leg and cut a gash into my shoulder. I limped to a nearby stream on all fours and washed my wounds in the cold water, managing to numb the pain slightly. Then I made my way through the dark forest, slowly heading home.
When I got there, hours later I immediately went to the caves, wandering through the caverns until I got to a small one, out of sight of anyone in the clearing but still easy to get in and out of in a hurry. I stayed there for two days without moving, whimpering in pain whenever I managed to jar my leg or bump my shoulder against something. On the third day hunger and thirst cut through the veil pain had woven around my mind and I limped out of the caves, towards the nearest water source where I knew there would be drink as well as some type of prey for me to feed on.
When I got to the pool there I managed to procure a small rabbit, barely enough to feed myself I thought at first until I remembered I was the only one left to feed. I cried again as I sat on the bank, my teeth tearing into its flesh, ripping away the skin hurriedly and biting into the soft, blood filled heart. I could feel the still warm blood running down my cheeks and chest and dripping down my chin onto the ground. It felt…different...than the human blood. More pure and therefore, better tasting. When I finished my meal I went for a quick swim in the pond. The wolves had never understood my love of the water. They swam yes, but only if need be. I swam for pleasure whenever possible, just to feel the smooth silky water rippling in tandem with my muscles as I thrust through its dark depths.
A few hours later I was sufficiently calmed and my leg and shoulder were beginning to feel better. I hiked back to the clearing, moving faster than before if I was still not moving with my usual gait. When I got there rage instantly filled my senses and my blood-lust came back with roaring force. There was a human in my clearing. She was leading a very large gray horse with a black mane and tail towards the caves and my first instinct was to kill her. But instead I slowly shrunk back into the shadows before she could see me and I moved around the edge of the clearing, never taking my eyes off her. She walked differently than most of the she-humans I had seen or killed, more like the males. My attention immediately went to the hair that hung long and straight. It reminded me of a sunset in the depth of winter, deep red with swirls of light. Her eyes were small but delicately so and hazel in colour with little flecks of green.
I managed to get within feet of her, and I was about to pounce when I realized I couldn't. Something held me back. Perhaps it was the deep sorrow reflected in her eyes that I knew was also in mine. Or maybe it was the way she led such a huge animal as that horse with such authority and grace. Whatever it was I couldn't do it. But I also couldn't stay hidden in the shadows while she explored my caves freely. So I stepped out from behind the trees and straightened up slowly, ignoring the pain in my leg and let her see me as a man instead of the wolf I had become. She still screamed.