57AN: I don't really have anything to say. It's a little longer. That's a good thing right? Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter, and enjoy!
It had been four months since Father and Desi left and two months since Jodei told me her secret when there was a mysterious knock on the door at 3 o'clock in the morning. I was the only one awake as Ganice had gotten in about eleven and went immediately to bed and Janice hadn't come out of her room since the day before. As was the norm, I was in the downstairs study, fully immersed in a book. The servants were also all abed, so I slowly closed my book and picked up the lamp beside me, making my way across the large entrance hall and towards the front door where the quick knocking increased until it was quite frantic.
"Just a moment," I called quietly. Then I opened the door slowly and gasped in delight when I saw who stood on the doorstep. "Father!" I cried and laughed as I threw my arms around him. He did not return the embrace, and just stood there waiting for me to let go, no emotion showing on his face except, perhaps, a faint air of impatience. I let go quickly, sensing he did not want me to be holding him.
"Hello Isabel," he replied in a tired voice and I drew away from him looking into his face and seeing a great sadness as well as impatience. With whom I didn't know. He spoke to the driver of the cart that was sitting in front of our door and they began to carry in the many bags he had piled into the cabin. I tried to assist them but my father simply glared at me and waved my hands away. "This is no job for a lady," he told me. I stared at him in disbelief. He had never referred to me as a lady before, never cared when I rode my horse as a man did or read books that most people would consider to be unfit for women. Does this mean he would stop me from doing everything I was accustomed too? Before I could think about it much he spoke softly, "I'm hungry, and these packages will stay here until the servants awake in the morning."
"I will make you something to eat, Father," I told him and he simply grimaced, following me into the kitchen. The cook had gone to visit her daughter for the weekend, as was her custom on Saturday nights, so I was left to prepare something for him to eat. As I bustled around the stove, pulling things from the ice box and dropping them into pans he did not watch me, or speak even, simply stared out the window, his eyes as black and vacant as the sky he observed.
"Were your travels successful?" I asked him, smiling slightly. He did not reply, continuing to simply stare away into the night, lost in his own thoughts. I sighed and decided it was better not to try. Father usually seemed to like me best when I was silent. That was when Godei entered the room. As Father was sitting at the counter, as opposed to the small table the servants used, she did not see him right away.
"Belle what was that noise I heard?" she asked me, rubbing her eyes lightly, looking as elegant in the linen nightgown she wore as she had in the rosemary gown she had worn to out earlier that night. She looked around and as she spoke and before I could reply she saw him. "Father!" she exclaimed and ran to him.
"Hello my baby girl," he said, standing and rembracing her, the same joy reflected in his smile and on her face. I turned away, unable to watch how easily he embraced her, when he couldn't even pretend to put his arms around me. "How are you?" he asked her. She smiled widely at him, in my opinion the first true smile since Desi's letter had arrived, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"I'm fine," she replied and when he gave her a speculative look she nodded. "Really."
"You're looking quite pale," he said, his voice suddenly becoming stern but his eyes betrayed that he was only teasing her.
"Oh Father," Ganice said, laughing lightly, "I have missed you!" And that was when Jodei entered the room.
"What's all this racket, I'm trying to sle-" she began, and then stopped dead when she saw father standing next to Ganice Without a word she began to cry and her left hand went to her stomach and the not-so-small bulge that was forming there.
"Jodei my girl what's wrong?" he asked worriedly, rushing across the room to her. I almost couldn't watch, my empathetic nature taking over and conflicting with the anger that had been building inside me for a lifetime. Jodei looked so small and vulnerable standing there and I knew that she did not want to soil the image father had of her but at the same time, the envy in me at his concern almost overwhelmed that feeling and I wanted him to know that she was not remotely perfect. She took a step back as he came towards her and wouldn't let him touch her, keeping him an arms length out of reach. When he reached his arms out to her she screamed loudly and slapped them away. .
"Don't touch me!" Startled, Father stepped back slowly and stared at her. Then he turned to me and Ganice, fury creeping onto his usually docile face.
"What happened?" he asked slowly, almost reluctantly but his voice was full of the same iron I heard him use when he was dealing with other merchants. I squirmed, fighting with my urge to tell him and let out her secret but I loved her so much and I didn't want her to be hurt. . "What happened?" he asked again, ice entering his voice and I couldn't help but blurt out, "Jodei is pregnant." The monster inside me had won the battle and as I hung my head, ashamed at myself, his eyes widened as they moved from her to me. and back again.
Jodei let out a loud scream and dropped to the floor in a faint. "Now look what you've done!" Ganice cried, running to her. I shrunk back, afraid of them both.
"But I didn't mean…I didn't want…" I began, my childish instincts taking over my usually mature and logical thinking.
"Just go Belle," she hissed at me. "You've made things bad enough." And with that she turned back to Jodei whom Father was busy trying to revive. Tears started to make their way down my cheeks. Why did everything I do or say always have to be the wrong thing? Why did the family I loved so much misunderstand everything I did?
So I did what Ganice told me too. I left.
It took me an hour to get ready to leave, even with Emily's help. Luckily she had some of the other servants keep Father and Ganice holed up in Jodei's rooms with Jodei who, having been revived, had begun screaming again, letting out small cries every couple of seconds and making me jump. It seemed to me that the pregnancy was turning a smart and strong woman into a weak willed idiot.
Strangely enough, or not to anyone who knew me, the first place I stopped was the library. I quickly snatched all my favourite books from the shelves, making sure to get a variety of things, including all my favourites in Greek, Latin, French, Spanish and English so that while I was away I would not fall behind in my studies. I would have made a better man than woman wouldn't I? Then I went to my room, hastily packing whatever sturdy clothes I could find, mostly riding habits and breeches, as well as my one pair of good strong books and one dress, just in case. Then I changed hastily into my favourite riding habit, so as to not be pelted with unwanted question as I rode out of town.
When I arrived in the stable Gustav the holster was already there, holding my Damian steady for me. He was a huge horse, a proper war horse like the ones the King's knights rode into battle. But his mother had mated with a smaller 'unworthy' stallion, and although you could not tell Damian from any other of the war horses in the stable, they had given him away, searched for someone to take care of him after his mother died at birth. They had enough people to do so themselves, they just didn't want to make the effort for some half-breed they would never use. Luckily enough for the both of us this happened while Father, Ganice, Jodei and I were staying in the palace to celebrate the birth of our overlord's first born son.
I myself was wandering through the courtyard when I spotted a groom whipping him, a small colt, because he wouldn't enter a tiny stall, too small even for him. My fury had clouded my senses and I, a mere 12 year old scrap of a girl had stalked up to him, grabbed the whip out of his hands and proceeded to tear into him. Lord Arnaude, luckily for me, had found this very amusing and had given him to me, a gift, he said for the beautiful girl with the love for horses. I only ever believed him about the love for horse's part. Beauty was definitely not my strong point.
Now, three years later, Damian was my best friend, my closest companion and my fellow scholar. He also knew me better than I knew myself. So when I mounted him I could feel the growing tension in him that I was a mirror of my own body. "Goodbye Gustav," I whispered to the groom who was one of my only human friends, and he kissed my hand lightly, looking into my eyes.
"Goodbye Belle," he whispered back and stepped away swiftly as I urged Damian forward, startling the birds in the brick paved street outside the stable.
I rode for hours, further and further into the countryside, tears finally making their way down my cheeks and sobs emerging from my throat. As we progressed along the main road, quickly passing any places that I knew, I got off and walked beside my friend for a while, knowing that if I made him take my weight the entire way we would never get as far as I wished. At noon we stopped at a small inn and I used what little coin I had brought with me to buy myself a bowl of stew and a roll of bread while Damian made use of the clover patch beside the road.
It wasn't long before my nerves took hold once again and, afraid of being caught by my family, I mounted Damian once more and took off at a gallop. Not long after, I decided that I had gone long enough on the main road and when we came to the next fork I turned down it, following a trail that ran towards a large wood. I stopped again around sunset, urging Damian into a clearing off one of the paths I had followed into the woods. There was an eerie silence there, a strange presence. It was a rather large rocky clearing with a large cave formation at one end. The stones were a beautiful red colour, glowing a brilliant crimson in the fading light of the sun. I dismounted and took Damian's reins, walking towards those rocks. Running my hand softly along one bolder closest to me I was in awe of the texture, a non-quite-smooth, sandy feeling, rather than the harsh, gagged edges of the stones used to build houses in the down.
I was at the entrance to the caves and about to tie Damian up to a small tree growing there when suddenly he looked to the forest behind me and the white of his eyes showed as he began rearing in fear. I turned around and immediately screamed. There was a boy, no man; no one would call him a boy no matter how young he was. Not with that body or those eyes. His blue-grey eyes immediately caught mine and I found myself staring into them and my screams died in my throat. He was tall, at least 5'8" and towered over my over my own 5'4". His long raven black hair hung long and wavy down past his shoulders. I saw all this in a second before my eyes were stolen by his.
We stared at each other for several moments, hazel and slate, caught in one another, unable to escape the trance. Then Damian snorted loudly from behind me and the spell was broken. The boy's entire body tensed and with that subtle movement I noticed a wound on his shoulder, as well as one that curved around his calf. My desire to heal his pain overwhelmed me and I wondered how this boy, this stranger, was making my mind react this way. He began to move towards me and I let out a yelp and ran behind my horse. It was not that I was afraid necessarily, not of him. Even with his muscular build and feral way of moving he had a look about him, a manner that spoke of gentle hands and soft words. I stood there, hiding behind my large companion for a few moments, fully expecting the boy to attempt to come around Damian and see me, and dreading it if he should try. My friend could sense it when I was afraid, and no matter what was causing that fear, he seldom let anyone near me when I was. I didn't want the boy to get hurt.
After a few moments I had still heard no sign of any movement in front of Damian, nor had Damian reacted to anything in any way so I slowly made my way around the large horse, peeking around his neck and staring around in confusion. I had heard nothing, no twigs breaking, no branches rustling or pebbles rolling but he was gone, with no trace of him left behind, as though he was only ever a ghost.
His presence had been real, however, and it had made me very uncomfortable. I did not wish to be around when he returned but, looking up at the sky, I realized that it was too late to go anywhere else before the sun set and darkness covered our road. So, I gathered Damian's reins and led him to the largest of the caves, tying his reins loosely around a jutting rock. I knew full well that he could, and would, move if he so wished but that did not bother me. Damian would never leave me alone. Removing his saddle I lay it down beside me, intending to use it as a pillow. Then I set about making a fire.
A while later I was toasting some of the cheese that Emily had packed for me, knowing full well that I did not have much food left and I would soon need to go scavenging. Gustav had taught me what roots and plants were good for eating, as well as showing me the basics of hunting. I had not ever really tried to kill an animal before, and I was not sure if I could do it, but I knew that once hunger overtook me I wouldn't care so much about the life of a rabbit or a quail.
Before I lay down for the night I glanced around the sky before me, wondering where the strange boy had gone, who he was and why he had approached me, only to run away. These thoughts continued to drift through my head as sleep took me, and after that, I was at the mercy of my own dreams.