I want to put my fist through your face
just to watch it bend and break
and I'll laugh as white splinters and ash
pierce my skin and poison my blood
so it flows like midnight and I feel it
moving through my heart like a
(not so) subtle knife
because this way I'll never forget you
Maybe that's what I need
A tomorrow wrapped in darkness
A tomorrow that doesn't begin and end with the sun
rising and falling
because in comparison, I'll look beautiful
It's so hard to see when my eyes are sewn shut
and the blood drips and clots slowly down my face
so that I'm colored in sin
(seven always was my lucky number)
Gaping orifices of regret scream for redemption
but the only way to save me is to walk away
and without you, I don't think I'm worth much anyway
I've got a lifetime of bad luck from all the shattered mirrors
(every time I broke down in the bathroom, I'd leave a scar)
and I'm sitting here all alone on the cold concrete floor
staring at my reflection in the amber liquid that burns my throat
as I gulp it down
I've lost count of how many empty bottles lie broken on the ground
but at least the memories have faded into sweet oblivion
replaced by complete anesthetization
I'm on the phone with you every night until 4am
You're my lullaby
but after you say goodnight and give in to peaceful sleep
I lie awake, tossing and turning
counting down the hours until I can speak to you again
I don't remember how to feel tired anymore
I barely function. I walk, I talk but I feel
completely disconnected from the world
(just because I'm breathing doesn't mean I'm alive
there is more than one way to die)
I never really understood that life could be so unbearable
but I carry my burdens like I'm fucking proud of them
I just turn a blind eye. I can't see anyway
my eyes are too swollen
if I lie to myself, maybe it'll be easier to fool you
so close your eyes as I carve my flesh
with the words that I could never say
Please don't watch as I die for you
I'll let you hold my broken body
one last time
as my goodbye stains the flesh that covers your heart
we must have always been beating out of time
because if our hearts were one
this would be killing you too
(I guess it's the final proof that you never loved me
like I loved you)