Warped decisions and hazy feelings

I gaze into the minuscule blinking lights

My computer hums soothing melodies

The whirring of the fan

The error message: the internet won't function.

Everything can etch a pathway back to you.

I search for inspiration

A long fought battle against

Everything you stood for

"Just let it come naturally"

You would preach, waiting for the day

That you would be awarded with your

Own set of pews, your very own comatose congregation.

I could jot down everything insignificant fact,

Each less and less relevant to my own life

No one would care

And I realize, staring at your crumpled up picture

The one we had shot that day at the beach

The granules of sand getting caught between our toes

Between the oh-so narrow void between our bodies.

I don't care either.

I never cared about the way your callused hands

Wrapped around my fingers, lightly containing them

A butterfly's kiss enraptured by a hummingbird's embrace

I never cared about the way that your hair

A little too long, a little too shaggy

Fell into your auburn eyes.

I never cared about the way that you held me when I cried

Refusing to let me leave until everything felt better

Refusing to allow me to swagger into the infinite void

That was my bleak depression.

I never cared about any of that.

I never cared about you.

I just wish that I wasn't such a bad liar.

I just wish that these words could be the truth.

I go to call a complete stranger, my fingers dance over

The unfamiliar last names in the colossal phonebook

"Is Karen there?"

Karen has never met someone like me before

Someone so desperate for any sort of empathy

That she'll resort to the yellow pages just to find a friend.

Karen does a shitty job of being a friend to a complete stranger.

When I slam the phone down, I remember

The last time I hung up on you.

Winter…

Two inches on my crisped lawn

Light flakes dancing on your leather jacket

Icicles dancing in my eyes.

You were talking so softly…

"I can't love you anymore."

The dish in my hand fell to the floor,

And remained in perfect sync, not a chip to be seen

The modern miracle of plastics.

"I can't love you anymore."

Counting Crows squawking at me in the background

I have yet to listen to them since without stalling.

"I-I don't love you anymore…"

This was different.

Can't…two words, fused together.

One of them changes, and my world is shattered

I'm alone, surrounded by the glass shards

Afraid to look up, to call out, to breathe

For any reaction will involve the impalement of every

Single splinter.

"I don't love you anymore."