6Can I hug you one last time?
Will you let me hold your hand and promise to keep me warm? Because it still hurts…that I can't tell you how much I hate myself for saying that I want to be "just friends". And I'm so glad…that this pain is one thing that I don't need to share with you.
Just this one last time…will you take me to De Martinis? We can look for the pumpkins with weaker stems, so we can snap them off on "accident". We'll share tomatoes, sour pears, apples, and nearly-6-year old cheese. Well, you can have my cheese...:) And when the woman working there asks if we've tried her favorite yogurt candy, we'll answer no and sneak a pinch of dried mango, too. After, will you walk with me to Walgreen's with vanilla ice cream and frappuccinos in our hands? It's where we first saw Pizza, remember? This time you can be the first to hug him…and I'll share him with you after. Like those huskies you promised after you won the lottery.
Do you still remember?
One last time… will you let me be selfish? Can Pardon Me be our song alone? Can we share the number 11 between just us? It's not like me to ask, is it…? But just this once…forget how I'm supposed to be. Because after you're gone…I couldn't stay the same either way.
Just this one last time, will you walk with me to math? And I can slip my arm around yours as Chipmunk jabbers beside us. But I would never complain because it's the smallest things like these that I will come to miss the most. And as we walk, I'll run our funny moments through my head…like that time we went to the library and discovered Osama bin Laden's full name.
Do you still remember?
Maybe…just maybe I can get our teleporting machine to start working. Such a stubborn cardboard box, eh? Will you promise to protect me from that frighteningly mutated six-legged bug that though I first detested; now I feel affection for? The same one that you jokingly offered to bike over and squish at 10:00 at night?
Just this one last time, will you play tennis with me again at the high school wall? And when I get tired, can you pretend to be, too? Though I know that your reputation for endurance has long been engraved into my head. Afterwards, we can climb our tree and watch the setting sun paint the sky in a million different colors. I won't ask you to drag the bleachers over this time because I have to do it on my own. Will you let me hold your hands in mine as we sit high atop the world on those crooked, yet oddly comfortable branches?
Do you still remember?
Just this one last time will you tell me the story of the beautiful gypsy girl and the boat she made to see her lover? Will you play me the music on your violin and share with me the magic of the piece?
And on a sunny afternoon, maybe we could go jogging again. Perhaps we'll never find ourselves on Stanford hill together, but downtown would never hurt. Just this one last time, can we end up walking most of the way again? And when it's time to leave, can we go the long way and wind through our little park? We can stick a second piece of straw in the statue's mouth though the first one has likely floated away. And if there's time, can we find our bench and sit for a while as Pardon Me drifts through our headphones? We can look for those crazy flies that circled for endless amounts of time about our heads.
Do you still remember?
And our conversations on AIM…can we have one more? Will you promise to use the pale blue smilies I have come to recognize as yours alone? Let it be the way it used to be…when we never ran out of words. When almost too often we blurted out the exact same comments simultaneously during a sugar high chat. And at the end…can I tell you that I love you more because we both know it's true? And just this once, will you not argue and let me win? It won't be easy, I know because inside you I find a competitive spirit that trumps even mine. But just this once, let me say, "Good night, sweet dreams, I love you now and I always will." Then of course the standard goodbye drawn out in exclamation marks and our favorite number. Do you still remember?
Because I can't forget…